May contain Rants

Cross outs

Its that time between dusk and dawn

The time for lovers

To rediscover one another

This is time I miss with you

When we had endless chats

Time when we laughed

as we tried not to wake the neighbours next door

(God I miss your laughter)

And when I was feeling blue

You’d get up and make me a brew

and climb back into bed and snuggle

me in close to you so I could breath you in

(God I miss your smell)

I sometimes used to count down the hours

just to be alone with you

But now things have changed

The bed feels very strange

without you lying here next to me

I can still picture you engrossed in a book

Whilst I waited patiently for you to put it down so we could fuck

(God I miss the taste of you, I miss the softness of your skin)

But now the time between dusk and dawn

Is spent thinking about you

Its a time when the tears that have gathered all through the day finally flow free

Its a time for me to write down over and over

To summarise how I feel about life, how I feel about you, about us

But so many times I cross out what I want to write and start again

I often wish life was just as simple

That we could cross out all the bad bits and start over again

Because I want if I’m being honest, is to cross out what went wrong

And for me to be lying next to you,

watching you whilst your engrossed in your book waiting patiently for you to put it down

Because its that time between dusk and dawn

The time for lovers

To rediscover one another once again

© J Bolland 2016

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3am Lyrics…

12 months on
Do I sarcastically raise a glass to the fact that I survived
Or do I wallow because secretly I’m broken
without you here beside my side
Truth is all I know is I regret that day
That I finally drove you away
I remember the tears we both cried
That day we realised no matter how hard we tried There was no more us
There was
Just a you
Just a me
I’ve tried to move on
I’ve tried to stop the emptiness
that occupies my mind
With  the company of friends
But they are no substitute for you
They don’t get me like you do
(like you did)
There is an emptiness that lies next to me in bed
And no more words of devotion come in my head
There’s a longing in me
That feeling of love still lingers there for you
Because no one touched me like you do
(Like you did )
Early hours come and go
But your arms no longer wrap around me and wake me from my slumber
So many nights I have resisted calling your number
So in the early hours of the morn when I have the urge to talk to you
I instead outpour my feelings onto the page
I write because I am confused
I write for you my muse
But if the words are not there I play ‘our ‘ song
In order to remember all the good times we had
Before everything went wrong
So if you read my words
Because I know you do
remember those ‘ 3am lyrics’
Hold nothing but the truth
They say everything I feel about you
12 months on

© June Bolland 2016

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Truce…

My heart is over ruling my head today with random thoughts of you
I try and convince myself it will pass
I realised I asked too much of you
pulling you in
pushing you away
promising you the world
A promise I could not deliver
my bipolar saw to that

I realise my heart , it’s rhythm is slower these days
because you are no longer here to make it beat fast
but as I said my heart is over ruling my head today
Its making me think of happier times
Things I thought I’d put to bed
Random thoughts that now make me search out the box in my bed side draw, the one that holds our rings
I take yours out and gently hold it like I’m holding you again

My heart is asking my mind questions it has no right to ask
It’s wondering if I called you would say “Hello”
I’d ask you if we could call a truce on the love and hate thing that we’ve had going on
cos I hear your on you’re own again
and I’m thinking that you could do with a shoulder right now
But maybe not , as I said I cannot give promises I cannot keep
But maybe all I really  want to say to you is I fucked up and well my heart still misses you, but as I said my heart is over ruling my head today

© June Bolland 2016

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Absence…

How long has it been now ?
Since the great silence descended
How long has it been now ?
Since the nights became lonely and darker
How long has it been now ?
Since this void replaced you
The truth is I can’t ask you
as your absence is all too clear
So I shall have to answer my own questions
Not long enough do you hear
Does that surprise you my dear
What did you expect my world to come crashing down without you here to hold it up
See this is the madness of love
It can turn completely on its head
I once loved you so much
I’d have given you that world that I speak of
But now I can barely utter your name sometimes without having such feelings of contempt
It saddens me to think of you that way
But my absence has left you with a void you have quickly filled
It has allowed you to fill the silence with someone else’s laughter and make your nights no longer lonely or darker
Now I am not bitter at knowing this
You know me better than that
I just hope she makes you happier than
I did
Just promise me one thing though
If things do get difficult don’t run and hide , face up to them , challenge them
Do not give up like you did on us
Do not allow someone else to feel your absence .

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An unbreakable bond…

What is love

Love is like dancing

Under a moonlit sky

Love is the feeling you

When you release a captured butterfly

Love is knowing you are there to hold

Love is knowing that when we fight

We are human enough

To admit when we are wrong

Love is you knowing every secret held in my soul

Love is having an unbreakable bond

Love is you and I

Copyright 2014 June Bolland

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MONDAY’S OFF…

LET’S GO WALKING IN THE PARK

AND DANCE AMONGST

THE AUTUMN LEAVES

LET’S GO BEACHWALKING

AND SIT A WHILE

AS THE SEA WASHES THE PEBBLES

AND MAKES THEM SHINY AND NEW

LET’S GO DRIVING AND LOUDLY SING SONGS

AND FORGET THE WORDS HALF WAY THROUGH

AND BELLY LAUGH WHEN WE DO

LETS STAY AT HOME AND MAKE THE MOST OF THE

TIME WE HAVE ALONE

I DON’T CARE

WHATEVER WE DO

AS LONG AS I SPEND IT WITH YOU

COPYRIGHT 2014 JUNE BOLLAND

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Thoughts…

We were two strangers

Until that first kiss

Remember how we smiled

through the whole thing

That was before the demons

took over the roller coaster ride

And my life became a series

of mania and depression

They say I now need timeout  

To  allow you time to recover

from all the hurt I’ve instill on you

That I need to quieten my mind

To allow my brain to recover

That I need to take my pills

to attend the therapy

and to learn how to control

the rapid thoughts that

race around my head 

Yet when I’m

Alone at night

I still think of you

And that first kiss when

We were strangers

Copyright June Bolland 2014

May contain Rants

My Heart

care of heartThere’s fragility to my heart

Yours alone to handle

Yours alone control the rhythm of its beats

Yours alone to do what you wish

Love it

Care for it

Save it

Nuture it

Do as you wish

Just promise me you will try not to

Break it

Damage it

Or

Lose it

I give the fragility of my heart to you

It belongs to no one else but you

It is yours until the last beat stops beating

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland

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Always,Then and Now

MEETING

Always

She’s beautiful, and yet she’s sees beauty in me I never even knew existed

She saw a future for the two of us, long before I could see

She gave me space and time

She remain strong, steadfast

She didn’t give up

She offered me truth, love and trust

Then

I learned to see myself through her eyes

I opened my mind to the possibilities of a future I could at last see, could at last feel

I needed the confinements of her arms

I stopped running, turned round to where she stood and saw beneath her beauty

I knew then what she offered me was real

I realised only she could show me the meaning of what truth, love and trust was

Now

We both see the beauty in everything we have

We now wear rings that plan for a commitment in the future

We both share a space in each other hearts, place that no one else can own

We both walk down the same road side by side

We both know that we offer each other a lifetime of truth, love and trust

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

On nights like this…

in bed

On nights

When neither of us is ready to sleep

We’ll lie face to face

And lose ourselves in conversation

Our fingertips

Will gentle dance over each other’s skin

And as we’d touched

We’d leave finger prints of passion

And the intensity would resonate

Throughout our frames until we would become

Entwined with an invisible thread of love

We would become one

And as we’d inhale each other’s breath

With the kisses we’d share

The night would disappear in time

And the dawn would break

And we would then  realise we never did sleep

Tonight has a feeling

That it is one of those nights

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

Sex appeal!

your interesting and different.I remember our first date

Walking home with you

And your fingers found the spaces between mine

They locked, shut tight

As if you had caught me and

I knew there and then it was for keeps.

We stopped and lingered at your door

You said you wanted me, right there and then

I told you don’t! I didn’t put it out on first dates

I told you I wanted to get to know you just a little bit more

In fact it was 6 months and 3 days until I finally lay with you!

You told me I oozed sex appeal

I laughed nervously, a knee jerk reaction

No one had ever said that to me before

Say it again I asked you, so to make sure I wasn’t thinking it out loud

Because that how I felt about you too

But it was true you had said it and I replied but why what is that you see

That evades my vision.

I think went onto protest a little too much,

I am straight up and down, but you have the most wonderful breasts I exclaimed

(I had notice them once or twice during our night).

I have a crooked nose I inherited off my grandfather

How can you possibly say I ooze sex appeal?

When you stand there looking like a Goddess

You are beautiful!

Whilst I stand here like some prepubescent teenage boy

(with an image of your breast ingrained in my brain)

You ooze confidence you said

It leaves a trail of scent like perfume

You wear your sexuality like a coat; fasten with the buttons of experience

Your quirky, different, I love the way your mind thinks and how you speak

How you held your coffee cup tonight, need I go on? you said

You asked if would I kiss you or is that not permitted on first dates too

I didn’t need asking twice

And five years on, engaged here we are still very much in love

Infact the love has grown stronger over the years

And you still say I ooze sex appeal

You still love /want my straight up and down

You still enwrap in yourself in me

You still kiss my crooked nose when you awake in the mornings

and when you go to sleep at night

And me well I love every inch of you from your brain down to your toes

But secretly I will always worship your breasts

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

May contain Rants

A moment in the moonlight

As the sun setsmoonlight

You take my hand

As we go beach walking on the sand

On a familiar path

To our Bay

There’s a garland of stars out tonight

As the moon reflects on the water

Like a mirror ball it illuminates the sea

We rest a while

And

With our hands now in my pockets

Your  fingers become entwined

With mine

We keep each other warm

And only the sound the sea makes surrounds us

You’re quiet

You’re thinking

Happy thoughts

I think?

With your head now perched on my shoulder

You kiss my cheek and say “ Thank you”

I reply what for “ For today? ”

“No for everything” you say

“For being you”

“For being there”

“For making me laugh”

“For your constant words of love”

“For your openness and honesty”

“For your patience”

List goes on

I turn to you

I tell you “I would have none of those things if it wasn’t for you”

Still we stand with hands remaining in my pockets

You kiss me again this time harder and as you do

Your tongue caress mine

As the sea caress the shore

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

May contain Rants

A simple poem for a beautiful life

Watching you wakebeing loved

Sharing long kisses

And sweet embraces

Hours of wonderful conversations

Comfortable silences

Smiling

Laughter

Enjoying everything from

Mundane chores

To strolls in the park

Beach walking

As we walk hand in hand

Surprise photo text messages whilst I’m at work

With the words “I love you”

Sitting at cafe’s

People watching

Just knowing what you’re thinking

Snuggled on the sofa watching TV in the evening

Dancing at 3 in the morning

Listening to you as you read out loud

Bath times

Bedtimes

Holding you so tight next to me in the middle of the night

Making love with you

Being present as you fall asleep

A simple life

A beautiful life

Is what we have

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

May contain Rants

Counting

heart countingToday you made me smile seventeen times

Today you made me laugh out allowed more than a dozen times

Today you looked at me twice with that look of want in your eyes

Today you hugged me ten times

Today you told me you loved me three times

Today you kissed me  eleven times

But why do I count?

I count because every day I count my blessings for finding you , loving you and for you loving me 

more than once …

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

May contain Rants

For everyday to be Saturday Morning

Bed-Tea-In-Early-MorningIf I could have one wish

It wouldn’t be for extravagant riches

It would be that every day would be Saturday morning

With us lying there in our bed

Just chatting and drinking tea

Whilst ours finger tips did some elaborate dance

Or perhaps we would just lie there wrapped in each other skin

Watching through our bedroom window

What mood the sky was in

But I know one thing

Whatever we did

I would be happy, content in the knowledge

I’ts alone time with you

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

May contain Rants

In a halo of perfection

 

Sunlight Coming Through Lace Curtains

I love the way your hair falls on the pillow

I love to memorise every inch of you

To recall back on days and nights I may find myself apart from you

And as the sun’s rays peer through our curtains

And the morning light breaks the darkness of your silhouette

Their light illuminates every part of you

Until all I can see is my love, my life, my eternity

Lying there next to me in a halo of perfection

Whilst  I lie so close to you

so desperate to touch you

but knowing its too soon, you still need to heal

I resist the temptation,

Instead I am satsified  with the thousand hugs and kisses

you bestow on me a day

knowing is it only a matter of time

When we will again share our passion

So for now I will just lie here content watching you sleep

Lying there next to me in your halo of perfection

As the morning light breaks the darkness of your silhouette

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

All rights reserved

May contain Rants

Lie with me

in bed 2Lie with me

let me see your beauty

Lie with me

look into my eyes and

See my spirit and know the love it has for you

Lie with me

Place yourself beside me and hold me (just hold me)

Lie with me

kiss away my pain

Lie with me

let’s have meaningless conversations

until we laugh and the tears begin to fall

Lie with me

Let me fall asleep enwrapped in your skin

Take a nap with me this afternoon

Whilst the summer rain dances on our windows

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

All rights reserved

May contain Rants

In the silence of happiness

midWe’re both wide awake

Its two maybe half two in the morning

Your arms round my waist

Head leaning on my shoulder

Your legs entwined with mine

You pull me in close into you

It’s a time we’re familiar with

It’s a time we have deep meaningful conversations

Sometimes often or not it’s a time for wants

And needs to be initiated

But not tonight

Tonight there is neither

Tonight there is a sense of contentment

In the silence of happiness

Lying here knowing that the past is a distant memory

never to be relived

And knowing that our future is beautiful adventure

waiting to be lived

But more than that

It’s knowing that you are well, you are safe

You are here, just here by my side

With your arms round my waist

Head leaning on my shoulder

Your legs entwined with mine

I feel blessed…

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

All rights reserved

May contain Rants

In the darkness that surrounds us

TRAIL CLOTHESThe darkness surrounds us

We arrive home

A night of anticipation

Greets us as

We close the door

I go outside to sit on the balcony

I was about to have a cigarette

But then I realise I  don’t  need one

I’m already intoxicated by you

I’m waiting for you to join me

You’re pouring the drinks

The lanterns on balcony are lit

You come and sit

You straddle me

You’re now sat facing me

There passion in our eyes

Let’s take this inside

The night has just begun

I unzip your dress

It falls to the floor

You begin to kiss the back of my neck

Whilst your tease the buttons open on my shirt

Your hands begin wander

Belt undone

You begin to undress me

As I caress you

Our shoes kicked off

Music is on low

We dance real slowly

From room to room

Until we reach the bedroom

The rest of our clothes are now strewn across the floor

We begin to explore

In the darkness that surrounds us

May contain Rants

Would you ?

marry me

It’s late but

I’m wide awake lying here

With memories of our weekend still fresh in my head

And with still the touch of you

Lingering on my skin

Your on my mind

Then random thoughts appear in my brain

I’m replaying a conversation

I so want to have with you

If I asked you to marry me

Would you say yes

But is it too soon

I know we said we were taking it slow

I’m thinking longish engagement

What do think?

I want to recite my vows to you

Let’s face it, were half way there

Sickness and health I think we’ve already covered

Oh and the forsaking to all others

Oh  the richer and for poorer

well you know I’d live in a hovel as long you were by my side

There’s only til death do us part

And you know I want to spend the rest of my life with you

But I want to make to official

I want the certificate to say

My heart belongs to only you

I want the t-shirt with the lettering WIFE

Emblazed on it

And an arrow pointing to you!

I want to share your last name

Always wanted a double barrelled name

I want to wear matching bands of platinum gold

With an inscription of our love

We can read when were old

I want church bells, sky writing and choirs

I want to celebrate my love for you

I want them to play “our song”

When I dance you around the floor

So if I ask you to marry me would you

Say yes?

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

All rights reserved

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Today we have a tomorrow

We talked and talked
A serious conversation
ground rules set
and then the relief
the heartache lifted
we laughed and laughed
I don’t think we’ve laughed that much
in a long while
I’ve missed your laughter , your smile,
I’ve missed you
you asked how long  could I stay
I said “I am yours for the rest of the evening ”
I was sat on the balcony having a cigarette
I was watching you in the kitchen
God  you looked so beautiful
you came to join me
you came up behind me
wrapped your arms around my waist
you perched your chin on my shoulder
you embraced me with your love
we just stood there in silence
content with feel of each others skin
God I’ve missed you, missed this
then I sensed your posture changed
you spun me round
and looked at me
there was a worried look in your eye
“We’re going okay aren’t we, me and you” you asked me
“Of course we are” I replied
I cupped your face in my hands
I kissed you
God how I missed your kisses
I clasped your hands in mine
I told you there and then today we have a tomorrow
tomorrow we have a future
a future a life together
but tonight we have love to share
and  I led you inside
come on I said “Let me show
you  how I know  we are okay “…
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved

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May our lives always collide

LIFE 2You breathed life back into me

I rediscovered my inner child out with you

You filled my world with laughter and fun

You filled my heart with so much love, so much passion

Something that had been stolen and denied to me for so long

Not one day did I not enjoy sharing with you

Not one night did we not look forward to sharing ourselves

You  counselled me , opened me up , rid me of my demons

You allowed me to share secrets I held ashamed enclosed within

With you I found contentment , an inner a peace

But yet I was always running away from you

Because I never wanted you to be the one to leave ,

But always you’d run after me ,always with a kiss you reassured me

That whatever life throws at us we will never be at war you and me and

I do believe you

But know one thing no one will ever touch my soul like you do

With time , with space , we will redefined our relationship

Not again as lovers but as friends and one day not far from now

We will sit side by side on the fence leaning towards happiness

Because our lives were always meant to collide

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

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Random Break up thoughts

he

Hear that…

Twang

The vessels in my head snap

1, 2, 3 Ping

I feel the warm blood flow

My brain is over thinking

The blood, the memories

Coat and keep my brain warm

I see kaleidoscope images of you

Then reality hits and there is darkness all around

Tears have drowned my body

It is weak,

Too weak it could not hold onto you

 or wave you goodbye

People try to speak, make conversation

I hear their voices but their sound is muffled, distorted

Their words make no sense,

They try to console; try to say life has purpose without you

Sense. What is sense?

How can two people’s lives and love so entwined

Just end!  We gave up, we stopped believing

Purpose. What is purpose?

You were my purpose

You made me, shaped me from the mess you met

You gave me reason, to breath, to wake, to love

Now I’m left with the thoughts of us

The thought when I brought

You back to life when your heart was giving in

Now here am my heart is giving in

with you not here to save it

Hear that…

Twang

The vessels in my head snap

1, 2, 3 Ping

I feel the warm blood flow

The blood, the memories

Coat and keep my brain warm

My brain has over thought

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

All rights reserved

May contain Rants

Betrayal

you did

The news you delivered

I can still feel the kick to my gut

But now I feel nothing but your betrayal

My brain stills resonates from your deceit

I deserved more than your secrecy

But now I feel nothing but your betrayal

Your words meant nothing (did they?)

Mine meant everything, (every single last word)

But now I feel nothing but your betrayal

You mocked me,

YOU PITIED ME!

But now I feel nothing but your betrayal

You allowed me to dream a dream

 That was only real in my poems

But now I feel nothing but your betrayal

Yet I still can’t hate you

Because I loved you so much

But now I feel nothing but your betrayal

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

All rights reserved

May contain Rants

I was, You did, Were we?

a betI was naïve to the real you

I was blinded by your beauty

I was hungry for your touch

I was once so in love with you

I WAS

You did tarnish the image I had of you in the end

You did show me how ugly you became in the end

You did starve me of real affection in the end

You did give away the love you once had for me in the end

YOU DID

Were we?

Were we once?

Were we once so?

Were we once so in?

Were we once so in love?

WERE WE?

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

All rights reserved

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Circles

circles

We are constantly walking in circles

Never straight lines

Never with purpose

We are constantly walking in circles

Never moving to my left

Never moving to your right

We are constantly walking in circles

We once walked in sync

But now we are so out of rhythm

We are constantly walking in circles

Fresh starts, mundane middles, heart breaking finishes

Reliving the same situations, over and over and over

We are constantly walking in circles

I want to break this sphere and straighten it out

This ecliptic that constantly over shadows

We are constantly walking in circles

I want to be able to walk forward, never looking back, never with regrets

I need to find way of walking forward with direction and purpose

Together or apart

But I am tired of constantly walking in circles

Over and

Over and

Over

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

All rights reserved

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The Measurement of love

loveIs there a way to measure love?

Is there an accurate way to measure it?

Is there a special equation ?

Is it measured with a ruler?

Is weighed using scales?

is it measured in kisses?

is it measured by the fluid created from passion?

is it measured by the friction of our bodies?

is it measured by our temptation?

is it weighed by our desire?

is calculated by the hours we make love?

I think not, how can you measure love

But if love were to be measured

It would be by using our senses

Look see I have applied this special

equation to you

it is by

by the sight of your beauty,

times

by the sound of your Welsh soft lit,

times

by the touch of your body

times

by the smell of your passion filled scent

times

by the taste of your kisses

equals I have now have the measure of you

and the conclusion is I’m love

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved.

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No one but you

box lock

Take this thought and carry it with you always

my secret to no one but you

Take this sealed envelope and hide it in a secret place

it is my love letter to no one but you

Take this a box lined with velvet inside a  gift

inscribed with a message of affection to no one but you

Take my kisses and treasure them , they hold a thousand

songs I want to sing to no one but you

Take my body, every inch , every crease, and every impurity

it belongs to one but you

Take my soul when I die , carry it in your heart until we meet once more

because it will never belong to anyone else but you.

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved.

May contain Rants

You

The look from your eyes, dilates my soul and I see you hug bed

The exhale of your breath fills my lungs and I inhale you

Your kisses tease me and move me, and I taste you

The sight of your skin entices me and I caress you

The touch of your hand, it excites me and I request more from you

The movement of your body stirs me and I share every heartbeat with you

Your tongue, your fingertips arouse me and I respond to you

We share ourselves , content we fall asleep , and I am still holding you

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved.

May contain Rants

Reason’s, Seasons, and Lifetimes

seasons-1024x575

They say people come into your life for reason, a season or a lifetime

You are reason my for being

Fate brought you to me when I was drowning ,

You grasp me by the hand and held on tight,

I struggled in the depth but with your kisses you breathe  life into my body

Your presence is every season

You are my winter blanket; you protect me in my winter bleakness,

when my ruminations are dragged into the ice  where creature’s lurk waiting to feast on my thoughts

You are my spring you bring new life , you allow me to be reborn

You are the key that allows me to relive my youth in all its wonderment

You opened the box, that time had forgot, the one I had locked in all my precious memories

You are my  summer, holding  me in your warmth,

you are my lazy summer afternoons, your kisses quench my thirst

You are my autumn, with leaves golden that  remind me of the colour of your hair, you are

the orange amber fires that roar like the  passion you share with me

You are my lifetime.  you are my path I walk on , keeping my focus and away from harm

And yours is the image  when my  time on  this Earthly Plane is drawing to an end

your eyes, your smile and your beauty is  the last thing I want to see

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved.

May contain Rants

The ‘Talk’

door1she arrived, distraught in need of arms to hug

I held her

she cried  tears she’s needed to  Iet flow

I comforted her

she became composed and smiled and said “ I’m ok now, thanks for letting me stay.”

I smiled back and “ I couldn’t let you be on your own.” I replied

she kissed my forehead and said  “That’s for you be  you, for still caring.”

I sighed and said “I will always care for you.”

Her eyes then met mine, she knew my thoughts

I sighed again

We kissed …. (God I’ve missed her lips)

Fingers interlocked ,we raised , stood

moving towards the door , she  led me upstairs

I refrained

“I can’t do this do this to us, we still need to talk. “ I said

She turned to me  and “ Well ,lets go talk ” she replied as she takes my hand once more

kicking closed the door shut behind her ….

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved.

May contain Rants

The Battle

I cowered curled hiding behind the couchteddy

I was a child when you began ravaging my haven

The  gallery for the  pictures that I drew

They’d been hung with love and wonder

But you didn’t care if they became your casualties

You were hungry looking for your next feast

Searching for demonic bottle or the ransom to barter for it

I heard raised voices,

the loudness ,

the screams ,

the shouts of your demands

it was violent noise

I screwed my eyes so tight, as if the dark would plunge me into another land

But it didn’t , then came the slap,

I heard it ricochet off her skin

I knew I had to come from behind my parapet

Like David you were my Goliath

I stood before you my creator

I would  not allow my habour of love be destroyed by you

I did not need stones to break you

A look into  your eyes, into your soul is all it took

I witness the demons leave

With a fall to the knees you cried

Whilst my mother held you

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved.

May contain Rants

Early Morning conversation

My phone beepstext

Half asleep I reach out, stumbling for my phone

3:45 in the morning, it’s a text message from you ,

Your message read “R U awake?  I can’t sleep

Ring me if U R! “

I ring you back

You answer Hi your awake! I can’t sleep,

Yes I abruptly replied” I gathered” (well it is 3:45 in the morning!)

You go onto tell me you liked my poem

You agree we really do need to talk .

We arrange a date for this Sunday, time yet unsure

Then we continue to chat  a little more

You tell me how you’ve not been sleeping and how your mind wanders

You then enlighten me that’s it’s 1 month, 2 weeks, 6 days since we last had sex

It’s right about then  that I’m feeling a bit vexed

and  I’m struggling to find a reason why I adore you , but I do!  (well it is 3:45 in the morning!)

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved.

May contain Rants

Requistion’s of love

reqI want you to know our love is worth fighting for

I want you to know we seriously need to talk

I want you to listen my requisitions as I’ve listed below

I no longer want our love to be captured in a letter to be kept in my pocket

I want kisses on my neck not a chain holding a picture of you in a locket

I cannot cope with the empty sentiments of love

I need your nakedness lying on top of my body

I need the purity of your heart kept in an exquisite box marked fragile

I want the rawness of love wrapped in a bow of beauty

I want  to whisper sweet commands in your ear in the stillness of the night

I want us to face the future whatever it may hold

I want you as my lover not my muse

I  want to go back to way things were once more

I want to stop going around in ever decreasing circles

I want all our fears to be banished away with the shadows

I want to walk tall down the same life path as you

Finally I want grow old with you

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved.

May contain Rants

Requistion's of love

reqI want you to know our love is worth fighting for

I want you to know we seriously need to talk

I want you to listen my requisitions as I’ve listed below

I no longer want our love to be captured in a letter to be kept in my pocket

I want kisses on my neck not a chain holding a picture of you in a locket

I cannot cope with the empty sentiments of love

I need your nakedness lying on top of my body

I need the purity of your heart kept in an exquisite box marked fragile

I want the rawness of love wrapped in a bow of beauty

I want  to whisper sweet commands in your ear in the stillness of the night

I want us to face the future whatever it may hold

I want you as my lover not my muse

I  want to go back to way things were once more

I want to stop going around in ever decreasing circles

I want all our fears to be banished away with the shadows

I want to walk tall down the same life path as you

Finally I want grow old with you

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved.

May contain Rants

Selfish Wishes….

wishesI wish for a Tardis to travel in time

I wish for the words complication and compromise  did not exist

I wish my mother was well and able to walk

I wish my father was still here so could both  meet

I wish I was brave and had  a head for heights

so I could shout from the roof tops “ I LOVE YOU”

I wish our earth years were more equally matched

I wish your heart was mended and completely healed

I wish I could hold you and convince you everything will be alright

I wish could convince myself of the same thing too!

I wish you’d just come home so we could talk things through

And finally I wish you were lying  here by my side tonight

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

All rights reserved.

 

May contain Rants

Venus in Jimmy Choo’s

roomHome from work much too early

Catching up on mundane chores of life

Fresh clean bedding is laid on the bed

I recollect  how we writhed around  in the crisp Egyptian cotton sheets

Like wild animals in an eloborate  mating dance

The scent of your shampoo still remains on your pillows

where you once lay your head

I  realised how orderly everything now is

Except the thoughts that keep invading my head

There’s too much room on the dresser where a melody of colours once lived

Abundance of  space now invades the wardrobe that was once ours and

Coat hangers now hang redundantly

Space in the draws where your lingerie resided

Room in the cupboards where  your

Handbags and Shoes use to que, once all in order of size and  height of heel

I remember how when we were preparing for a evening  of pleasure

The air would would thick with your fragrance

And out of the mist my Venus in Jimmy Choo’s would appear

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved.

May contain Rants

I Dreamt of you

I dreamt of you last nightdream

For those few brief hours

Back to how it was before

all the confusion commenced

To have our future still unplanned

and have all doubt cast aside

I dreamt of you last night

It felt so good to hold you

To feel you touch once more

To witness your nakedness

All senses awoken again

I dreamt of you last night

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

All rights reserved.

May contain Rants

Remember

rememberRemember our first date

Remember I  gave you flowers and you blushed

Remember  I told you how beautiful you looked

It so was strange  seeing you out of your uniform,

Remember Jack Penate’s song  was playing on the radio

‘Be the one!’ and it became ‘our song’

Remember how you kept circling the edge of your cup

And how I immediately started to mirror you

Remember  how the crumbs of the cake lingered on the corner of your mouth

And I wiped the side of your  lips with my finger tips and I just lingered there too

Remember  how our gaze locked, which for me was usually hard to do

But you have the deepest eyes of blue

Remember on the way back to your home

holding hands

Remember our first kiss was in the rain

Remember how you told me how new this was to you

Remember me taking you by the hand

Remember, Remember, remember this and more

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved.

May contain Rants

Between the heart and the head

A Happiness  lies curled up with us in our living room watching tvhearthead (267x169)

affection is present in our kitchen

Laughter is constant in the garden

But we both cannot avoid what needs to done

for hearts and heads get in the way

Yet Joy it waits on the staircase

Whilst passion is waiting for us upstairs

For  Sensuality  is bountiful in our bedroom

But  we both cannot avoid what needs to done

for hearts and heads get in the way

Now a silence sits between us

A sadness awaits in the hall

and  regret it lingers at the door

But  we both cannot avoid what needs to done

for hearts and heads get in the way

For confusion is  taking you away…

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved.

May contain Rants

Missing someone

miss you

 

Today I am missing someone

Someone who gave me purpose to get up in the morning

and face the chores of the day

Someone who’s touch and kisses are now all too quickly

fading into sweet memories

Someone who’s  beauty  charmed me

and  kindness always  protected me from harm

Someone who’s love was my saviour

Today I am missing her

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved.

May contain Rants

Open heart …Closed mind

LOCK AND KEY

Your body moving my body, there was no disguise

A shameless love is what we shared right from the very start

Silent words that we spoke

We talked using our eyes

Feelings held deep we awoke

Then I recall you began to hold me under lock and key

There was no control over your jealousy

You were not content until you caused me so much anguish

All feelings I had for you I relinquish

I had no choice you drove me away

I needed to leave you behind

I could not stay

I left you with a closed mind

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved.

May contain Rants

Bodies Entwined

When I first caught your eyeentwined

I knew I wanted a taste of the pie

It was an attraction born of the flesh

we both have to admit

So here we lie bodies entwined

knowing the pieces don’t fit

But still we became one

The seed of our  love was sown, the deed

had been done

We both agreed that it wasn’t meant to be serious

Somehow we both got caught in something so delirious

So why can I not make myself clear,

I can’t allow myself to fall in love with you

what is it that still  keeps me here

So here I remain still wanting more

why can I not walk away from you,

Is it that hypnotised look you give me

with those eyes so blue

Or is it  your sweet voice whispering J’adore

So here we still lie , bodies entwined

until we again become one.

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved.

May contain Rants

I will….

i willLeave me alone in a room full of people and

I will try to make conversation , I will try to mingle

I will try not to look at you and smile , a smile that shouts  ” I love you”

and if people ask I will tell them that I am single

And when your family questions me , I will pretend and tell them that we are just

good friends

I will try not to feel hurt

If I see you flirt

I will do nothing if you denounce me

For I know when the evening ends and we are free

It will be you and me in a room full of passion

And I know our love no longer needs to be hidden.

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved.

May contain Rants

Body and Soul….

Your beauty blinds me that I cannot seepoem pic

Your smile brightens the darkest days I cannot seem to face

Your touch, your kisses I cannot resist

These are a few of the things make me love you with all my body and soul

And even though there’s a lifetimes difference between you and me

And friends think our relationship is a disgrace

Even though our time together has been relatively short

without you I doubt I could now exist

You have captured me with your youthful innocence

Now we’re caught in the headlights not knowing what is about to unfold

It’s like the turning of the pages of the chapter about me and you

We’re waiting for the story to be told

But whatever happens in the unfolding of the days that lie ahead

in the turning of the pages

And I know I sometimes stand between me and you

Just remember that part of my heart will always be yours

And although I do have doubts ,

it’s not because I don’t love you

Remember with all my body and soul

I now belong to you

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
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Continue reading “Body and Soul….”

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Goodbye to 2012 and Hello 2013………..

Seeing as I have time on my hands , which is rare for me , I decided to another blog ,as it might be a while until the next one, as I have a feeling January , February are going fairly busy with work, study and the added headache of now flat hunting.

Well 2012 is coming to a close and 2013 is less than 24 hours away. I love New Year it’s one of my favourite Holidays. I suppose it suits my character , because what lays before you is like a brand new shiny clean page just waiting for you to fill with adventures and memories and I like brand new shiny things , I like the neatness of it all.

On the whole 2012 was actually ok, I have no complaints, it leaves me with lessons learnt , and lots of memories and finally I  gained contentment.

The start of 2012 was not the best  The months prior to 2012 were a struggle for me, which ran into January and February of 2012 , I had been diagnosed as peri-menopausal in September 2011 , which at my age was unusually young, even though I’m in my mid forties. Not only did I have the physical aspects to deal with, far more worrying were the effects the condition did to my mental state, I was going through a mini breakdown, I couldn’t function nor could I concentrate, which for someone like me, who likes order was a nightmare.I’d also split from my girlfriend, the girlfriend I’m  back with now .

My doctor prescribed me with anti depressants , which I have had in the past , but I’ve never really been a fan, personally I feel they gloss over things. Now I’m not  saying that they don’t have their place in some situations, but they are not for me.They made me tired, and worse of all the made me feel suicidal and I also started to smoke again,  I’d also hooked up with this women I had met 2 years prior , who ended up being a complete headfuck as was the relationship, the only saving grace is I didn’t sleep with her and in my state could have easily happened,  lets just I was in a really bad way. Anyway I took sometime off work about 4 weeks, came off the meds , finally got rid of the headfuck  and breathed a sigh of relief.

By March my head was cleared , my girlfriend who I split from in August 2011, I heard was dating Tom , Dick and Harriet , I tried to put her at the back of my mind but I was gutted when I had heard the rumours that she was seeing other people (All of which weren’t true), you see we never actually parted on bad terms, I sort of pushed her a way because that’s what I do , it all comes down to the issue of love again and also because of what I was going through. However March and my birthday arrived and I received flowers from her and we got back in touch , we met up and talked and talked all evening , and although it wasn’t planned we ended up sleeping together , but hey when are these  things ever planned , and we both knew from that moment we should be back together, we’d both been miserable without each other. Although we didn’t announce it immediately we took a little time before we publicly said we were back together and since then things have been great apart from a minor wobble on my part which was over before it really started,

Well April flowed into May and May into June etc etc  I managed to quit smoking in May, during the rest of this time my girlfriend and I had some problems to deal with her mum and her acceptance of her daughters sexuality and also because of our relationship as I am twenty years older than her , oh and that we come from totally different social backgrounds. You see I’m my girlfriends first serious lesbian relationship, and she had also just come out to her parents , so I can kind of understand where her mum was coming from at the time, she need time out to get her head  around things and also deal with her concerns for daughters future and she also had slight reservations regarding me being older and having previous past relationships and plus the fact that I am a carer. (dating and being a caregiver is one of my future blogs for 2013!)

Well we moved into July and August and this when the year didn’t seem to be going well . My girlfriend has a heart condition which decided to give her a few major problems.  It was very serious at one point and we were expecting the worse, major surgery and even worse. I never at the time truly discussed the real graveness of the situation because I couldn’t bear to think about the thought of losing her, let alone tell anyone , so I was very matter of fact about the details I gave, but the last weekend in August we nearly lost her. Thankfully she pulled through only through her mums intervention. Ironically it was during this time her mum and I bonded, and thankfully she has come to realise how much I love her daughter and vice versa and that hopefully we are for keeps .

September and October we dealt with the recovery of my girlfriend , and I decided it was time to bite the bullet and commence gaining my British Sign Language qualifications. All of this was motivated/encouraged by the girlfriend , she’s one determined woman and well basically runs my life for me which is no bad thing, its nice having her at helm!

November arrived with an unwanted visitor. My mum had developed a pressure ulcer in 2009 which took 15 months to heal and it decided to open up again. Luckily we were on the ball and we have saved it being worse that it could have and although it’s doing ok , the medical staff that are looking after it are driving us all nuts,because instead of it being healed by now ,which was a feasible idea they have caused a serious infection to develop ,which is thankfully nearly sorted and so they have caused this to be dragged this into early 2013

Anyways 2013 is nearly upon us and although I don’t make resolutions as a rule ,well not ones immediately starting on January 1st ,I am this year.

First is making an appointment with my doctors for a complete  M.O.T as there a few things which are concerning me at the mo, which I’m not going to divulge further on because it’s non of your beeswax!

Secondly time to tone, I’ve put on a bit of weight this year , which is no bad thing as I’m skinny a rake , but I’m not as toned as I use to be and frankly I DON’T LIKE IT, so that’s a goal that has to be achieved and I think it will help with the whole fitness thing.

Thirdly and most importantly STUDY, STUDY AND MORE STUDY, I have to get that qualification in British Sign language!

Fourthly Get back to reading more and lay off social networks ie FB! I have always been avid reader , but this year that has simply not happened. Usually manage 2 book per month , but not this year! Anyway I have complied a list of books that I want to read , they are as follows :-

Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain by Portia de Rossi (Only because it relates to something my girlfriend has lived through)

The Time Keeper by Mitch Albom

The Paris Wife by Paula McLain

The Sisters: The Saga of the Mitford Family by Mary S Lovell

Scotch Verdict by Lillian Faderman

Zeitoun by Dave Eggers

The Lost Summer of Louisa May Alcott by Kelly O’Connor McNees

Well these should keep me going for a few months

Finally try to keep up with the blogging (.I have a list of subjects I want to write about!) and the photography which is coming on slowly.

Anyway I know that there are exciting things around the corner for the girlfriend career wise , I can’t say too much at the moment because things have yet to be finalised .

Anyways Happy New Year Everyone . May 2013 bring you much happiness and fulfilment.