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Linger…

If I was asked what is my favourite day would be
I have two I would reply
Saturday and Sunday
And it would be said without hesitation
For these are the days I like to wake before you
Just so I can watch you sleep a while
And wonder what you are dreaming
For there are all the days in between
when I have no time to linger
To take time to appreciate your beauty
So here I lie with my head on my pillow facing you
Trying not to move
As your arm is draped across my belly
I do not want to disturb you
So I lie perfectly still
Whilst I with photographic eye
I capture your image to hang in the darkroom of my mind
For those times when we are apart and you are working through the night
Sometimes you pretend to be sleep
Don’t think I don’t know
But the corners of your mouth begin to smile
Give the game away
Yet you allow me to take you all in
And when I am done
With your eyes still shut
You whisper in my ear
Morning
l says it back
And with eyes closed we lie face to face
Because on days like this we can linger
June Bolland © 2016

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Legacy of words…

Quietly I sit looking for inspiration
As I try to unlock the words captive inside the cage in my mind
And all I am left with is the feeling of frustration
Of not being able
To set my thoughts free
To run across this empty page
That lies before me
There are so many things J
That I need to say
I sense you watching me from other side of the room
Briefly I break my concentration
and this comfortable silence that we sit to look at you
To ask if you’re ok
Yes you reply , but there is just one question you ask
Why do you need to write
Without hesitation
I reply for you!
To give you affirmation that my love for you is true
To show you the gratitude for you loving me and for allowing me to love you back too
And most important I continue to say my words  they are a gift from me to you, a legacy
If for whatever reason I’m no longer a part of your journey
I hope you can look back on my memory of words
And know
that I was very much in love with you

June Bolland © 2016

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Cross outs

Its that time between dusk and dawn

The time for lovers

To rediscover one another

This is time I miss with you

When we had endless chats

Time when we laughed

as we tried not to wake the neighbours next door

(God I miss your laughter)

And when I was feeling blue

You’d get up and make me a brew

and climb back into bed and snuggle

me in close to you so I could breath you in

(God I miss your smell)

I sometimes used to count down the hours

just to be alone with you

But now things have changed

The bed feels very strange

without you lying here next to me

I can still picture you engrossed in a book

Whilst I waited patiently for you to put it down so we could fuck

(God I miss the taste of you, I miss the softness of your skin)

But now the time between dusk and dawn

Is spent thinking about you

Its a time when the tears that have gathered all through the day finally flow free

Its a time for me to write down over and over

To summarise how I feel about life, how I feel about you, about us

But so many times I cross out what I want to write and start again

I often wish life was just as simple

That we could cross out all the bad bits and start over again

Because I want if I’m being honest, is to cross out what went wrong

And for me to be lying next to you,

watching you whilst your engrossed in your book waiting patiently for you to put it down

Because its that time between dusk and dawn

The time for lovers

To rediscover one another once again

© J Bolland 2016

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Truce…

My heart is over ruling my head today with random thoughts of you
I try and convince myself it will pass
I realised I asked too much of you
pulling you in
pushing you away
promising you the world
A promise I could not deliver
my bipolar saw to that

I realise my heart , it’s rhythm is slower these days
because you are no longer here to make it beat fast
but as I said my heart is over ruling my head today
Its making me think of happier times
Things I thought I’d put to bed
Random thoughts that now make me search out the box in my bed side draw, the one that holds our rings
I take yours out and gently hold it like I’m holding you again

My heart is asking my mind questions it has no right to ask
It’s wondering if I called you would say “Hello”
I’d ask you if we could call a truce on the love and hate thing that we’ve had going on
cos I hear your on you’re own again
and I’m thinking that you could do with a shoulder right now
But maybe not , as I said I cannot give promises I cannot keep
But maybe all I really  want to say to you is I fucked up and well my heart still misses you, but as I said my heart is over ruling my head today

© June Bolland 2016

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Girls with no names…

I was never the settling down type

I didn’t buy the whole relationship thing

I didn’t believe in all the hype

I played the field

I kissed so many girls with no names

Broke so many hearts

to my shame

But non were ever good enough to last

And so quickly I moved on

Until there was you

 

Now I see myself growing old with you

As for the whole relationship thing

I’d say our matching rings say everything

Never again with there be anymore with no name

That was in the past

For your name is tattoo on my heart

I promise never to break your heart

Because I love only you