May contain Rants

Yellow tailed

Sitting amongst the seaweed and the rocks

With my girl

Sea air tickles my nostrils and the sting hits me

Like a cold ice drink, it freezes my brain

But that’s good

My brain has been numb for weeks

My thoughts hiding in its cranial sac

Away from critical voices

But with medication now working

I can see people for what they are

Heads down they shuffle about

With their yellow tails tucked down low

beneath them

Scared the that ‘ stigma ‘ will touch them

You can see it in their eyes

no contact

they look away

Conversations stop

sometimes platitudes replace the words

They don’t want  to talk about it

IT’S TABOO!

BUT I DO!

I want shout out “I am as SANE as you, more so in fact!”

So thank God for my girl, my mother and the comfort of strangers

So to my ‘friends’ I have one simple message for you

God forbid the ‘black dog’ decides to take

A walk with you

Don’t come knocking at my door

I won’t be in

I’ll be sitting amongst the seaweed and the rocks

With my girl

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

Is life really so bad?

I hadn’t realised it been just over 2 months since I posted my last blog.

To be honest haven’t wanted to write anything that requires me to think. I’ve been dealing with an old back injury and trying to manage my Fibromyalgia, which flared up and repaid me an unwelcome visit last July. So currently having intense physio and attending a pain management clinic , just so I can really stop relying on the pain meds and also get off the anti-depressants, because with having Fibro and dealing with chronic pain comes depression, it’s a vicious circle . But in my experience you mustn’t dwell on the negative. Positivity, having a sense of humour being able to laugh is the key to beating pain, harder said than done, cos trust me belly laughs hurt.

Anyway so here we are, Christmas is over, 2013 has gone, and so a brand new shiny Year awaits to be filled with new memories. But I felt the need to write something today, for two reasons really

One because it’s a New Year .I love New Year, it a time to take stock, reflect, and set yourself new challenges. However going back to work, and listening to conversations, I am amazed at how many people whinge, moan about a variety of things life throws at them. They moan about work, money, etc., etc. Don’t get me wrong I love a good rant, but it’s usual about the way people behave, how they conduct themselves, about how injustice exists because of their behaviour.

Yet not one rejoices on the fact they are alive, well , probably happy sharing their life with someone they love, with no real hardship because they have a roof over their head and a bed to sleep in , clean clothes on their back and a belly so full of food. A head that has the luxury to dream, create ,have choices to do, be anything, find a balance of putting up with the crap life throws at them and being content they have an outlet to express themselves, they have the luxury of time to write lists of future plans, a bucket list. But instead people, they wallow in self-pity, why can’t people just be happy they have their health, a future.

Secondly I write this because my partner who is a sister in a large cancer hospital , she works on the a teenage cancer ward, every day she and her staff tend , nurse patients who aren’t let’s face not going to get well . On Thursday she went back to work and one of her patients is a young man, he’s 15, he’s been ill and in hospital since November, he and his parents were told that he probably won’t make it to July. So she spent the majority of the day comforting him and his parents. This young adult who will never know that feeling of being in love, of having children, be able to moan about the 9 to 5 and the rat race, will never be able to write lists of things he wants to do.

Sort of puts life in perspective really doesn’t it?

May contain Rants

a very very subtle RANT! (Just Because)

impromptu posting  because in truth I’m in need of a full-blown expletive  rant but  there is a time and a place and my blog is not that place . So  I’m keeping quiet (silent mouth mode on) trust me because I can go off on one( the clues in the name of my blog!!.)

Anyway I came across this poem,  ( above) by accident (thought I’d share) I do that, trawl the Internet for poetry (I can’t get enough)I think it’s brill , I hope you think it is too! This one is  about addiction( it’s been on my mind recently. I don’t drink , l like control and because in a way I had enough of it as a child that I’ve turned my back on it)

Anyway as I said in need of a rant , so here is a very very very watered down one

Just because

Just because I can write my name doesn’t mean I am a writer

Just because I can  press click on a camera doesn’t make me a photographer

Just because I can draw stick men doesn’t mean I am an artist

Just because I have opinions doesn’t mean  I should rude

( I was brought up with better manners than that!)

we are all talented in own special way,

We all have our reasons for it I am sure

but please keep your ego’s away from my door

nothing else nothing more

oh by the way thank you for your superficial like !

maybe I’ll get a trophy or a star

And well someone got to  keep it real, that’s for sure.

But I’m in need of an outlet and I’m  just saying, that’s all 

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

All rights reserved.

ooops (silent mouth mode was off , wasn’t it !)

May contain Rants

Fuck you..


Today  am furiousfuck you

Today you’ve push buttons I didn’t know I had

You write to me wanting  to hook up !

Are you fucking serious?

Today I am MAD

Did you know it  was 28 December 1994

We were out  having lunch and it’s when I saw you for the very last time

(well I was out , but for as  you  I really didn’t have fucking a clue!)

Ten years I hid your persona, hid our relationship

That’s  equals  521.77457 weeks  (I got that bit off google!)

Ten years of me unconditionally loving you

In hindsight you should have bought yourself  a fucking  poodle!

We waited patiently in the restaurant, with you fidgeting more and more

Then you nervously  stood as this  man entered the door

You introduced me to him

at the time  I couldn’t  remember his name, it could have been Jim

But just for the record  he ,” affectionately” became known as Mr Prick!

You then candidly told me you and him were an item

All I could think of was that you actually had intercourse with HIM!!

And for your next trick…

You then informed me that you were both getting married

On that note , without any further ado

With coat in hand off I hurried , with a boo hoo

Now fourteen years later

I heard he’s no longer in love with you

So it’s a case of see you alligator

You write and tell me you are now through

Again you don’t seem to give a shit what happen to me

Fucked up relationships, well I’ve had three

So no I haven’t exactly been singing and dancing from the rafters

Nope, I didn’t audition for fucking Glee!

But for your information I did eventually  meet someone

Who is one score younger than both you and me

So it’s not been all doom and gloom

She is beautiful and kind you see

Unlike you she has a heart so pure ,

As for your’s difficult to  find I am sure

Although me and her we’re not together anymore

We still love each other to infinity and beyond

(Thank you Light Buzz Year for your contribution to this poem)

It’s just that life keeps getting in the way , so if takes 10 years or 5 years

My door will always be ajar for her

However for you it is staying  firmly closed shut

But don’t forget what I said about considering getting a mutt!

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved.