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Tablets on toast…

Alarm clock rings

Birds sing

Half awake

The bedside lights are still burning

I’m still afraid to sleep in the dark these days

in case the demons return

And I’ve noticed I’ve lost my place in the book I was reading

Before I fell into a dreamlike state

Awake

I am conscious not just of my surroundings

But that my mood has flatlined whilst I’ve been sleeping

Barely I crawl out of bed

I don’t shower

Or dress

Its not the kind of day for effort

I make my way to the kitchen

With glass half empty

And toast on my plate

I pop the pills 1, 2, 3, and 4 onto the toast

But I don’t feel full

Like cheese and beans would make me feel

Tablets on toast just make me feel numb

Until I feel sleepy

Whilst all round me their day has just begun

Mehefin Bolland © 2018

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Regret …

Would we ever have got past the ‘seven-year itch’?

Would our bed have become a bed of death?

I guess we’ll never know

Why did we give up on us too easily , me and you

Couldn’t we have fought harder to save our love?

I suppose life and distance always seemed to get in the way

Yet despite this no one could ever replace you

You are the frozen prayer, the miracle

I asked for

Back then

When my life was missing a piece

I now realise was you

I still speak of you in the present not the past

Because you’ve never really left have you?

You are my biggest regret for I should never have let you go

You are a constant presence that lurks beneath my skin

That stirs whenever I think of you

A temptation I must try to ignore

Mehefin Bolland © 2018

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Sex…

Sex
This is what I want to share with you
To have your naked body
Lie with mine
Mouth
Hands
Fingers
I need to feel your touch
To be skin on skin with you
Until our bodies lie entwined
All of you
I want to rediscover the parts of you
I have missed so much
To let my senses get high on you
Complete
And when we are both satisfied
Unware there is anything
other than the space we now occupy
I want us to lie there face to face
With our gaze locked
So to feel the emotional connection
Of the intimacy we have just shared
Copyright 2014 June Bolland

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Attraction …

I was never attracted to blondes until met her

to me they always seem to be blue eyed and too pale

They were just not what I looked for in a female

You see I had a type

All my other girlfriends  

were dark skinned coffee coloured eyed dykes

So what changed?

How do I begin to explain how the attraction

began to occur

To be honest it all a blur

It was 7 years ago

When she  literally turn up at my door

But one thing for sure

She’s caring and kind and her heart s so pure

And when she opens her mouth and speaks

Her accent makes me melt and go weak

I could listen to her all day

And yet despite her caring side

she feisty and wild

She made me see life from a different angel

she’s turned my world on its head

And it’s not just the passion she brought to our bed

It’s beyond that 

It’s the fact

 She believes in me

She see’s things in me other people don’t see

 So forget all the women I’ve loved in past

With their coffee eyes, black hair  

and dark skin I loved them individually

For reasons and for seasons

But they were never meant to last

Because with her you see

No one can hold a candle

 For I will love her for a thousand life times

Because being with her was met to be 

Copyright 2014 June Bolland

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Love letter…

I’m trying to write a love letter

If I’m being honest

I started off quite well

I’ve managed to write down her name

“Dear J”

But then the nib of my pen

became frozen to the page

And so did the thoughts in my brain

I’m trying to express the way I feel

But my head is full of facts it doesn’t

Know where it’s at

So many questions and answers

Of my desires of wanting her

And how I’ve missed her touch

And how I long for her kisses

Of how I  love her

so very  much

But do I dare

after asking her to take things slow

Maybe that’s the reason I haven’t got

Any further than “Dear Jo “

My head screams

So I try to relax, refrain

Start again

But the nib of my pen is still

frozen to the page

The words just won’t come

They cannot be written

Maybe it’s time for this bullet to bitten

Maybe I should just ring her instead

COPYRIGHT 2014 June Bolland

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Between the dusk and the dawn…

In the dark hours between dusk and dawn

When my thoughts are at their darkest

When dancing demons taunt me

When their voices tease my thoughts

You are my one constant vision of hope

You with your words of comfort

Yours are the lips that kiss the tears away

Yours are the hugs that banishes the lonely thoughts away

So in the dark hours between dusk and dawn

It’s you, only you that gets me through the night

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

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Memories for a Birthday

dad birthday

MY 200th poem on wordpress, how fitting it should be written for my Father on what would have been his 81st birthday

There hasn’t been one day since you past

That I don’t think of you

Sometimes the thoughts are tinged with pain

But not today Dad

Today I think of good times

Happier times

Of the silly days we shared

Of times when I was small

When you sit me on your knee

And you’d read to me, sing to me

How I so miss your voice today

These are the days I want to remember today Dad

There are things we try to cling to

Of stories shared

Some memories can only be seen through photographs

But the most precious memories cannot be seen or heard

They are in every heartbeat that we feel

So today Dad

Happy Birthday

Wherever your spirit soars

With love from me your little girl

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

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3 am in the morning…

3 am in the morning

I find myself sitting by the window

Watching the stillness of the sea

Thoughts running around my head

My heads too busy to sleep

With pen in hand and a blank page laid before me

I look over to you sleeping

My inspiration

But I cannot write tonight

There are too many thoughts running

Around my head tonight

So sit and watch you for a while

You breathe in unison with the tides

Your stillness always calms me

It soothes me

Like the ocean does

It makes me feel safe

Slowly I drift off into a state of peace

5 am in the morning

I am awoken by your voice

“Its 5 am in the morning

You’re freezing

Come back to bed”

And safely you returned me to lie next you

Beneath the thick cotton cocoon

5:30 am in the morning

With the stillness of you wrapped around me

Thoughts no longer run around my head

Calm

Safe

We drift off back into a state of peace

Both breathing in unison with the tides as we do

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

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Impromtu blog My Sex by Elastica

Jo my partner and I were listening to this track last night. I hadn’t listen to this in a very long time and I had  forgotten how beautiful the words are it’s like spoken word poetry. Anyway I thought I share see what you think. 

THE LYRICS

What I want
Mornings to the winter and afternoons to the summer

What I want
Is for you to be waiting round the other side of every door

What I want
To walk through the wardrobe of other bodies we have known

What I want
Is fifteen minutes of you

What I want
A lover who loves me when others have loved me not

What I want
Is a big love, two spoons in a drawer, the master plan

What I want
A lover who can love me slowly

What I want
To make your heartbeat faster

What I want
Is a room with a three-bar fire, like the one you had before,
When you were poor and i just liked you more

What I want
To be in the park in the morning, the
Long shadows on the grass and the swans still asleep

What I want
Is to love you everywhere and everyhow

What I want
To kiss you until our lips are numb

What I want
Kiss you ’til everywhere hurts

What I want
Is to hear the rain against the window again

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Nine years ago

funeral 

Nine years ago

Has gone in an instance

Nine years ago

You left us

Nine years ago

My life was turned upside down,

I had to step up to the plate

Nine years ago

and we still miss your laughter

Nine years ago

how was it possible for you to succumb to this terrible illness?

a man of your stature

Nine years ago

over two hundred people flocked to show their respect

and to say their goodbyes to you

But tomorrow only three will remember you

out of those two hundred people that showed their faces that day,

The one’s still here, the ones that are left

Will they even remember its nine years ago

and we are still very much bereft

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

Ever had one of those days…. I have today was it!!!

impromptu posting the above video basically says everything I really want to say and there are bits of the video that make me laugh. Normally I’d write  a poem the events but today I am unable to so because you’d  think I had developed tourettes and 24 years out and open some people still leave me speechless  in good and bad ways. Maybe I do the poem tomorrow , hopefully I’ll be calmer about it then  . Anyway enjoy the video!