My thoughts flow from the ink of my pen
Only for their pain they write to be stemmed by the paper they are written on
I so want to write of love and happier times
and of memories of when my fingertips once explored all of you
But the ink that flows
now only stains my fingertips with its ink so black
Its colour has invaded my heart, my soul
As I know there cannot be anymore happy memories to write about
I have to instead write of closure and leave behind heartfelt sentiments and feelings I still wish to express
And so the words I now write are full of sadness and are numb
For knowing that no more words will express my love for you and the memories we once shared when my fingertips once explored all of you
Copyright June Bolland 2015
Tag: relationships
Blue eyes…
I’m readjusting to the silence
instead of conversing with you
I’m relying on one way conversations that now resonate in my brain
I’m recollecting the reasons why I fell in love with you
Maybe it had something to do with fact your eyes were an incredible blue
Maybe the colour attracted me
As I was familiar with the colour blue
The blue of my bipolar
But then I realised your eyes were not an ice cold blue
Like the thousand tears I cried before I met youu
There was a warmth to them
they reminded me of the colour of the ocean
they invited me in
That day I fell in love with you
but loving someone with bipolar is a difficult thing to do ,
But for you falling in love with me was never going to be easy
there were minutes, hours, days, weeks, and even months
when I inexcusable hurt you and just pushed you away
But there were so many beautiful times when I drew you close into me
These are the times I’ll shall recollect
For no one in my past or in my future will ever compare to you
For you will always be my special
one with your eyes so blue
Copyright June Bolland 2015
The right decision?…
Clouds of doubt
Over shadow my mind
Of how I miss the little things we use to do
I miss keeping your hand warm in my pocket on cold winter days
I miss waking to the now void that was once occupied by you
I miss driving you to work and waving you off
I miss our morning chats before the sun was barely up in the sky
But most of all I miss the softness of your skin
All the things we (I) took for granted
It hurts to think I’ll no longer share these things with you
I sometimes wonder
Did we make the right decision
To allow this illness that renders
my mind Incapable of logical thought
and allows it to continually push you away (now forever)
We should have fought harder you and I (for our love)
For we were (are) two people still very much in love ( you and I cannot deny the facts)
But life has a habit of getting in the way
It saddens me we are so near ,just living 3 miles apart , but you feel so far away that I know we both feel alone and lost
Passion down the of the line…
I do not want emails
or text messages
punctuated with emoticons
I want the warmth
of your words to be turned
into feelings
I want your accentuated lit
to talk to me
down the end of the line
with promises that when we
are together again
your words will
become transposed into passion
Copyright June Bolland 2015
Reminiscence…
Left only with memories
of senses we once shared
and how what remains today
feelings no matter how mutual and amicable the choices we made
we drifted out of sight of one another and of how now in the cold reality
of the day it pain effects us
both and always will
Copyright June Bolland 2015
I missed you today…
I missed you today
I didn’t intentionally wake
with thoughts of you
But I missed you today
I thought to myself
is this how it will be
now you’re no longer here
Will I always have times
When I sometimes think
I wish you were here
and will I have day’s like today
when I missed you my dear
Copyright June Bolland 2015
Silhouettes are not required tonight …
Tonight I need your touch
I want to witness the love that stares
back at me
No pieces of shadows do I want to see
dancing on the wall in rhythmic formation
For silhouettes are not required tonight
Tonight I want our love to be surround by light
Where the soft hue outlines your beauty
In all its wondrous sublimity
Tonight I want our love to be shared amidst
The dimmed lights
Copyright 2014 June Bolland
Hidden meaning…
You know my true feelings
Beneath my touch
You know my true words
Beneath the ink
Copyright 2014 June Bolland
Girls with no names…
I was never the settling down type
I didn’t buy the whole relationship thing
I didn’t believe in all the hype
I played the field
I kissed so many girls with no names
Broke so many hearts
to my shame
But non were ever good enough to last
And so quickly I moved on
Until there was you
Now I see myself growing old with you
As for the whole relationship thing
I’d say our matching rings say everything
Never again with there be anymore with no name
That was in the past
For your name is tattoo on my heart
I promise never to break your heart
Because I love only you
Love you too much…
Sometimes
I think I love you too much
I have tempered eyes of green
that stir emotions in me
That laid repressed
Darker emotions
That creep to the surface
Of an anger that was nurtured inside
And witnessed through my childish eyes
Of people who loved each other a little too much
And those scars I wear on my back
The ones you so often affectionately kiss
Those are the scars she gave me
That first time she told me
She loved me a little too much
But sometimes
I feel I’m morphing into her
This scares me
Sometimes
I want to shake you
Tear off your head
For being too nice
For being too bloody understanding
For being too naive in certain situations
And
For loving me back a little too much
But in your heart you know
I’d never touch you the way
She did with me
I would never allow myself to get inside your head
Like they did to me
Because I really do love you too much
©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland
Tides
There was a storm that hit our bay
That drifted you too far out to sea
Too far for me to swim and reach out for you,
So far I couldn’t rescue you (rescue us)
I stood on the beach helpless
I watched the flow of the water
carry you away
As the tears flowed down my cheeks
I was weighed down by heavy heart
heavy because it was full of sorrow
I looked out on to the horizon
you were slowly drifting out of my sight
I thought you set sail towards new lands
I thought the tides of someone else’s ocean
had swept you to their shores
so many days you were lost at sea
I wondered if the tides would ever change their course
and return you back to me
then I saw your signal the beacon of light
the tides had granted me my wishes and guided you safely back to me
you moored yourself by my side
I made a promise to myself ( to you) to keep you safe
to never let you drift off back out to sea
because I will always keep your anchor secure, safe in my heart
where it was meant to be
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved
Joie de vivre
I am lacking in joie de vivre
My brain has stopped properly functioning
Since things went wrong and you left again
My brain over thinks
It’s over worked
With thoughts of you
Play, pause, rewind,
Memories of happier times on a loop of you, me, us
I try so desperately try to recall your touch
I so miss the feel of you, the warmth of you, the love of you
My body aches for you
Melancholy invades me again
Too many emotions are contained fighting within
I need so much sleep
I could sleep for a hundred days
But then there is the emptiness,
But I so need empty, I so need space
I need the void to wallow in
To recovery, to gather strength
Within these walls of silence
To find my joie de vivre without you
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved
I need to go beach walking …..
Another impromptu posting with none of my attempts at poetry!
I seem to have found myself with a day off work , so I’m off on a trip back ‘home’ to North Wales, for a “Welsh fix”.
I need to be by the sea and I need to go ‘beach walking’ because I’m starting to dwell on things too much and that’s not good. I’m allowing things to happen that I don’t want to happen namely the separation of J and I.
I wish one of us had been unfaithful , I wish we could get angry. I wish we had a good enough reason for making ourselves miserable but we don’t truth be told the only thing that’s keeping us apart is the fear of the future ( you’ll have trawl through my earlier postings its far too early and complicated for me to explain!)
In the four years we were together we’ve had one previous separation which lasted for six months ( I basically lost the plot for a short while and she gave me space to sort myself out) other than that the odd silly little spat but no arguments. Friends/family say we’re perfect together , we compliment each other , we’re miserable when not sharing each other. Don’t get me wrong we weren’t joined at the hip. But it was just good knowing that what ever we did during the day was for the mutual care of one another, that we had each other to rely on , oh that someone other than family loved you, someone who thought you were worth the effort , she is that someone.
I’ve had previous partners of varying in times, 10 years, 7 and some no longer than a year, to be honest always been a bit cynical of relationships until J . I use to hear stories of how when people met and they’d say I knew she was the one and never understand I do now, I want to grow with her ,simple as.
Anyway there’s an unknown quote ” I never thought love was worth fighting for but then I look into your eyes I’m ready for war ”
Well I am ready to fight for us and a trip to the sea and walking on the beach is just what I need to sort out my strategy.
Green Eyed Monster
New person on the scene turns your head
All my hopes and thoughts of you and I are struck down dead
Dreams turn into nightmares which you don’t know
and if you did would you care ?
Declarations however subtle of how I loved you
were spoken from the heart
But now they no longer speak
There is a wound so deep
I should be grown up and wish you well
But my green eyed monster stirs within me
and Shouts out loud ” I hope you die and go to Hell !”
©Copyright 2013 By June Bolland.
All Rights Reserved.
I miss you…
I miss the synchronized rhythm of your hips
I miss kissing the inside of your thighs
I miss looking deeply into your blue eyes
I miss all our stupid conversations , everything that was said
I miss the fact you no longer share our bed
I miss how you’d hold me real tight
I miss making love to you in the middle of the night
I miss the softness of your breast’s in the palm of my hands
I miss how you get me , when no one else understands
I miss , I miss
I miss you…
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved.
