May contain Rants

I know this now…

There was a time I doubted her

I thought the years between us were too much

I doubted whether she’d understand

The complexities of my mind

So many thoughts of doubt I had

So I put obstacles

Of my baggage in her way

Pushed her away again and again and again

And hid behind my walls

But she never gave up

Because she loves me

I know I this now

She tells me age is just a number

That we meet somewhere in the middle

I know this now

For behind the Chanel and her jimmy Choo’s

Is the spirit of an old soul

Where as I am young at heart

She tells me she understands the definition of complexity

She’s tells me how she gorged on it and spewed it out

I know this now

She tells me she’s here to help carried the load I once called baggage

That  I no longer need to struggle with it alone

I know this now

She tells me I do not need to hide behind vast walls

For her arms are the only protection that I need

and so she pulls me in towards her  again and again and again

I know this now

And when on bended knee

I placed that ring on her finger

All the thoughts of doubt

I once had

All those foolish thoughts

Vanished in the breeze

Because she really does love me

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

True colours

colour 2

I take off my rose coloured tinted glasses

And observe the world around me

Through my bipolar eyes,

High on the chemicals

That makes me see with such clarity

The true colours

Of people whose spectrum’s do not illuminate as much

In the opaqueness that temporarily surrounds me

I pick through their transparency

Until all that is visible is the grey faint outlines underneath

Of those whose colours are truly so superficial

And insignificant, could easily be erased

I was deceived in my perception of their true colours

They out shone colours of those whose faded aura’s

Quietly glow in the background

With their hue of light blue light

They evoked an understanding

That encourages me to their light

Colours I did not know radiated so much such

These are the colours that I turn to

They guide my way and

keep me from  the dark

Then there are those whose colours never alter

Solid,

Bold

One who glistens like the diamond that she is

Then there is she

Her colours are the truest colours

Of red, green and blue

And Blended together

We create rainbows

In a world that would otherwise be grey

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

May contain Rants

She who protects me

It’s three in the morningPANIC

And the darkness surrounds us

As you sleep

But I cannot sleep

I am fearful of the dark

I know they are coming

My mind is under siege

And I know I am not strong enough to withhold

The army of demons that is about to invade me

I can’t think straight

Should I take refuge within your arms (but I do not want to wake you)

Or do I run

I run

Into the cold and dark of open spaces

But it’s all too much

They are here whispering in the corners of the garden

They begin to taunt me

They laughter hurts my ears

I drop down to the floor as if to vanish in the ground

I lie there in foetal position

Silently weeping, shaking

Then you find me (you always find me)

You scoop me up

You sit me down

You wrap us both in a blanket

Dry my tears

Your voice soothes me

Shhh you say they’ve gone

There’s just you and me

You rock me and it calms me

You take me by the hand

And guide me towards upstairs

You lie me down

and cover me

Climb in beside me

Continuously you rock me

As I drift off to sleep

The darkness is bannished

No longer fearful

For you, my woman, wiser than her years

Always finds me

Rescue’s me

From the darkness of the night

And  the demons that taunt me

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

It’s a generational point of view

bench

Lunchtime in the park

You’ve text  me you need a break

You’ve had a busy morning of

Cancer Inauguration’s of people who are

Scared of what their future hold’s

You know through experience that only half will survive

You needed a break and a comforting arm around your shoulder

and the reassurance of a kiss upon your cheek

you receive all in the park at lunchtime

a small group of teenage girls go by

they couldn’t have been no more than fifteen years old

a small presentation of what our future holds

we’re clench in fingertips, locked in lips,

I admit we were lost in the moment for a brief second

because being gay in a very straight world we are

always,

always

planning our advances

I hear one remark with venom

“Did you see that, they were ‘gay kissing’ “

This comment makes me angry, but importantly it makes

me sad that this a sample view of our younger generation

who can differentiate between a kiss and a gay kiss,

would they differentiate between loves?

would they keep us oppressed and try force us back into closets?

it makes me disillusioned

then an old couple come join us on the bench,

they see your wearing hospital scrubs

they strike up conversation of how they lost their daughter

ten years ago to breast cancer

you can see the rawness is their eyes

they ask us if we are a couple,

reluctantly I confirm we are

their reply is simple yet beautiful

and it fills my heart with warmth and restores my faith

“Cherish each other”,

“Be there for each other”,

and “Love one another.”

we take their advice and say our goodbyes and

hand in hand we take our leave

We overhear the old woman comment to her husband

“What a nice couple they were. “, he replies “Yes dear they were.”

It makes us smile and and you squeeze my hand

as we continue to walk on hand in hand

that lunchtime in the park

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved

May contain Rants

The Battle

I cowered curled hiding behind the couchteddy

I was a child when you began ravaging my haven

The  gallery for the  pictures that I drew

They’d been hung with love and wonder

But you didn’t care if they became your casualties

You were hungry looking for your next feast

Searching for demonic bottle or the ransom to barter for it

I heard raised voices,

the loudness ,

the screams ,

the shouts of your demands

it was violent noise

I screwed my eyes so tight, as if the dark would plunge me into another land

But it didn’t , then came the slap,

I heard it ricochet off her skin

I knew I had to come from behind my parapet

Like David you were my Goliath

I stood before you my creator

I would  not allow my habour of love be destroyed by you

I did not need stones to break you

A look into  your eyes, into your soul is all it took

I witness the demons leave

With a fall to the knees you cried

Whilst my mother held you

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved.