May contain Rants

Mantra’s …

They make write notes on neatly
torn pieces of paper… Mantra’s
They make me read them over and over again because my mind needs to be fed
In order to sustain the  heightened  sense it seems to be in
Yet my consciousness is locked away in a little box they will not allow it be free
In angst I cry in frustration in being me
This is not the life I wish to lead
I cannot live without solid foundations
But the mantras tell everything will be ok
and who am I not to believe
In my state of heightened frustration
June Bolland Copyright 2015

May contain Rants · Uncategorized

LOVE IS SAT THERE ON THE SOFA…

THINGS I LEARNT ABOUT MY PARTNER

SINCE  NOW I HAVE BIPOLAR

THAT SHE LOVES ME ENOUGH

TO STAND BY ME NO MATTER WHAT

REGARDLESS OF HOW MANY TIMES

I PUSH AND PUSH AND PUSH HER AWAY

THAT SHE LOVES ME ENOUGH

THAT WE AGREE TO TALK

IN FRONT OF STRANGERS

IN THE QUIET ROOM

THE ROOM THAT CALMS US BOTH

THE ROOM THAT CLEARS OUR MINDS

TURN OUR FEELINGS INTO WORDS

BRIDGES THE VOID

WHERE THE THIRD WHEEL SITS

BECAUSE SHE LOVES ME ENOUGH

LOVE IS SAT THERE ON THE SOFA

HOLDING MY HAND

TURNING WORDS INTO FEELINGS

LETTING ME KNOW

WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS

BECAUSE SHE REALLY DOES LOVE ME ENOUGH

COPYRIGHT 2014 JUNE BOLLAND

May contain Rants · Uncategorized

Paranoid thoughts…

You are the silhouette in the corner of my room

You are the sorrow snake that that writhes

Around in the pit of my stomach

You are the ice creature with human eyes

That follow me everywhere

You are the presence in the room

I cannot see

I can only feel

You are every fear I hold within

You are the pain that wants

To turn myself inside out

You are my paranoia

My paranoid thoughts

Copyright 2014 June Bolland

May contain Rants · Uncategorized

CAPES DON’T MAKE YOU FLY…

THINGS I HAVE LEARN’T SINCE HAVING BIPOLAR
CAPES DON’T MAKE YOU FLY
EVEN THOSE ONES MADE FROM THE TABLE CLOTH
HANDED DOWN THE GENERATIONS
THEY LIED TO ME
THE VOICES IN HEAD
BECAUSE GRAVATION MAKES YOU GO SPLAT
AND YOU’LL END UP HAVING AN OPERATION
TO FIX YOUR BUSTED ANKLE
SO CAPES DON’T MAKE YOU FLY

OTHER THINGS I LEARNT TOO
IS IF YOU PEEL BACK YOUR SKIN
BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT
THE VOICES IN MY HEAD
TOLD ME TO DO
THE SKIN IS ICE BLUE
BÚT THEY LIED TO ME
MY SKIN IS PINK
MY VEIN ARE BLUE

SO NEVER TRUST THE VOICES INSIDE YOUR HEAD
AND IGNORE EVERYTHING THEY TELL YOU TO DO

COPYRIGHT 2014 JUNE BOLLAND

May contain Rants · Uncategorized

When the bough breaks…

When the bough breaks

His body will fall and

Lie there alone on the floor

No more pain and anguish

Will he feel

No more stigma will he face

For time will stand still for him for evermore
But for those left behind

Those that loved him

The pace of time will not changed

For tomorrow will still turn into today

And the memory of his lost will never go away

Copyright 2014 June Bolland

 

Written and posted for World Mental Health Day 10/10/2014 and for all those of us and our families that are  affect by mental health issues and in memory for  those who have lost their battle to Mental health and the families they have left behind.

May contain Rants · Uncategorized

Bubble wrap…

You’re constantly worrying

About my moods becoming low

You say you want to protect me

Like a fine china mug

If they do

And wrap me up

in a bubble wrap hug

 

You’re constantly watching me

Checking to see if I am

Acting  TOO well

Just in case  I’ve  been missing my meds

That if I become too high

I know you’ll be there to make THAT call

Like bubble wrap lying on the floor

I know you’ll be there to break my fall

Copyright 2014  June Bolland

May contain Rants · Uncategorized

Inner landscapes…

The inner landscape

 

Of me

 

Is damaged

 

Is broken

 

That one slip and I will fall

 

Between the cracks

 

Into the hell

 

That is my

 

Damage mind

 

But love will

 

Always be stronger

 

So with the strength

 

Of your arms

 

You pull me back through

 

Between the cracks

 

You hold on tight

 

Prevent me slipping into

 

The hell that is my

 

Damage mind

 

Because love is

 

Always stronger

 

Copyright 2014 June Bolland

May contain Rants

Yellow tailed

Sitting amongst the seaweed and the rocks

With my girl

Sea air tickles my nostrils and the sting hits me

Like a cold ice drink, it freezes my brain

But that’s good

My brain has been numb for weeks

My thoughts hiding in its cranial sac

Away from critical voices

But with medication now working

I can see people for what they are

Heads down they shuffle about

With their yellow tails tucked down low

beneath them

Scared the that ‘ stigma ‘ will touch them

You can see it in their eyes

no contact

they look away

Conversations stop

sometimes platitudes replace the words

They don’t want  to talk about it

IT’S TABOO!

BUT I DO!

I want shout out “I am as SANE as you, more so in fact!”

So thank God for my girl, my mother and the comfort of strangers

So to my ‘friends’ I have one simple message for you

God forbid the ‘black dog’ decides to take

A walk with you

Don’t come knocking at my door

I won’t be in

I’ll be sitting amongst the seaweed and the rocks

With my girl

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

My Wall's

grafo floresMy walls were covered in graffiti

I whitewash over them too many times

I tried to hide the stains hidden underneath

Words of hate

Words of sorrow

Words of a broken heart

They are the work of my demons

They are my collage of my life

But the sun and the rain

Wore away at the cover I hid them under

Until my mural of memories were clear to see

I was defeated and broken

I stopped the charade of trying to blank them out

I tried to live with these scenes so dark, so bleak

Until I retreated into a dark corner away from the view of my demons work

Then you arrived with paints of pastel shades

To erase these memories, with paintings of flowers

and vivid images of beauty

The words became replaced with

Love,

Hope,

and faith

All the things I now have with you

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

All rights reserved

May contain Rants

My Wall’s

grafo floresMy walls were covered in graffiti

I whitewash over them too many times

I tried to hide the stains hidden underneath

Words of hate

Words of sorrow

Words of a broken heart

They are the work of my demons

They are my collage of my life

But the sun and the rain

Wore away at the cover I hid them under

Until my mural of memories were clear to see

I was defeated and broken

I stopped the charade of trying to blank them out

I tried to live with these scenes so dark, so bleak

Until I retreated into a dark corner away from the view of my demons work

Then you arrived with paints of pastel shades

To erase these memories, with paintings of flowers

and vivid images of beauty

The words became replaced with

Love,

Hope,

and faith

All the things I now have with you

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

All rights reserved

May contain Rants

The March of the Demons

 

Sshh if your quiet you may hear them comingdepression

Out of the shadows they swarm

Scouting for their prey

The weak, the vulnerable all pummelled by doubt

Their whisper is sinister, they howl as they sing

Their march gathers momentum, gathers speed,

The ground shudders as they grow in numbers

The clouds darken ,

Quick hide your weak, your hopeless ,your lonely, and

Those who feel unworthy and unfilled

For it is the season for the demons to March

They attack at night when you are sleeping

They take no prisoners; they will feast on your thoughts,

They will your pillage your soul, they will leave nothing behind

For the demons are marching, you have been warned.

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved.

May contain Rants

Extracts from a conversation

Are you friend or foe?mirror2

She asks staring intently

Ah you see that all depends

On your point of view

The thing in foreground replied

I would like it if you were to be a friend

I don’t think I would like you to be my foe

She claims

Mmm I shall give your request much consideration but

There again how do you know that I’m not already your adversary

Maybe it  is I who should be accountable

For all your woes

exclaims the thing moving nearer

Maybe it is true

She confirms as she walks away leaving the thing behind in the mirror.

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved.