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Regret …

Would we ever have got past the ‘seven-year itch’?

Would our bed have become a bed of death?

I guess we’ll never know

Why did we give up on us too easily , me and you

Couldn’t we have fought harder to save our love?

I suppose life and distance always seemed to get in the way

Yet despite this no one could ever replace you

You are the frozen prayer, the miracle

I asked for

Back then

When my life was missing a piece

I now realise was you

I still speak of you in the present not the past

Because you’ve never really left have you?

You are my biggest regret for I should never have let you go

You are a constant presence that lurks beneath my skin

That stirs whenever I think of you

A temptation I must try to ignore

Mehefin Bolland © 2018

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Rain down on me…

Rain down on me

Baptise me

Allow this blackness to disperse and disappear

For I have grieved far too long for those living and dead

It is if I do not hear the music anymore

I hear a strange lamentation instead

For those that were taken from me too soon or

were lost in heights of love

Rain down on me

So I may open my eyes to see the colour of her hair

Set fire to the sun

Let her warm this dead heart of mine

And let me hear the music once more

Mehefin Bolland © 2018

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Legacy of words…

Quietly I sit looking for inspiration
As I try to unlock the words captive inside the cage in my mind
And all I am left with is the feeling of frustration
Of not being able
To set my thoughts free
To run across this empty page
That lies before me
There are so many things J
That I need to say
I sense you watching me from other side of the room
Briefly I break my concentration
and this comfortable silence that we sit to look at you
To ask if you’re ok
Yes you reply , but there is just one question you ask
Why do you need to write
Without hesitation
I reply for you!
To give you affirmation that my love for you is true
To show you the gratitude for you loving me and for allowing me to love you back too
And most important I continue to say my words  they are a gift from me to you, a legacy
If for whatever reason I’m no longer a part of your journey
I hope you can look back on my memory of words
And know
that I was very much in love with you

June Bolland © 2016

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3am Lyrics…

12 months on
Do I sarcastically raise a glass to the fact that I survived
Or do I wallow because secretly I’m broken
without you here beside my side
Truth is all I know is I regret that day
That I finally drove you away
I remember the tears we both cried
That day we realised no matter how hard we tried There was no more us
There was
Just a you
Just a me
I’ve tried to move on
I’ve tried to stop the emptiness
that occupies my mind
With  the company of friends
But they are no substitute for you
They don’t get me like you do
(like you did)
There is an emptiness that lies next to me in bed
And no more words of devotion come in my head
There’s a longing in me
That feeling of love still lingers there for you
Because no one touched me like you do
(Like you did )
Early hours come and go
But your arms no longer wrap around me and wake me from my slumber
So many nights I have resisted calling your number
So in the early hours of the morn when I have the urge to talk to you
I instead outpour my feelings onto the page
I write because I am confused
I write for you my muse
But if the words are not there I play ‘our ‘ song
In order to remember all the good times we had
Before everything went wrong
So if you read my words
Because I know you do
remember those ‘ 3am lyrics’
Hold nothing but the truth
They say everything I feel about you
12 months on

© June Bolland 2016

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Truce…

My heart is over ruling my head today with random thoughts of you
I try and convince myself it will pass
I realised I asked too much of you
pulling you in
pushing you away
promising you the world
A promise I could not deliver
my bipolar saw to that

I realise my heart , it’s rhythm is slower these days
because you are no longer here to make it beat fast
but as I said my heart is over ruling my head today
Its making me think of happier times
Things I thought I’d put to bed
Random thoughts that now make me search out the box in my bed side draw, the one that holds our rings
I take yours out and gently hold it like I’m holding you again

My heart is asking my mind questions it has no right to ask
It’s wondering if I called you would say “Hello”
I’d ask you if we could call a truce on the love and hate thing that we’ve had going on
cos I hear your on you’re own again
and I’m thinking that you could do with a shoulder right now
But maybe not , as I said I cannot give promises I cannot keep
But maybe all I really  want to say to you is I fucked up and well my heart still misses you, but as I said my heart is over ruling my head today

© June Bolland 2016

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Love divine…

You did not care about my monstrous shape
And the snarled expression etched upon my face
You did not recognise the hideous beast
That I thought was me
You gave me a place of tranquillity
A place where I could be at peace
Perched up there high
Upon your spire
And as the night drew in
You’d usher me down
From my solitude
To frolic between your transept’s
And dance up and down your aisle
amongst the crevices of your nave
Until I reached your chancel screen
Where beyond laid your inner chapel
Ordained with such beauty
Your Alter laid
And on bended knee
You offered me your holy sacrament
And as I did I tasted the sweetness of your wine
A crescendo of bells would begin to sing
And the moon lit up the transcendent windows to your soul

Copyright June Bolland 2015

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Absence…

How long has it been now ?
Since the great silence descended
How long has it been now ?
Since the nights became lonely and darker
How long has it been now ?
Since this void replaced you
The truth is I can’t ask you
as your absence is all too clear
So I shall have to answer my own questions
Not long enough do you hear
Does that surprise you my dear
What did you expect my world to come crashing down without you here to hold it up
See this is the madness of love
It can turn completely on its head
I once loved you so much
I’d have given you that world that I speak of
But now I can barely utter your name sometimes without having such feelings of contempt
It saddens me to think of you that way
But my absence has left you with a void you have quickly filled
It has allowed you to fill the silence with someone else’s laughter and make your nights no longer lonely or darker
Now I am not bitter at knowing this
You know me better than that
I just hope she makes you happier than
I did
Just promise me one thing though
If things do get difficult don’t run and hide , face up to them , challenge them
Do not give up like you did on us
Do not allow someone else to feel your absence .