May contain Rants · Uncategorized

A four letter word…

I try to write but the words that have been locked inside my head

Desperate to be freed, to be expressed

But the sentences have disappeared

This what a four letter word like meds do to you

My days seem to bleed from one day into the next

As I try to write these words

And as ink connects its self to the page when I think of your name

it weeps through

This is what a four letter word like love do to you

My nights are filled with dread

Every noise, creak,  groan

Makes me think there’s monster under my bed

When really it all irrational made up stuff in my head

This is what a four letter word like fear do to you

Copyright June Bolland 2014

May contain Rants

I’m the land of words

books

“Child hide!” my inner voice would say

As the voices boomed from the kitchen

And I would run as fast as my tiny feet would carry me

Behind the sofa I would hide

But as the noise began to

Ricochet off the walls and the ceiling

Crouched I’d sit

And

Hide my face away

Deep in the blackness

Of my cotton and acrylic cave

I would stay

Until the noise would cease

And they would come and  find me

And with remorseful hugs

They would hold me

On those days when my parents needed to talk

I was given refuge with my grandfather

His house was a refuge for people

And for books

Rows of musty smelling

Hard backed books

Treasure Island

Robinson Crusoe

Little women

And book with words that didn’t have chapters

But with words that dance beautifully across the page

 Betjeman, Yeats, Woolf and T.S Elliot to name but a few

I listened as he would recite stories of far off lands

And hang on to every word

Of those of verses of love he would recite

I remember his heart danced

But his voice would quiver

I now realise he was thinking of my grandmother

As I grew I would search for those words he read

And lock them away inside my head

  So for those times when my thoughts are dark

And those demons come a knocking

I no longer hide behind seated barricades

I no longer hide away in my cotton and acrylic cave

I escape to the land of words

Where demons  are not welcome.

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

I'm the land of words

books

“Child hide!” my inner voice would say

As the voices boomed from the kitchen

And I would run as fast as my tiny feet would carry me

Behind the sofa I would hide

But as the noise began to

Ricochet off the walls and the ceiling

Crouched I’d sit

And

Hide my face away

Deep in the blackness

Of my cotton and acrylic cave

I would stay

Until the noise would cease

And they would come and  find me

And with remorseful hugs

They would hold me

On those days when my parents needed to talk

I was given refuge with my grandfather

His house was a refuge for people

And for books

Rows of musty smelling

Hard backed books

Treasure Island

Robinson Crusoe

Little women

And book with words that didn’t have chapters

But with words that dance beautifully across the page

 Betjeman, Yeats, Woolf and T.S Elliot to name but a few

I listened as he would recite stories of far off lands

And hang on to every word

Of those of verses of love he would recite

I remember his heart danced

But his voice would quiver

I now realise he was thinking of my grandmother

As I grew I would search for those words he read

And lock them away inside my head

  So for those times when my thoughts are dark

And those demons come a knocking

I no longer hide behind seated barricades

I no longer hide away in my cotton and acrylic cave

I escape to the land of words

Where demons  are not welcome.

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

My Muse

writing+poetryAttempt to understand  the truth  of all those words I have said in the cold light of the day

and for all the promises that  I have whispered , on  those dark moon filled nights

I have shared with you

They speak nothing but love for you

And for all the times I have layed bare my soul upon the page

see that every word, every sentence

They are nothing more than the lyrics of the songs from my heart

That sings only to you

My words are only for you

You are my listener, my reader and  my muse

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

Stampede of words

panic attack 3There’s a stampede going on in my brain

Of words trying to get out, trying to get in

I feel them physically stacking up on each other

And my head is heavy from the weight

I think silence, isolation maybe sleep is needed 

For these words to be assembled into order

That makes some sense

I want to put the close sign up

But its hiding somewhere in my temporal lobe

Trapped between the words pain, anger, demon, depression

My power of speech is rendered impotent

And so the panic sets in

The parietal lobe is under siege

I so want to write HELP ME! MAKE IT GO AWAY!

The brain will not transpose the words through my fingers

So overloaded is my brain ,the words escape through my eyes

You sense this; you’ve seen the panic,

The fear in my eyes

The tears in my eyes

so many times

You hold me and calm me and

My frontal lobe begins to put things in order

And I feel the words just slip away

But one word remains, your name

Prominent,

A name that evokes so many memories of words like

Beauty, perfection, laughter, love, kisses, sex, lust, passion,

Kindness, caring, positivity,  but for a few

but for me one word stands out from the rest

whenever I think of you

that word will always, always be LOVE.

(I love you my Ms Joanna P x)

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

A complicated Relationship

because1Why do you tease me, so that my brain bursts

I cannot concentrate

I have migraines so bad because of you

Your stay is brief and for the moment you are there I am mesmerized

And I then you are all too quickly gone

Your characters change too quickly, that l cannot keep up with you

You jump around you won’t stay still, why won’t you stay still?

I am in awe of you.

I look at you longingly trying understand you

but you melt away like candle wax

you put blocks in my way, the same colours of rainbow

I would love to read the contents of your hearts,

but you will not allow me that pleasure

I try to sing you but I do not understand your language

I will write poetry with you

I will not beaten

Why?  Because I am not stupid, lazy or dumb

I hAve DySLexiA

And words I love you even if you sometimes don’t love me back.

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved.