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Open…

I want to delve inside your heart
To understand what makes it tick
I need to taste you
To know if you’re really bitter or sweet
I need to look through your eyes
To see the beauty that you see
To feel the vibrations of malleus, incus and stapes
So I can understand the sounds that make you dance
To crawl beneath your skin
In order for me to feel every emotion that you feel
I want to explore every inch of you, until I find your soul
And when I do
I will open up to you and tell you how I really feel
Because my gut is saying you feel like home
Mehefin Bolland © 2008

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Regret …

Would we ever have got past the ‘seven-year itch’?

Would our bed have become a bed of death?

I guess we’ll never know

Why did we give up on us too easily , me and you

Couldn’t we have fought harder to save our love?

I suppose life and distance always seemed to get in the way

Yet despite this no one could ever replace you

You are the frozen prayer, the miracle

I asked for

Back then

When my life was missing a piece

I now realise was you

I still speak of you in the present not the past

Because you’ve never really left have you?

You are my biggest regret for I should never have let you go

You are a constant presence that lurks beneath my skin

That stirs whenever I think of you

A temptation I must try to ignore

Mehefin Bolland © 2018

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Rain down on me…

Rain down on me

Baptise me

Allow this blackness to disperse and disappear

For I have grieved far too long for those living and dead

It is if I do not hear the music anymore

I hear a strange lamentation instead

For those that were taken from me too soon or

were lost in heights of love

Rain down on me

So I may open my eyes to see the colour of her hair

Set fire to the sun

Let her warm this dead heart of mine

And let me hear the music once more

Mehefin Bolland © 2018

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Linger…

If I was asked what is my favourite day would be
I have two I would reply
Saturday and Sunday
And it would be said without hesitation
For these are the days I like to wake before you
Just so I can watch you sleep a while
And wonder what you are dreaming
For there are all the days in between
when I have no time to linger
To take time to appreciate your beauty
So here I lie with my head on my pillow facing you
Trying not to move
As your arm is draped across my belly
I do not want to disturb you
So I lie perfectly still
Whilst I with photographic eye
I capture your image to hang in the darkroom of my mind
For those times when we are apart and you are working through the night
Sometimes you pretend to be sleep
Don’t think I don’t know
But the corners of your mouth begin to smile
Give the game away
Yet you allow me to take you all in
And when I am done
With your eyes still shut
You whisper in my ear
Morning
l says it back
And with eyes closed we lie face to face
Because on days like this we can linger
June Bolland © 2016

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Legacy of words…

Quietly I sit looking for inspiration
As I try to unlock the words captive inside the cage in my mind
And all I am left with is the feeling of frustration
Of not being able
To set my thoughts free
To run across this empty page
That lies before me
There are so many things J
That I need to say
I sense you watching me from other side of the room
Briefly I break my concentration
and this comfortable silence that we sit to look at you
To ask if you’re ok
Yes you reply , but there is just one question you ask
Why do you need to write
Without hesitation
I reply for you!
To give you affirmation that my love for you is true
To show you the gratitude for you loving me and for allowing me to love you back too
And most important I continue to say my words  they are a gift from me to you, a legacy
If for whatever reason I’m no longer a part of your journey
I hope you can look back on my memory of words
And know
that I was very much in love with you

June Bolland © 2016

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Cross outs

Its that time between dusk and dawn

The time for lovers

To rediscover one another

This is time I miss with you

When we had endless chats

Time when we laughed

as we tried not to wake the neighbours next door

(God I miss your laughter)

And when I was feeling blue

You’d get up and make me a brew

and climb back into bed and snuggle

me in close to you so I could breath you in

(God I miss your smell)

I sometimes used to count down the hours

just to be alone with you

But now things have changed

The bed feels very strange

without you lying here next to me

I can still picture you engrossed in a book

Whilst I waited patiently for you to put it down so we could fuck

(God I miss the taste of you, I miss the softness of your skin)

But now the time between dusk and dawn

Is spent thinking about you

Its a time when the tears that have gathered all through the day finally flow free

Its a time for me to write down over and over

To summarise how I feel about life, how I feel about you, about us

But so many times I cross out what I want to write and start again

I often wish life was just as simple

That we could cross out all the bad bits and start over again

Because I want if I’m being honest, is to cross out what went wrong

And for me to be lying next to you,

watching you whilst your engrossed in your book waiting patiently for you to put it down

Because its that time between dusk and dawn

The time for lovers

To rediscover one another once again

© J Bolland 2016

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3am Lyrics…

12 months on
Do I sarcastically raise a glass to the fact that I survived
Or do I wallow because secretly I’m broken
without you here beside my side
Truth is all I know is I regret that day
That I finally drove you away
I remember the tears we both cried
That day we realised no matter how hard we tried There was no more us
There was
Just a you
Just a me
I’ve tried to move on
I’ve tried to stop the emptiness
that occupies my mind
With  the company of friends
But they are no substitute for you
They don’t get me like you do
(like you did)
There is an emptiness that lies next to me in bed
And no more words of devotion come in my head
There’s a longing in me
That feeling of love still lingers there for you
Because no one touched me like you do
(Like you did )
Early hours come and go
But your arms no longer wrap around me and wake me from my slumber
So many nights I have resisted calling your number
So in the early hours of the morn when I have the urge to talk to you
I instead outpour my feelings onto the page
I write because I am confused
I write for you my muse
But if the words are not there I play ‘our ‘ song
In order to remember all the good times we had
Before everything went wrong
So if you read my words
Because I know you do
remember those ‘ 3am lyrics’
Hold nothing but the truth
They say everything I feel about you
12 months on

© June Bolland 2016

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Love divine…

You did not care about my monstrous shape
And the snarled expression etched upon my face
You did not recognise the hideous beast
That I thought was me
You gave me a place of tranquillity
A place where I could be at peace
Perched up there high
Upon your spire
And as the night drew in
You’d usher me down
From my solitude
To frolic between your transept’s
And dance up and down your aisle
amongst the crevices of your nave
Until I reached your chancel screen
Where beyond laid your inner chapel
Ordained with such beauty
Your Alter laid
And on bended knee
You offered me your holy sacrament
And as I did I tasted the sweetness of your wine
A crescendo of bells would begin to sing
And the moon lit up the transcendent windows to your soul

Copyright June Bolland 2015

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Absence…

How long has it been now ?
Since the great silence descended
How long has it been now ?
Since the nights became lonely and darker
How long has it been now ?
Since this void replaced you
The truth is I can’t ask you
as your absence is all too clear
So I shall have to answer my own questions
Not long enough do you hear
Does that surprise you my dear
What did you expect my world to come crashing down without you here to hold it up
See this is the madness of love
It can turn completely on its head
I once loved you so much
I’d have given you that world that I speak of
But now I can barely utter your name sometimes without having such feelings of contempt
It saddens me to think of you that way
But my absence has left you with a void you have quickly filled
It has allowed you to fill the silence with someone else’s laughter and make your nights no longer lonely or darker
Now I am not bitter at knowing this
You know me better than that
I just hope she makes you happier than
I did
Just promise me one thing though
If things do get difficult don’t run and hide , face up to them , challenge them
Do not give up like you did on us
Do not allow someone else to feel your absence .

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Ink…

My thoughts flow from the ink of my pen
Only for their pain they write  to be stemmed by the paper they are written on
I so want to write of love and happier times
and of  memories of  when my fingertips once explored all of you
But the ink that flows 
now only  stains  my fingertips with its ink so black
Its colour has invaded my heart, my soul
As I know there cannot be  anymore happy memories to write about
I have to instead write of closure  and leave behind heartfelt sentiments and  feelings I still  wish to  express
And so the words I now write are full of sadness and are numb
For knowing that no more words  will express my love for you and the memories we once shared when my fingertips once explored all of you
Copyright June Bolland 2015

May contain Rants

Blue eyes…

I’m readjusting to the silence
instead of conversing with you
I’m relying on one way conversations that now resonate in my brain
I’m recollecting the reasons why I fell in love with you
Maybe it had something to do with fact your eyes were an incredible blue
Maybe the colour attracted me
As I was familiar with the colour blue
The blue of my bipolar
But then I realised your eyes were not an ice cold blue
Like the thousand tears I cried before I met youu
There was a warmth to them
they reminded me of the colour of the ocean
they invited me in
That day I fell in love with you
but loving someone with bipolar is a difficult thing to do ,
But for you falling in love with me was never going to be easy
there were minutes, hours, days, weeks, and even months
when I inexcusable hurt you and just pushed you away
But there were so many beautiful times when I drew you close into me
These are the times I’ll shall recollect
For no one in my past or in my future will ever compare to you
For you will always be my special
one with your eyes so blue
Copyright June Bolland 2015

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When the whole world is as one…

A very short posting. Firstly it was wonderful monumental day on 26 June 2015 in the US  but since then It has become apparent that the new celebratepride app/ photo profile that  is trending on Facebook has gone viral. As a lesbian I would of thought I would  of joined in  this trend but I can’t because there are 79 countries left in the world where it is illegal to be a homosexual. How could I celebrate when many can’t.  It would  leave a very bitter taste in my mouth. So when homosexuality is no longer illegal in any country , when  it is no longer punishable by life in prison or death then I’ll celebrate from the rooftops

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The right decision?…

Clouds of doubt
Over shadow my mind
Of how I miss the little things we use to do
I miss keeping your hand warm in my pocket on cold winter days 
I miss waking to the now void that was once occupied by you
I miss driving you to work and waving you off
I miss our  morning chats before the sun was barely up in the sky
But most of all I miss  the softness of your skin
All the things we (I) took for granted
It hurts to think I’ll no longer share these things  with you
I sometimes wonder
Did we make the right decision
To allow this illness that renders
my mind Incapable of logical thought
and allows it to  continually push you away (now forever)
We should have fought harder you and I (for our love)
For we were (are) two people still very much  in love ( you and I cannot deny the facts)
But life has a habit of getting in the way
It saddens me we are so near ,just living  3 miles apart , but you feel so far away that I know we both feel  alone and lost

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She…

I was going to write a review of 2014 , but to be honest it’s a year I personally wish to forget.I had an occuring bipolar episode which has effected me most of the year. I nearly lost the love of my life because I pushed her away,  she left me for abit, but thankfully returned.Since then she has been at my side every step of the way.

I’ve never met a person with so much love and compassion. Dedicates most her time to helping and caring for me and her loved ones with no hesitation and never asks for anything return.

So I’m taking her away on a lovers holiday in the New Year to say thank you and to show her that no amount of words or poetry can really express the love I feel for her, sometimes showing her is far more important, anyway we’re going to spend some much dedicated time to all the things she loves to do and had missed out on for so long (one being Beach walking).

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Scars and broken vases…

How would I feel?

How would I react?

To  possibility  that

I could meet you again

The thought of it chills me to my core

Not that I should be scared

Of upsetting you anymore

Or upset at

Remembering the things

You did

Bites, kicks, closed fist and of how I hid

I have a montage of scars concealed

And broken vases fixed

I probably try to evade you

But If I were to meet you again

I’d probably pity you

Copyright 2014 June Bolland

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In your entirety…

Ours lips lock

Swirling of tongues

As I taste your kisses

I feel the softness of you

Lying there under me

In slow motion I caress

Your breasts

Everyone of my kisses are waiting

To explore you in your entirety

And as I journey  further down slow

I rest between your thighs

I hear your mellow sighs

As I enter you

And ecstasy awaits you

Copyright 2014 June Bolland

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MONDAY’S OFF…

LET’S GO WALKING IN THE PARK

AND DANCE AMONGST

THE AUTUMN LEAVES

LET’S GO BEACHWALKING

AND SIT A WHILE

AS THE SEA WASHES THE PEBBLES

AND MAKES THEM SHINY AND NEW

LET’S GO DRIVING AND LOUDLY SING SONGS

AND FORGET THE WORDS HALF WAY THROUGH

AND BELLY LAUGH WHEN WE DO

LETS STAY AT HOME AND MAKE THE MOST OF THE

TIME WE HAVE ALONE

I DON’T CARE

WHATEVER WE DO

AS LONG AS I SPEND IT WITH YOU

COPYRIGHT 2014 JUNE BOLLAND

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Girls with no names…

I was never the settling down type

I didn’t buy the whole relationship thing

I didn’t believe in all the hype

I played the field

I kissed so many girls with no names

Broke so many hearts

to my shame

But non were ever good enough to last

And so quickly I moved on

Until there was you

 

Now I see myself growing old with you

As for the whole relationship thing

I’d say our matching rings say everything

Never again with there be anymore with no name

That was in the past

For your name is tattoo on my heart

I promise never to break your heart

Because I love only you

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Words are everywhere…

I carry words around with me in my head

And in the back pockets of my jeans

Words I’ve written of when I think about you

I have words on bits of paper hiding

in journals on the table at the side of our bed

I find words in the pockets of my jackets

In book I’m reading

And in books I have read

Words I’ve written whilst I’m at work

When I’m  day dreaming of you 

Random words that lie dormant

in the draws of my desk

Words full of such emotion

And expressions of deep rooted feeling’s

But there’s only one word

The truest word

That says what I will always feel about you

This word I carry in my heart

The word is LOVE

Copyright 2014 June Bolland

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Desires of wanting you …

Let’s touch base

Let’s discuss things face to face

Let me outline the facts

And tell you where my head is at

Babe I cannot lie

I cannot resist you for

very much longer

The urge to kiss you

is getting stronger

I miss your touch

I miss the softness of your skin

I miss your sweet sighs so much

But I know

We agreed to take things slow

But the desires of wanting you lying

next to me in our bed

Invade the thoughts in my head

But please don’t think

I want to rush you

It’s just every day

you’re not here

I miss you more

It’s because it’s you I adore

So please consider

what I have said

Copyright 2014 June Bolland

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Attraction …

I was never attracted to blondes until met her

to me they always seem to be blue eyed and too pale

They were just not what I looked for in a female

You see I had a type

All my other girlfriends  

were dark skinned coffee coloured eyed dykes

So what changed?

How do I begin to explain how the attraction

began to occur

To be honest it all a blur

It was 7 years ago

When she  literally turn up at my door

But one thing for sure

She’s caring and kind and her heart s so pure

And when she opens her mouth and speaks

Her accent makes me melt and go weak

I could listen to her all day

And yet despite her caring side

she feisty and wild

She made me see life from a different angel

she’s turned my world on its head

And it’s not just the passion she brought to our bed

It’s beyond that 

It’s the fact

 She believes in me

She see’s things in me other people don’t see

 So forget all the women I’ve loved in past

With their coffee eyes, black hair  

and dark skin I loved them individually

For reasons and for seasons

But they were never meant to last

Because with her you see

No one can hold a candle

 For I will love her for a thousand life times

Because being with her was met to be 

Copyright 2014 June Bolland

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Love letter…

I’m trying to write a love letter

If I’m being honest

I started off quite well

I’ve managed to write down her name

“Dear J”

But then the nib of my pen

became frozen to the page

And so did the thoughts in my brain

I’m trying to express the way I feel

But my head is full of facts it doesn’t

Know where it’s at

So many questions and answers

Of my desires of wanting her

And how I’ve missed her touch

And how I long for her kisses

Of how I  love her

so very  much

But do I dare

after asking her to take things slow

Maybe that’s the reason I haven’t got

Any further than “Dear Jo “

My head screams

So I try to relax, refrain

Start again

But the nib of my pen is still

frozen to the page

The words just won’t come

They cannot be written

Maybe it’s time for this bullet to bitten

Maybe I should just ring her instead

COPYRIGHT 2014 June Bolland

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Unfinished conversation from yesterday…

You asked me yesterday

if I believed in hope

in others words  for you and I

I couldn’t reply

I told you I needed space to think

So here lies the truth

This what I think

I wasn’t looking for serious

I wasn’t looking for commitment

I had a heart full of brokenness

A soul full of guilt

But you were the Celt gypsy who arrived

to steal my heart and

claim my soul to dance with it

in the rain

Without you I do not live

I merely exist

Without you I do not feel the

breath of air as it enters my lungs

You are every thought that enters

my mind

You are the skin on my bones

For you are integral to my being

You will always be part of me

That’s why I cannot ever stop

being in love with you

So yes I do believe in hope.

Copyright June Bolland 2014

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I know this now…

There was a time I doubted her

I thought the years between us were too much

I doubted whether she’d understand

The complexities of my mind

So many thoughts of doubt I had

So I put obstacles

Of my baggage in her way

Pushed her away again and again and again

And hid behind my walls

But she never gave up

Because she loves me

I know I this now

She tells me age is just a number

That we meet somewhere in the middle

I know this now

For behind the Chanel and her jimmy Choo’s

Is the spirit of an old soul

Where as I am young at heart

She tells me she understands the definition of complexity

She’s tells me how she gorged on it and spewed it out

I know this now

She tells me she’s here to help carried the load I once called baggage

That  I no longer need to struggle with it alone

I know this now

She tells me I do not need to hide behind vast walls

For her arms are the only protection that I need

and so she pulls me in towards her  again and again and again

I know this now

And when on bended knee

I placed that ring on her finger

All the thoughts of doubt

I once had

All those foolish thoughts

Vanished in the breeze

Because she really does love me

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

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Conversations before bedtime…

pat stars

Our room illuminates light

Patterns from the lampshades

Shadows of stars project on the ceiling

With a backdrop from our window we see the cold dark night

Yet warmth radiates from beneath our covers

Desires lost to my mind, I had forgotten the feeling

The desires that only belongs to you I begin to rediscover

A conversation before bedtime

Of wanting, of love, of passion, are now translated

Through touch as fingertips begin to trace

Sublime

Of skin touching skin

Pupils dilated, entwined bodies lay naked

Heartbeats race

Rhythm to a dance only we two share begins

As shadows of our  love projects onto the ceiling

And there we dance amongst the shadowy stars

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

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All of you! …

At-the-River-212x300Saturday afternoon

With nothing much to do

Your  catching up with your work

Typing reports

And

I’m staring out of  the window

Thinking like I usually do

Tracing the raindrops

As they dance down the window pane

I glance at you

Concentration on your face

It got me thinking

What was it I first noticed about you?

Was it your eyes?

Hypnotic blue that cast a spell over me

Was it your long locks of golden blonde?

That radiated me towards you

Was it your mouth full and inviting?

Your lips have always been enticing

Or was it something much deeper

I first notice about you

Could it have been

The gentleness of your soul?

That attracted me like a moth

To the warmth , its brightness

I cannot really be sure

But whatever it was

That first time we met

I know one thing now

I love all of you!

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

Let our minds run away…

stars

Let our minds run away

To a secluded place

Only you and I know

Where the ocean spray

Sweeps across our skin

Where our thoughts feel free

Let our minds

Dive into the waters

Caressed

Are our thoughts

As the ebb and flow

Carries them towards

The rivers of sin

Where they’d swim

Let our thoughts  

Later rest on the river bank

Let them lie

Side by side

Let them count stars

And acknowledge the fates

For merging our thoughts

Together as one

And in the morning

Feel the exultation

With the exchange of our kisses

Knowing that it wasn’t just our thoughts

That swam in the rivers of sin

Last night

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

Between the light and the shadow…

GOLDEN

Deep into the forest of despair

I once travelled

Down  the  many paths of loneliness

I walked

Weighed down by the heaviness

Of my shattered heart

I struggled

Longing for a chance to lay

My broken spirit

                                   Then by chance

I came across a valley

And

In the distance

I  saw a  golden sky

Its  warmth

guided me

To a river so clear

 Then I  saw you

Stood there by the river bank

Arms stretched out

You called me over

You held my broken body

To your breast

You fixed my broken heart

You washed away the ingrained pain

You quenched my thirst with your kisses

You fed me a diet of love

And when  my strength was returned

You helped me to my feet

You  made a promise to me then

To keep me from returning

Back to the forest of despair

To be caught

Between the light and the shadow

Five years you’ve kept your promise

No longer do I walk alone

But side by side with you

We  now continued to walk

Towards the warmth of the  golden sky

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

Reason to be…

driftwood

I am driftwood

Floating

On her

My ocean

She calms me

Between the ebb and flow

Submerged

I am anointed

By her love

I am an acorn

That falls to the ground

From her

My oak tree

Protected by her roots

I am grounded

She nurtures me

I am the child

On sunny days

Warmed by the touch

Of her

My Sun

She lifts my mood

She makes me want to dance
Barefoot and carefree

I am what I ever I want

To be

As she is my reason to be

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

My Muse

writing+poetryAttempt to understand  the truth  of all those words I have said in the cold light of the day

and for all the promises that  I have whispered , on  those dark moon filled nights

I have shared with you

They speak nothing but love for you

And for all the times I have layed bare my soul upon the page

see that every word, every sentence

They are nothing more than the lyrics of the songs from my heart

That sings only to you

My words are only for you

You are my listener, my reader and  my muse

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

Winter Night slumber

winter slumber

The bleakness that coats the cold winter days

Is all too soon eclipsed by the blackness of even colder nights

Winter storms ravage the nature of the land

As rain pounds against the glass

I lie on top of you

Rested is my weary head, as it settles upon your breast

I listen to beats of your now calmed heart

As they send me to my slumber

Safe, nestled, cradled within the softness of your arms

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

Face to Face

the night is ours aloneFace to face

That first time

Hands barely touching

Fingers tips tingled at

Your slightest movement

Then THAT embrace

Eyes so blue

I found myself

Consciously fixed by your gaze

Not wanting to look away

Unlike I normal do

I don’t do the eye connect thing

But you

The first time I looked into your eyes

You transposed me into the deepest part of your soul

Into a vision of such beauty

A beauty I will never witness again

Or would want to.

Then there were you lips

The fullness of your pout

Exciting

Enticing

Then there was THAT kiss

That was five years ago

And now your touch still makes my fingertips tingle

And your kisses still entice me

But

Still  I don’t do the eye contact thing

With anyone but you.

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

From Morning until dusk

mornThe morning is for us

From that first kiss that awakes

Me from my dreams about you

To smiling at you as lying next to me

The mid-morning and afternoons are full of thoughts of you

Mid-morning smoke breaks and texts from you

To counting down the hours til you get home

Lunchtime chats that end with I love you

The evening is always spent will you?

Catching up on the day’s events we’ve both been through

Listening to music, watching TV, me writing poetry and you bringing me tea

Evening full of laughter, and chatter

The dusk is for us

Filled with passion and the exquisite touch of you

Alone time, our time

And kisses we share to send us to our slumber

And as we lie face to face we both say goodnight

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

My Angel needs love

Sometimes my angel needs to rest her wings     angel wings on chair

It’s can be tiring taking

Care of everyone else but herself

Sometimes she just needs the security within my arms

To feel the love surround her, shield her

On those days that are bad

When she is reminded of past memories

That suddenly just appear

To understand and have no fear

That I am always here

To bestow a thousand kisses

To know that I will be there to rock her to sleep

And dry her tears as she weeps

and neatly put away her wings

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

Always,Then and Now

MEETING

Always

She’s beautiful, and yet she’s sees beauty in me I never even knew existed

She saw a future for the two of us, long before I could see

She gave me space and time

She remain strong, steadfast

She didn’t give up

She offered me truth, love and trust

Then

I learned to see myself through her eyes

I opened my mind to the possibilities of a future I could at last see, could at last feel

I needed the confinements of her arms

I stopped running, turned round to where she stood and saw beneath her beauty

I knew then what she offered me was real

I realised only she could show me the meaning of what truth, love and trust was

Now

We both see the beauty in everything we have

We now wear rings that plan for a commitment in the future

We both share a space in each other hearts, place that no one else can own

We both walk down the same road side by side

We both know that we offer each other a lifetime of truth, love and trust

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

On nights like this…

in bed

On nights

When neither of us is ready to sleep

We’ll lie face to face

And lose ourselves in conversation

Our fingertips

Will gentle dance over each other’s skin

And as we’d touched

We’d leave finger prints of passion

And the intensity would resonate

Throughout our frames until we would become

Entwined with an invisible thread of love

We would become one

And as we’d inhale each other’s breath

With the kisses we’d share

The night would disappear in time

And the dawn would break

And we would then  realise we never did sleep

Tonight has a feeling

That it is one of those nights

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

That Autumn evening

dress floWe met in the spring. You always can recall of how it was an instant connection, the thing we now know to be love. By late summer we had fallen in love. Sharing passionate kisses and lingering embraces. But never taking it further. We had to be sure that this was really something we wanted to pursue. You were 21 and I was 42, but yet the years in between melted away. You had never experienced real love, these feelings were so new to you and I was well still healing from her and then came that evening in early autumn…

Do remember I came round to see you

I think we were both aware what was about to take place that evening

It had been building for weeks, but now with minds free, mind set

We were ready to take to another level

I remember how beautiful you looked in that floral dress

And how nervous you were

You were trembling like the leaves blowing in the autumn winds

On the trees outside your window

I remember how inviting your lips were as you nervously spoke

I remember I pressed my finger to your lips and told you shh

And then I kissed you and you kissed me back

And how I began to unbutton your dress

And how you undid my belt

I remember taking off that floral dress

It was like the unveiling of statue of a Goddess

You were beautiful

My Venus

Then both together there alone equal in our nakedness

We laid together

God we were so nervous

And then it began with the sharing of kisses

And touching of faces, mouth, neck and breasts

We became relaxed

Emotions let free

Months of anticipation gone

That first connection

Was one of peaceful intimacy

Slowly, we explored each other

Pleasure should never be rushed

And slowly the intensity began to build

Until the moment of pure euphoria

Erupted between our thighs

Remember how we laid there after

Just staring into each other eyes

With still lingering fingers you traced my face

As I did yours

I remember when the evening was over

I  watched you putting back on your floral dress

Knowing that life would never be quite the same

For you and I

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

Sex appeal!

your interesting and different.I remember our first date

Walking home with you

And your fingers found the spaces between mine

They locked, shut tight

As if you had caught me and

I knew there and then it was for keeps.

We stopped and lingered at your door

You said you wanted me, right there and then

I told you don’t! I didn’t put it out on first dates

I told you I wanted to get to know you just a little bit more

In fact it was 6 months and 3 days until I finally lay with you!

You told me I oozed sex appeal

I laughed nervously, a knee jerk reaction

No one had ever said that to me before

Say it again I asked you, so to make sure I wasn’t thinking it out loud

Because that how I felt about you too

But it was true you had said it and I replied but why what is that you see

That evades my vision.

I think went onto protest a little too much,

I am straight up and down, but you have the most wonderful breasts I exclaimed

(I had notice them once or twice during our night).

I have a crooked nose I inherited off my grandfather

How can you possibly say I ooze sex appeal?

When you stand there looking like a Goddess

You are beautiful!

Whilst I stand here like some prepubescent teenage boy

(with an image of your breast ingrained in my brain)

You ooze confidence you said

It leaves a trail of scent like perfume

You wear your sexuality like a coat; fasten with the buttons of experience

Your quirky, different, I love the way your mind thinks and how you speak

How you held your coffee cup tonight, need I go on? you said

You asked if would I kiss you or is that not permitted on first dates too

I didn’t need asking twice

And five years on, engaged here we are still very much in love

Infact the love has grown stronger over the years

And you still say I ooze sex appeal

You still love /want my straight up and down

You still enwrap in yourself in me

You still kiss my crooked nose when you awake in the mornings

and when you go to sleep at night

And me well I love every inch of you from your brain down to your toes

But secretly I will always worship your breasts

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

May contain Rants

A moment in the moonlight

As the sun setsmoonlight

You take my hand

As we go beach walking on the sand

On a familiar path

To our Bay

There’s a garland of stars out tonight

As the moon reflects on the water

Like a mirror ball it illuminates the sea

We rest a while

And

With our hands now in my pockets

Your  fingers become entwined

With mine

We keep each other warm

And only the sound the sea makes surrounds us

You’re quiet

You’re thinking

Happy thoughts

I think?

With your head now perched on my shoulder

You kiss my cheek and say “ Thank you”

I reply what for “ For today? ”

“No for everything” you say

“For being you”

“For being there”

“For making me laugh”

“For your constant words of love”

“For your openness and honesty”

“For your patience”

List goes on

I turn to you

I tell you “I would have none of those things if it wasn’t for you”

Still we stand with hands remaining in my pockets

You kiss me again this time harder and as you do

Your tongue caress mine

As the sea caress the shore

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

May contain Rants

A simple poem for a beautiful life

Watching you wakebeing loved

Sharing long kisses

And sweet embraces

Hours of wonderful conversations

Comfortable silences

Smiling

Laughter

Enjoying everything from

Mundane chores

To strolls in the park

Beach walking

As we walk hand in hand

Surprise photo text messages whilst I’m at work

With the words “I love you”

Sitting at cafe’s

People watching

Just knowing what you’re thinking

Snuggled on the sofa watching TV in the evening

Dancing at 3 in the morning

Listening to you as you read out loud

Bath times

Bedtimes

Holding you so tight next to me in the middle of the night

Making love with you

Being present as you fall asleep

A simple life

A beautiful life

Is what we have

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

May contain Rants

Without you

withThere were words I could not write (without you)

But now my words flow freely (because I found you)

I had a language I could not speak (until you were here to listen)

Now I have found my voice (I serenade you with the songs of love)

I had so many memories I could not have shared (if you were not here to dry my tears)

But with you I have memories I will cherish (until my time on this earths is done)

There would be too many demons for me to slay (if I didn’t have you by my side)

You are my angel (in the solace of you I feel safe)

So many years of wasted love (if I didn’t have you to share it with)

A love I didn’t feel I deserved (until you bestowed your love on to me)

I spent years running away always running (from her)

Now I find myself running towards you always (into your sweet embrace)

Time I have wasted collecting the bricks to build my walls higher (to keep my heart safe)

Until  you came along, to breakdown my walls ( because you cared enough make them fall)

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

May contain Rants

Words that needed to be written

vivThere are words that needed to be written

Words that will help me in my recovery

Because you have occupied a corner of mind for too long

Words I’ve started to write

Words I thrown away because of the shame

I think of all years I spent hiding me

And protecting you

But not now

So I sit with a blank page ready to write

With the years of hidden anger and rage

My woman has been the  only one

until  now who knew of this secret

That I carry  locked away in my head

She also seen the scars, V

You know the one’s you made on my back!

I think back to younger years when I first fell in love with you

And we were in love once

Many years ago

But you showed you were the jealous kind

You never trusted me

And yet looking back

It’s me who shouldn’t have trusted you

How many times was it V?

And so the cycle of mind game commenced

You broke my independence

My will, my spirit

For what V being nice and talking to other women V?

Then you became bored with the games

Your anger would get out of control

The odd slap once or twice

The bites, the punches

The bruising ,V

So much hidden hurt

You forced on me

Is it bringing back to you?

Well It’s never left me V

And the saddest thing is I would have given you

Everything

But it was never enough

And so many many times I ran from you

For only you to sweet talk me back

You promised me you’d change

But you stayed the same

And I carried on being the fool

And all the time it was like my life’s history repeating itself

There are so many things I could say but I can’t repeat

So many things that you did V

But now I want my conscience cleared of you

I want my mind set free

It took me 3 years to heal the scars

3 years without the touch of another

Because you’d knocked the trust out of me

But I was lucky because I found someone who is the total

Opposite to you

She knows the true meaning of love

She holds me with a gentle touch

That you wouldn’t understand

Her kisses have healed your scars

Her hands clasp round my waist with warmth

All your hands ever did was clasp me round my throat

So these words needed to be written

Because many years ago I told you there was no longer place for you in my bed

So now I’m  telling you because I’m stronger than when you left

That there’s no longer a place for you in my head

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

May contain Rants

The degrees of passion

lesbian passion

Initiation

It’s late and the world has closed its eyes             

But we’re wide awake

Knowing that sleep is far from our minds

I sit watching you

As you undress beside me

You’re holding your hair

With your back towards me

You say “unclasp me”

Your lingerie now tossed to the  floor

 

Invitation

The nakedness of your skin

Its softness

Its smoothness

and it’s aroma  

Is too hard to resist

I need no invitation

and so I begin bestowing intimate kisses

Exploration

You turn to face me

Your body straddled over mine

There is a longing in those

Blue eyes of yours

We linger

Gaze fixed

Lips locked

And then the  tease of your tongue

Is an open invitation to explore deep 

into hidden depths

Consummation

And the ritual begins

The weight of your body  

Of skin upon skin

We move in synchronised movement

Then that intimate touch

 As  fingers and hands wander

A slow gentle exploration of bodies  

And we tremble with what is to come

A hunger that needs to be fed   

Pulses throb

Heartbeats race as  

The warmth of our closeness

Pupils Dilated

The teasing of tongues

flicker  

between thighs

Our souls are awoken

Reunited once again

And our bodies explode

With the passion we have created 

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

May contain Rants

For J…

open heartShe who captured my heart

This woman who alone invades every corner of my being

She is my soul mate, my lover, my confidant, my muse

She is my guardian angel

Her love is constant and unbreakable

Her touch is calmness in itself

Her kisses are bound in truth

She possess a strength of heart and soul  so pure

Her wisdom is older than her years

She alone will save me from the dark abyss

I know because she saved me once before

I was lost and distant from this world

Isolated within my  empty shell

But she saw something in me that first time we met

Something in me, she’s says she will never forget

Something she nurtured, cared for , brought back to life

She said it was love.

She was right  and my love burst right out of my chest

I began bestowing  it on her, on life and on myself

The day I realised what she meant

So when there are no more shadows to hide behind

And I  am looking down that dark chasm

These are reasons I  know she’ll be there to save me once again

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

Skin touching Skin

 

 


lesbian ml

 

Our gaze locked

The anticipation of skin touching skin 

My fingertips begin to trace your mouth

Then the  moment that starts from a kiss

The slow exploration of the softness of your lips

I feel the touch of your breath as I inhale you

The intensity builds as your tongues entwines with mine

Positions now altered  

I feel the warmth of your closeness as

you take my weight

my motion is slow

never rushed

my fingers , palm of my hands slowly begin to linger

and with every touch

I replace it with a kiss

you take my hand

With fingers entwined you guide me slowly down

slowly my fingers enter into hidden depths

soft, wet

It’s an open invitation to explore

You buck

Again with every touch I replace it with a kiss

But harder this time

You buck again

An orgasmic wave sends

Vibrations throughout your frame

 And I can feel the intensity tremble under me

It strikes you to your very core

Over, and over this occurs

Both satisfying each other’s hunger

Until both our cravings have been met

It ends as it began with a kiss

One last slow exploration of the softness of your lips

And bodies still wet

We lie en wrapped in other’s skin

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

Stampede of words

panic attack 3There’s a stampede going on in my brain

Of words trying to get out, trying to get in

I feel them physically stacking up on each other

And my head is heavy from the weight

I think silence, isolation maybe sleep is needed 

For these words to be assembled into order

That makes some sense

I want to put the close sign up

But its hiding somewhere in my temporal lobe

Trapped between the words pain, anger, demon, depression

My power of speech is rendered impotent

And so the panic sets in

The parietal lobe is under siege

I so want to write HELP ME! MAKE IT GO AWAY!

The brain will not transpose the words through my fingers

So overloaded is my brain ,the words escape through my eyes

You sense this; you’ve seen the panic,

The fear in my eyes

The tears in my eyes

so many times

You hold me and calm me and

My frontal lobe begins to put things in order

And I feel the words just slip away

But one word remains, your name

Prominent,

A name that evokes so many memories of words like

Beauty, perfection, laughter, love, kisses, sex, lust, passion,

Kindness, caring, positivity,  but for a few

but for me one word stands out from the rest

whenever I think of you

that word will always, always be LOVE.

(I love you my Ms Joanna P x)

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland