May contain Rants

Serotonin sunshine…

sun (1)

I want to wake to a serotonin sun shining through my window

I want to feel the warmth of it penetrate my skin again

I want to feel my heart beating to a joyous rhythm

I want to dance like no one is watching

I want to glow like the ‘ready brek’ kids do on cold winter mornings

I want to feel

Happy

Happy

Happy once more

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

Between the dusk and the dawn…

In the dark hours between dusk and dawn

When my thoughts are at their darkest

When dancing demons taunt me

When their voices tease my thoughts

You are my one constant vision of hope

You with your words of comfort

Yours are the lips that kiss the tears away

Yours are the hugs that banishes the lonely thoughts away

So in the dark hours between dusk and dawn

It’s you, only you that gets me through the night

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

3 am in the morning…

3 am in the morning

I find myself sitting by the window

Watching the stillness of the sea

Thoughts running around my head

My heads too busy to sleep

With pen in hand and a blank page laid before me

I look over to you sleeping

My inspiration

But I cannot write tonight

There are too many thoughts running

Around my head tonight

So sit and watch you for a while

You breathe in unison with the tides

Your stillness always calms me

It soothes me

Like the ocean does

It makes me feel safe

Slowly I drift off into a state of peace

5 am in the morning

I am awoken by your voice

“Its 5 am in the morning

You’re freezing

Come back to bed”

And safely you returned me to lie next you

Beneath the thick cotton cocoon

5:30 am in the morning

With the stillness of you wrapped around me

Thoughts no longer run around my head

Calm

Safe

We drift off back into a state of peace

Both breathing in unison with the tides as we do

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

Towards the sun …

I’ve lost my way

I ‘ve been running away from the sun

To a place that’s all too familiar

To a place tinged with sadness and pain

Where only dark clouds follow me

I need the stillness and the time to think

To recollect my thoughts

To retrace my steps

But I ran away from the sun

I have lost sight of my shadow

My guide that helps me home

But which way do I now turn?

East?

West?

North?

Or

South?

Then I remember there are five fixed points

On my compass

I need to follow the direction towards

Love!

Home to her

Home to my mother

Home to those friends

Who care enough

Who love me enough

These are one’s who light my way

On this dark forsaken road

Back to them

Back home

Back towards the sun

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

I’m the land of words

books

“Child hide!” my inner voice would say

As the voices boomed from the kitchen

And I would run as fast as my tiny feet would carry me

Behind the sofa I would hide

But as the noise began to

Ricochet off the walls and the ceiling

Crouched I’d sit

And

Hide my face away

Deep in the blackness

Of my cotton and acrylic cave

I would stay

Until the noise would cease

And they would come and  find me

And with remorseful hugs

They would hold me

On those days when my parents needed to talk

I was given refuge with my grandfather

His house was a refuge for people

And for books

Rows of musty smelling

Hard backed books

Treasure Island

Robinson Crusoe

Little women

And book with words that didn’t have chapters

But with words that dance beautifully across the page

 Betjeman, Yeats, Woolf and T.S Elliot to name but a few

I listened as he would recite stories of far off lands

And hang on to every word

Of those of verses of love he would recite

I remember his heart danced

But his voice would quiver

I now realise he was thinking of my grandmother

As I grew I would search for those words he read

And lock them away inside my head

  So for those times when my thoughts are dark

And those demons come a knocking

I no longer hide behind seated barricades

I no longer hide away in my cotton and acrylic cave

I escape to the land of words

Where demons  are not welcome.

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

I'm the land of words

books

“Child hide!” my inner voice would say

As the voices boomed from the kitchen

And I would run as fast as my tiny feet would carry me

Behind the sofa I would hide

But as the noise began to

Ricochet off the walls and the ceiling

Crouched I’d sit

And

Hide my face away

Deep in the blackness

Of my cotton and acrylic cave

I would stay

Until the noise would cease

And they would come and  find me

And with remorseful hugs

They would hold me

On those days when my parents needed to talk

I was given refuge with my grandfather

His house was a refuge for people

And for books

Rows of musty smelling

Hard backed books

Treasure Island

Robinson Crusoe

Little women

And book with words that didn’t have chapters

But with words that dance beautifully across the page

 Betjeman, Yeats, Woolf and T.S Elliot to name but a few

I listened as he would recite stories of far off lands

And hang on to every word

Of those of verses of love he would recite

I remember his heart danced

But his voice would quiver

I now realise he was thinking of my grandmother

As I grew I would search for those words he read

And lock them away inside my head

  So for those times when my thoughts are dark

And those demons come a knocking

I no longer hide behind seated barricades

I no longer hide away in my cotton and acrylic cave

I escape to the land of words

Where demons  are not welcome.

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

My Heart

care of heartThere’s fragility to my heart

Yours alone to handle

Yours alone control the rhythm of its beats

Yours alone to do what you wish

Love it

Care for it

Save it

Nuture it

Do as you wish

Just promise me you will try not to

Break it

Damage it

Or

Lose it

I give the fragility of my heart to you

It belongs to no one else but you

It is yours until the last beat stops beating

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

Face to Face

the night is ours aloneFace to face

That first time

Hands barely touching

Fingers tips tingled at

Your slightest movement

Then THAT embrace

Eyes so blue

I found myself

Consciously fixed by your gaze

Not wanting to look away

Unlike I normal do

I don’t do the eye connect thing

But you

The first time I looked into your eyes

You transposed me into the deepest part of your soul

Into a vision of such beauty

A beauty I will never witness again

Or would want to.

Then there were you lips

The fullness of your pout

Exciting

Enticing

Then there was THAT kiss

That was five years ago

And now your touch still makes my fingertips tingle

And your kisses still entice me

But

Still  I don’t do the eye contact thing

With anyone but you.

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

Time and Distance

luckyI watched you unpack

Your suitcase

I missed you I said

You stopped, smiled

Turned and kissed me on the cheek

And said I’ve missed you too

But I was only gone four days

The house was quiet without you

I said

Empty, tidy but colder

But in a funny way

I missed your mess

I’m glad your home

You turned wrapped

your hand in mine

Until you squeezed it tightly

And said I’m glad I’m home too

But I was only in Amsterdam

My minds been working overtime

Without you here to calm it

I said

You’ve been on my mind constantly

You let go of my hand and hugged me

and  said I thought of nothing but you too

But I told you it was only four days away in Amsterdam

I know I said its seems nothing

when you say like that

But in seconds it sounds so much worst

In my mind

You were  gone for

345600 seconds

and seemed so far away

 495 Kilometres away to be exact!

I told you my mind’s been

working over time

But I missed you

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

Look in the mirror and smile

Sometimes I look in the mirror and check the make up mirror adult child

Not cosmetically,

But the physiological make up that makes me

Sometimes I look and see the confidence

The strength with every new line that appears

But sometimes (rarely now)

I see a child’s image reflect back at me

The eight years old (me)

Weak, timid, no voice and a million fears created

by the violent noises that surrounded me

From my Jekyll and Hyde father

Memories that sometimes are so clear,

I am back there, hiding behind the sofa as a battle is fought

In the living room

It’s a noise that never leaves you

I hate violent noise

Angry voices still now

I shun those’s who take me back to hear this noise

these days I fight for the underdog, the supressed , those who feel like I felt

when mother’s shout and scream at their child

I offer a reassuring smile

to comfort to send a message not all adults scream and shout

some of us smile

so maybe when they’re grown they won’t remember

the violent noise that came from their mother mouth

maybe just maybe they will remember

the stranger that gave them that reassuring smile

and when they are grown maybe they will look in the mirror

And see an image a of smiling face starring back at them

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

From Morning until dusk

mornThe morning is for us

From that first kiss that awakes

Me from my dreams about you

To smiling at you as lying next to me

The mid-morning and afternoons are full of thoughts of you

Mid-morning smoke breaks and texts from you

To counting down the hours til you get home

Lunchtime chats that end with I love you

The evening is always spent will you?

Catching up on the day’s events we’ve both been through

Listening to music, watching TV, me writing poetry and you bringing me tea

Evening full of laughter, and chatter

The dusk is for us

Filled with passion and the exquisite touch of you

Alone time, our time

And kisses we share to send us to our slumber

And as we lie face to face we both say goodnight

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

One of those days

daysIf today was a texture it would be course wool

The kind that makes you itch as it touches your skin

If today was a colour it would grey

The kind of colour of breeze blocks that they use to build prison walls

If today was an emotion it would sorrow

The kind of emotion you know you want to cry

But don’t cos you’re afraid you’ll never stop

If today was a sense it be summed up in a look

The kind of look that disengages you from looking towards the light

If today was a time it would be ten to two

Kind of a time you need  time to yourself

But know in reality that’s it’s not going happen until after five

It on days like these that you have to get through

For you never know tomorrow might be

 yellow in colour and have the texture of silk

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

Winter sands

 

rhos 2

As autumn arrives

And winter is not far behind 

The beach becomes a void

Of the throngs of families

Who came in their droves

To frolic and dance on the vast yellow shores

That now lie deserted, abandoned

No more castles will be built until the spring

Yet there is beauty in these unspoilt sands

That makes us walk for miles until we reach the beaches end

And we come to the Bay

Desolate

The waves crash harder against the rocks on the Bay

As we wrap up in thick winter coats to keep the winds from biting

As the tides drive the sea further than it has flowed all year

And the winter sand stings

Rock pools drown in the ebbing tides

And boats are neatly moored in the quayside

And apart from the gulls cry,hungry for food

That’s no longer there to steal

The silence is overwhelming

The greyness of the skies blend into the greyness of the ocean

The shore has been reclaimed

And ours are the only foot prints to be seen along the shore

This is the time I love to go beach walking with you

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

The waiting Room

waiting in hosp

People silently sitting

Some sit with hands fidgeting

And knees twitching

Nervous tension

Sat in neat orderly lines and rows

Waiting, clock watching

Tick tock tick tock

They sit with fear etched on their faces

There’s a sense of  premature sadness that fills the air

Waiting, clock watching

Tick tock, tick tock

Empathic smiles shared between strangers

In corridors and rooms with sterile coloured walls

With magazines on tables 3 months out of date

and discarded  styrofoam cups

Soft muzak plays to soothe the  patients as they wait to learn their fate

Waiting, clock watching

Tick tock, tick tock

For their name to be called

For their futures to be decided

Whether it is allowed to continue as it was before

But for those who are told the bad news (no one wants the bad news)

They leave the doctor’s office

With their world crashing down

Tumbling around their feet

Whilst those left sit patiently

Smile with empathic grins

All thinking the same thought

There but for the grace of God (go I)

But still they sit

Waiting, clock watching

Tick tock, tick tock

For their name to be called out

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

My Angel needs love

Sometimes my angel needs to rest her wings     angel wings on chair

It’s can be tiring taking

Care of everyone else but herself

Sometimes she just needs the security within my arms

To feel the love surround her, shield her

On those days that are bad

When she is reminded of past memories

That suddenly just appear

To understand and have no fear

That I am always here

To bestow a thousand kisses

To know that I will be there to rock her to sleep

And dry her tears as she weeps

and neatly put away her wings

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland