If I was asked what is my favourite day would be
I have two I would reply
Saturday and Sunday
And it would be said without hesitation
For these are the days I like to wake before you
Just so I can watch you sleep a while
And wonder what you are dreaming
For there are all the days in between
when I have no time to linger
To take time to appreciate your beauty
So here I lie with my head on my pillow facing you
Trying not to move
As your arm is draped across my belly
I do not want to disturb you
So I lie perfectly still
Whilst I with photographic eye
I capture your image to hang in the darkroom of my mind
For those times when we are apart and you are working through the night
Sometimes you pretend to be sleep
Don’t think I don’t know
But the corners of your mouth begin to smile
Give the game away
Yet you allow me to take you all in
And when I am done
With your eyes still shut
You whisper in my ear
Morning
l says it back
And with eyes closed we lie face to face
Because on days like this we can linger
June Bolland © 2016
Tag: girlfriend
Legacy of words…
Quietly I sit looking for inspiration
As I try to unlock the words captive inside the cage in my mind
And all I am left with is the feeling of frustration
Of not being able
To set my thoughts free
To run across this empty page
That lies before me
There are so many things J
That I need to say
I sense you watching me from other side of the room
Briefly I break my concentration
and this comfortable silence that we sit to look at you
To ask if you’re ok
Yes you reply , but there is just one question you ask
Why do you need to write
Without hesitation
I reply for you!
To give you affirmation that my love for you is true
To show you the gratitude for you loving me and for allowing me to love you back too
And most important I continue to say my words they are a gift from me to you, a legacy
If for whatever reason I’m no longer a part of your journey
I hope you can look back on my memory of words
And know
that I was very much in love with you
June Bolland © 2016
Cross outs
Its that time between dusk and dawn
The time for lovers
To rediscover one another
This is time I miss with you
When we had endless chats
Time when we laughed
as we tried not to wake the neighbours next door
(God I miss your laughter)
And when I was feeling blue
You’d get up and make me a brew
and climb back into bed and snuggle
me in close to you so I could breath you in
(God I miss your smell)
I sometimes used to count down the hours
just to be alone with you
But now things have changed
The bed feels very strange
without you lying here next to me
I can still picture you engrossed in a book
Whilst I waited patiently for you to put it down so we could fuck
(God I miss the taste of you, I miss the softness of your skin)
But now the time between dusk and dawn
Is spent thinking about you
Its a time when the tears that have gathered all through the day finally flow free
Its a time for me to write down over and over
To summarise how I feel about life, how I feel about you, about us
But so many times I cross out what I want to write and start again
I often wish life was just as simple
That we could cross out all the bad bits and start over again
Because I want if I’m being honest, is to cross out what went wrong
And for me to be lying next to you,
watching you whilst your engrossed in your book waiting patiently for you to put it down
Because its that time between dusk and dawn
The time for lovers
To rediscover one another once again
© J Bolland 2016
Truce…
My heart is over ruling my head today with random thoughts of you
I try and convince myself it will pass
I realised I asked too much of you
pulling you in
pushing you away
promising you the world
A promise I could not deliver
my bipolar saw to that
I realise my heart , it’s rhythm is slower these days
because you are no longer here to make it beat fast
but as I said my heart is over ruling my head today
Its making me think of happier times
Things I thought I’d put to bed
Random thoughts that now make me search out the box in my bed side draw, the one that holds our rings
I take yours out and gently hold it like I’m holding you again
My heart is asking my mind questions it has no right to ask
It’s wondering if I called you would say “Hello”
I’d ask you if we could call a truce on the love and hate thing that we’ve had going on
cos I hear your on you’re own again
and I’m thinking that you could do with a shoulder right now
But maybe not , as I said I cannot give promises I cannot keep
But maybe all I really want to say to you is I fucked up and well my heart still misses you, but as I said my heart is over ruling my head today
© June Bolland 2016
Horizontal Love…
Hands locked
Fingertips touch
Eyes stare gaze fixed
Parched lips kissed
Redundant hand I caress you
Wanting tongue I explore you
In horizontal love
Copyright 2014 June Bolland
Girls with no names…
I was never the settling down type
I didn’t buy the whole relationship thing
I didn’t believe in all the hype
I played the field
I kissed so many girls with no names
Broke so many hearts
to my shame
But non were ever good enough to last
And so quickly I moved on
Until there was you
Now I see myself growing old with you
As for the whole relationship thing
I’d say our matching rings say everything
Never again with there be anymore with no name
That was in the past
For your name is tattoo on my heart
I promise never to break your heart
Because I love only you
A sensual request…
Are you well enough
are sure really that you’re
ready for this?
Aren’t you still feeling fragile?
You’ve not long been recovered
It’s been a while
Maybe we should
forget about this
In turn I reply
Come over here
Stop your worrying
It’s only a kiss!
Copyright 2014 June Bolland
All of you! …
Saturday afternoon
With nothing much to do
Your catching up with your work
Typing reports
And
I’m staring out of the window
Thinking like I usually do
Tracing the raindrops
As they dance down the window pane
I glance at you
Concentration on your face
It got me thinking
What was it I first noticed about you?
Was it your eyes?
Hypnotic blue that cast a spell over me
Was it your long locks of golden blonde?
That radiated me towards you
Was it your mouth full and inviting?
Your lips have always been enticing
Or was it something much deeper
I first notice about you
Could it have been
The gentleness of your soul?
That attracted me like a moth
To the warmth , its brightness
I cannot really be sure
But whatever it was
That first time we met
I know one thing now
I love all of you!
©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland
Face to Face
Face to face
That first time
Hands barely touching
Fingers tips tingled at
Your slightest movement
Then THAT embrace
Eyes so blue
I found myself
Consciously fixed by your gaze
Not wanting to look away
Unlike I normal do
I don’t do the eye connect thing
But you
The first time I looked into your eyes
You transposed me into the deepest part of your soul
Into a vision of such beauty
A beauty I will never witness again
Or would want to.
Then there were you lips
The fullness of your pout
Exciting
Enticing
Then there was THAT kiss
That was five years ago
And now your touch still makes my fingertips tingle
And your kisses still entice me
But
Still I don’t do the eye contact thing
With anyone but you.
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland
Time and Distance
I watched you unpack
Your suitcase
I missed you I said
You stopped, smiled
Turned and kissed me on the cheek
And said I’ve missed you too
But I was only gone four days
The house was quiet without you
I said
Empty, tidy but colder
But in a funny way
I missed your mess
I’m glad your home
You turned wrapped
your hand in mine
Until you squeezed it tightly
And said I’m glad I’m home too
But I was only in Amsterdam
My minds been working overtime
Without you here to calm it
I said
You’ve been on my mind constantly
You let go of my hand and hugged me
and said I thought of nothing but you too
But I told you it was only four days away in Amsterdam
I know I said its seems nothing
when you say like that
But in seconds it sounds so much worst
In my mind
You were gone for
345600 seconds
and seemed so far away
495 Kilometres away to be exact!
I told you my mind’s been
working over time
But I missed you
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland
From Morning until dusk
The morning is for us
From that first kiss that awakes
Me from my dreams about you
To smiling at you as lying next to me
The mid-morning and afternoons are full of thoughts of you
Mid-morning smoke breaks and texts from you
To counting down the hours til you get home
Lunchtime chats that end with I love you
The evening is always spent will you?
Catching up on the day’s events we’ve both been through
Listening to music, watching TV, me writing poetry and you bringing me tea
Evening full of laughter, and chatter
The dusk is for us
Filled with passion and the exquisite touch of you
Alone time, our time
And kisses we share to send us to our slumber
And as we lie face to face we both say goodnight
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland
Shoes
We are like two pairs of shoes
You and I
Those that walk in unison
That have travelled down roads
Some would find it hard to endure
Down the same path
We walk in unison
Same pace, side by side
Heading for
Our dream
Our home
Our haven
We are shoes that dance when no one is around
We dance to the same song you and I
Slowly
Rhythmically
Always in time
So we never to step on each other’s feet!
But sometimes we avoid other people’s shoes
Not to avoid walking in them- no
But because other peoples shoes have a tendency
Of treading on your toes
And kicking you in the shins
And stomping on you when you’re down
But for some
We are shoes that will walk a thousand miles
To carry them home
Because we care enough
About the one’s we love
When times get hard
And they are heavy with burden and
Can no longer walk
We will carry them home
And at night when the moon has risen in the sky
Our shoes they sit side by side
Sharing the darkness of the night
Until it is morning and again they walk in unison
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland
My Angel needs love
Sometimes my angel needs to rest her wings 
It’s can be tiring taking
Care of everyone else but herself
Sometimes she just needs the security within my arms
To feel the love surround her, shield her
On those days that are bad
When she is reminded of past memories
That suddenly just appear
To understand and have no fear
That I am always here
To bestow a thousand kisses
To know that I will be there to rock her to sleep
And dry her tears as she weeps
and neatly put away her wings
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland
That Autumn evening
We met in the spring. You always can recall of how it was an instant connection, the thing we now know to be love. By late summer we had fallen in love. Sharing passionate kisses and lingering embraces. But never taking it further. We had to be sure that this was really something we wanted to pursue. You were 21 and I was 42, but yet the years in between melted away. You had never experienced real love, these feelings were so new to you and I was well still healing from her and then came that evening in early autumn…
Do remember I came round to see you
I think we were both aware what was about to take place that evening
It had been building for weeks, but now with minds free, mind set
We were ready to take to another level
I remember how beautiful you looked in that floral dress
And how nervous you were
You were trembling like the leaves blowing in the autumn winds
On the trees outside your window
I remember how inviting your lips were as you nervously spoke
I remember I pressed my finger to your lips and told you shh
And then I kissed you and you kissed me back
And how I began to unbutton your dress
And how you undid my belt
I remember taking off that floral dress
It was like the unveiling of statue of a Goddess
You were beautiful
My Venus
Then both together there alone equal in our nakedness
We laid together
God we were so nervous
And then it began with the sharing of kisses
And touching of faces, mouth, neck and breasts
We became relaxed
Emotions let free
Months of anticipation gone
That first connection
Was one of peaceful intimacy
Slowly, we explored each other
Pleasure should never be rushed
And slowly the intensity began to build
Until the moment of pure euphoria
Erupted between our thighs
Remember how we laid there after
Just staring into each other eyes
With still lingering fingers you traced my face
As I did yours
I remember when the evening was over
I watched you putting back on your floral dress
Knowing that life would never be quite the same
For you and I
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland
Sex appeal!
I remember our first date
Walking home with you
And your fingers found the spaces between mine
They locked, shut tight
As if you had caught me and
I knew there and then it was for keeps.
We stopped and lingered at your door
You said you wanted me, right there and then
I told you don’t! I didn’t put it out on first dates
I told you I wanted to get to know you just a little bit more
In fact it was 6 months and 3 days until I finally lay with you!
You told me I oozed sex appeal
I laughed nervously, a knee jerk reaction
No one had ever said that to me before
Say it again I asked you, so to make sure I wasn’t thinking it out loud
Because that how I felt about you too
But it was true you had said it and I replied but why what is that you see
That evades my vision.
I think went onto protest a little too much,
I am straight up and down, but you have the most wonderful breasts I exclaimed
(I had notice them once or twice during our night).
I have a crooked nose I inherited off my grandfather
How can you possibly say I ooze sex appeal?
When you stand there looking like a Goddess
You are beautiful!
Whilst I stand here like some prepubescent teenage boy
(with an image of your breast ingrained in my brain)
You ooze confidence you said
It leaves a trail of scent like perfume
You wear your sexuality like a coat; fasten with the buttons of experience
Your quirky, different, I love the way your mind thinks and how you speak
How you held your coffee cup tonight, need I go on? you said
You asked if would I kiss you or is that not permitted on first dates too
I didn’t need asking twice
And five years on, engaged here we are still very much in love
Infact the love has grown stronger over the years
And you still say I ooze sex appeal
You still love /want my straight up and down
You still enwrap in yourself in me
You still kiss my crooked nose when you awake in the mornings
and when you go to sleep at night
And me well I love every inch of you from your brain down to your toes
But secretly I will always worship your breasts
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
Without you
There were words I could not write (without you)
But now my words flow freely (because I found you)
I had a language I could not speak (until you were here to listen)
Now I have found my voice (I serenade you with the songs of love)
I had so many memories I could not have shared (if you were not here to dry my tears)
But with you I have memories I will cherish (until my time on this earths is done)
There would be too many demons for me to slay (if I didn’t have you by my side)
You are my angel (in the solace of you I feel safe)
So many years of wasted love (if I didn’t have you to share it with)
A love I didn’t feel I deserved (until you bestowed your love on to me)
I spent years running away always running (from her)
Now I find myself running towards you always (into your sweet embrace)
Time I have wasted collecting the bricks to build my walls higher (to keep my heart safe)
Until you came along, to breakdown my walls ( because you cared enough make them fall)
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
The degrees of passion
Initiation
It’s late and the world has closed its eyes
But we’re wide awake
Knowing that sleep is far from our minds
I sit watching you
As you undress beside me
You’re holding your hair
With your back towards me
You say “unclasp me”
Your lingerie now tossed to the floor
Invitation
The nakedness of your skin
Its softness
Its smoothness
and it’s aroma
Is too hard to resist
I need no invitation
and so I begin bestowing intimate kisses
Exploration
You turn to face me
Your body straddled over mine
There is a longing in those
Blue eyes of yours
We linger
Gaze fixed
Lips locked
And then the tease of your tongue
Is an open invitation to explore deep
into hidden depths
Consummation
And the ritual begins
The weight of your body
Of skin upon skin
We move in synchronised movement
Then that intimate touch
As fingers and hands wander
A slow gentle exploration of bodies
And we tremble with what is to come
A hunger that needs to be fed
Pulses throb
Heartbeats race as
The warmth of our closeness
Pupils Dilated
The teasing of tongues
flicker
between thighs
Our souls are awoken
Reunited once again
And our bodies explode
With the passion we have created
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
If it rains today
Today if it rains
Will you laugh at the dark clouds above my head
Will you mock them
Will you tell them they will never win
That I am not yet beaten
Will you walk with me
Jump and splash in puddles with me
So I can try and regain some joy back
Will you stand with me , with arms stretched out
And let the rain wash over us so I can feel again
And on the way home
Will you stop there in the crowded street
And kiss me
So I can feel your love over again
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland
Avoiding the dark abyss
With a kiss you awake me from my opiatic repose
You ask how I am feeling
I tell you I’m not quite sure
You rephrase your question “how does it feel” you ask
“What the depression?” I reply
(You nod)
I tell you I feel tainted
That my brain feels corrupted
By the messed up childhood I inherited
And as I am saying it I’m thinking you won’t get it
But the look on your face isn’t a fearful one
There’s compassion in your eyes
(you’re not about to run a mile from the mad one who lies next to you)
and so I add another guilt to the thousand I already possess
for doubting you.
I tell you that I no longer mind the pain
because the pain makes me feel I am still here
I tell you pain also speaks the truth
it shows the honesty in people
They don’t know what to say so they wish you Good luck
As if I am about to embark on some great joyous adventure
when really I am running from the dark abyss
It’s because some don’t know how to handle depression
They see it as a weakness, a failure
and you tell me I am not weak , that I am the strongest person you know
And that my mum thinks of me as some kind of super hero
I regretfully answer I’m afraid my cape has been hung up
Then there’s a darkness to my voice
I am fearful Jo I say
Of the dark abyss
And of the suicidal thoughts waiting
I tell you I am now a ghost visible to a few
I feel as if I am beginning to walk between the shadows
Trying to avoid the dark abyss
Desperately searching for my way back home
I glance, I see you upset
The tears are welling in your eyes
You wrap your arms around me
I feel your love tighten round my frame
And hear your whisper in my ear “You are home, its right here”
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland
Skin touching Skin
Our gaze locked
The anticipation of skin touching skin
My fingertips begin to trace your mouth
Then the moment that starts from a kiss
The slow exploration of the softness of your lips
I feel the touch of your breath as I inhale you
The intensity builds as your tongues entwines with mine
Positions now altered
I feel the warmth of your closeness as
you take my weight
my motion is slow
never rushed
my fingers , palm of my hands slowly begin to linger
and with every touch
I replace it with a kiss
you take my hand
With fingers entwined you guide me slowly down
slowly my fingers enter into hidden depths
soft, wet
It’s an open invitation to explore
You buck
Again with every touch I replace it with a kiss
But harder this time
You buck again
An orgasmic wave sends
Vibrations throughout your frame
And I can feel the intensity tremble under me
It strikes you to your very core
Over, and over this occurs
Both satisfying each other’s hunger
Until both our cravings have been met
It ends as it began with a kiss
One last slow exploration of the softness of your lips
And bodies still wet
We lie en wrapped in other’s skin
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland
Two figures
Alone
Two figures
Yours and mine
Lie
As our world waltz’s
Into the darkness of the night
And the brightness of the moons light projects
A shadow of a single silhouette on our wall
We are bound by love
Synchronised in movement
We are always in tune you and I
Both knowing how to please
How a thousand types of kisses can tease
As the caress of our hands waits in anticipation
The sensation of pleasure
Alone
Two figures
Yours and mine
Lie
As our world waltz’s
Into the brightness of the early morning sun
And we know the earth just didn’t move for us
It danced for both of us last night
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
This, you , us
I sit here just looking at you
And it crosses my mind briefly of how lucky I am
To have this, you, us
But it’s not meant to happen to people like me
I have too much broken mirrors of luck
For this to be real
And then my mind begins to wander, with now thoughts spiralling
I begin to doubt myself that this cannot be real
What if this all a dream,
What if my mind is tricking me into thinking that
All this, you, us is some bipolar vision
That really you are a figment of my wanting
to want this , want you, want us
then you move towards me
The real you, the dream you, the bipolar you
Momentarily I am unsure which one I can actually see
But then you come up behind me
Wrap your love around me
And with the warmth of your lips you kiss me
This spell is then lifted and I know now this is true
Because your kisses are truest kisses I have tasted
And your love is truest gift I have ever received
And I sit here now so content, so happy knowing
This, you, us is very real.
©Copyright 2013 by Mehefin Bolland.
Shadows (For J x)
There have been times in my life when all I had for company was my solitary shadow
Ever present, watching
(but detached)
Appearing only when sun shone
(but I didn’t even know the sun was shining)
And as the clouds emerge it too would be gone
(leaving me alone stood there in my solitary frame)
For days, months, and years this would occur
(it became my normality)
Then perchance you appeared, as the shadow did
(present, this time real)
Now whenever the sun shine’s
(and I now know the sun shines, it always shines now)
For all I see is two shadows,merged moving in unison
(for you will always be the blue skies on my cloudy days )
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
In a halo of perfection
I love the way your hair falls on the pillow
I love to memorise every inch of you
To recall back on days and nights I may find myself apart from you
And as the sun’s rays peer through our curtains
And the morning light breaks the darkness of your silhouette
Their light illuminates every part of you
Until all I can see is my love, my life, my eternity
Lying there next to me in a halo of perfection
Whilst I lie so close to you
so desperate to touch you
but knowing its too soon, you still need to heal
I resist the temptation,
Instead I am satsified with the thousand hugs and kisses
you bestow on me a day
knowing is it only a matter of time
When we will again share our passion
So for now I will just lie here content watching you sleep
Lying there next to me in your halo of perfection
As the morning light breaks the darkness of your silhouette
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved
Lie with me
Lie with me
let me see your beauty
Lie with me
look into my eyes and
See my spirit and know the love it has for you
Lie with me
Place yourself beside me and hold me (just hold me)
Lie with me
kiss away my pain
Lie with me
let’s have meaningless conversations
until we laugh and the tears begin to fall
Lie with me
Let me fall asleep enwrapped in your skin
Take a nap with me this afternoon
Whilst the summer rain dances on our windows
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved
In the silence of happiness
We’re both wide awake
Its two maybe half two in the morning
Your arms round my waist
Head leaning on my shoulder
Your legs entwined with mine
You pull me in close into you
It’s a time we’re familiar with
It’s a time we have deep meaningful conversations
Sometimes often or not it’s a time for wants
And needs to be initiated
But not tonight
Tonight there is neither
Tonight there is a sense of contentment
In the silence of happiness
Lying here knowing that the past is a distant memory
never to be relived
And knowing that our future is beautiful adventure
waiting to be lived
But more than that
It’s knowing that you are well, you are safe
You are here, just here by my side
With your arms round my waist
Head leaning on my shoulder
Your legs entwined with mine
I feel blessed…
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved
Even bloggers need a holiday !!
A short impromptu blog , well it’s seems ages since I have written any poetry but life the last few weeks has been really full on and lots of things have happened since my last posting. I have taken three British Sign language exams , so I had lots of preparation to do for those. I had the result of the first two exams and passed those , just waiting for the finally one to come through. I had an interview to get a place on the British Sign language level 3 NVQ course starting in September and I managed to secure a place , which is really good as these places are hard to get on as they are very limited places, so I was thrilled to bits to be asked to do the course.
What else , well going back to a poem I wrote on 7 June 2013 (We will get you through this ), my partner was told at the age of 26 she need as pacemaker , anyway please to say she had the operation on 12 July and is doing really well and more importantly is feeling well, she has another 2 weeks recovery before she goes back to see her consultant but the difference in her is amazing.So with her having the op I took a week off to look after her . Now for the best bit of news , remember I wrote a poem on 4 June ( Would you?) , well last week 19 July I took my partner to Angel Bay in North Wales which has featured in a number of poems I have shared ( its a really special place for both of us ) and I got down on one knee and asked her to marry me and she said YES! It was a complete surprise to her and it was a really special, beautiful day. I had decided to ask her shortly after my partner was told about the pacemaker, but I wanted to do once she had the op and was well enough to travel (it drove me crazy keeping it from her.) It to be honest it hasn’t really sunk in that she is now my fiancé, but I do feel very very blessed to have her here by my side and I know I am one lucky woman to have her to share my life. Anyway promise the poetry will resume shortly, I’ve a few ideas floating about my head so I’ll be posting again soon. Anyway here’s a poem that basically sums up how I feel about the engagement
And–that woman? she
was the universe’s tongue the universe
swallowed. That’s as good an explanation as any.
Once, in sleep, you started a dream soliloquy,
the grammar of which is snow on fire, the words are
neuron-scrawl, are words the elements sing to their molecules…
–I threw myself across you.
It wasn’t sex this time. I just wanted to keep you
beside me, in this world.”
-Albert Goldbarth
ps : Thanks Mr H for the title of this blog x
Heartbeats…
My arms are wrapped around you
As you lie by my side
But at all times one eye is kept open
I wait; watch you as your heartbeats become content
I watch as you drift into your world full of dreams
Where you are well
Some days when you wake
I can tell the dreams you have
The waking world is not the same
The reality sinks in
You long to be the girl who you once were
I tell you, no I try to reassure you, you will be once more
Your eyes say otherwise, you are not convinced by my words
It’s hard, it hurts and I get stressed
I get angry with people
They’re not interested in your blight
They’re too busy floating around in their delusional bubbles
Expecting us to enjoy
Watching them go ride off
On life’s fantastic journey
When all I want to do is lie by your side
Wrap my arms around you
and watch you sleep as your heartbeats become content
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved
Love lost and found
I thought I lost my one true love
She fled through my front door
Never to return
I put flyers up
They read
“Love, lost, please return it “
But nobody did
Three long years I pined
Over thought, had conversations
Inside my head
Of the why’s, the what if’s
Then you appeared
One sunny morning in May
To tend my mother’s wounds
The days, the weeks, the months went by
Each time you’d greet me with a smile
A look of attraction was clear to see in your eyes
I look back on that time, it seems so long ago
I’ve grown so much; you pulled me out of the darkest place
A place I thought love would never grace
Yet now I realise my one true had not left
She had not arrived
Because I realise I was waiting for you
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved
Your Story
I remember the day you opened up to me
The day you relived your story
I remember how the tears streamed down your face
Your body language changed
You told me you had suffered from an eating disorder
How you mind distorted
The image reflection of you
How you used to hide
Locked away in the bathroom
Away from prying eyes
Alone with your morbid distain
You learned to purge and expel
With fingers down your throat
All you consumed expelled
Of how desperate you became
How daring you became you performed
This act in public and how still no one was aware
How you became a mistress of its deceit
Until one day your mind, your body completely broke
You were forced to look your demons in the eye
Kept under lock and key, your every move monitored
You were allowed no privacy
You told me how of the months you spent in therapy
How they healed your mind and body
How this was the reason you became a nurse
Of how it scars still haunt you
Of how you still live with years of self-abuse
Of the damage it caused to your heart
I sat and listened to the pain in your voice
There were tears streaming down my cheeks
The day you opened up to me
The day you relived your story
I remember how I held you,tried to kiss away your pain
I told you sshh babe, it’s ok , let the pain all out
I held you until you were all cried out
Now the years have past since you retold your story
Now not one day goes by
I never forget to remind you how beautiful you are
both on the inside and out
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved
Will you take care of your heart
I refrain from telling you
I’m constantly biting my lip
at the reckless chances you keep taking
It alarms me , it worries me
the lack of respect you give to your heart
you tell me stop fussing, your ok
but both know really your not
You tell me you’re only young once, life is for living
I tell you, I know but
I’d actually like the chance to live that life with you
I want to grow old with you at my side
You know I’m scared to death of losing you
I nearly lost you once
we may not get a second chance
I don’t want to visit you at your graveside
but then I refrain
God you drive me insane sometimes
but then again I still can’t help caring for you
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved
In the darkness that surrounds us
The darkness surrounds us
We arrive home
A night of anticipation
Greets us as
We close the door
I go outside to sit on the balcony
I was about to have a cigarette
But then I realise I don’t need one
I’m already intoxicated by you
I’m waiting for you to join me
You’re pouring the drinks
The lanterns on balcony are lit
You come and sit
You straddle me
You’re now sat facing me
There passion in our eyes
Let’s take this inside
The night has just begun
I unzip your dress
It falls to the floor
You begin to kiss the back of my neck
Whilst your tease the buttons open on my shirt
Your hands begin wander
Belt undone
You begin to undress me
As I caress you
Our shoes kicked off
Music is on low
We dance real slowly
From room to room
Until we reach the bedroom
The rest of our clothes are now strewn across the floor
We begin to explore
In the darkness that surrounds us
The visit
Today it’s me who has the nervous twitch
My mood has taken a turn for the worse
You try and make me smile by dancing round the bedroom floor
But I can’t shift this feeling inside
It’s the thought of the visit from your mother
It’s knowing right now she is driving over on the M56
To darken this beautiful day with overcast clouds of doom
We both know the scenario of the day ahead
She’ll be overbearing like she usually is
She’ll have that distained look upon her face that wishes me dead
She has ways of telling me I’m too old for you, that
I don’t have the prospects that she wants for you
I know she thinks I’ll never be good enough for you
I’ve tried to learn to love her, after all she part created you
But she doesn’t really want to know
We tolerate each other for the sake of you
We both know she hates your choices in life
That you turned you’re back on your rich life style
That she has difficulty in accepting your sexuality
She’ll hate the fact she can’t break us, no matter how hard she tries
But what she forgets is together we’re strong
That the love we share is an unconditional bond
She makes comments whether there needed or not
She’ll come with a hidden agenda
But I’m hoping she won’t try and upset you like she usually does
So I wish for the hours to quickly roll on by
So we can say “Don’t come back soon and goodbye.”
Then when it’s dark and she has gone promise me
We can be both dance round the bedroom floor
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved
We will get you through this
We sit waiting
Silent
No words
Just waiting
Your foot taps on the floor
It always taps when you’re nervous
I place my hand on your knee
To calm the twitch
I turn to you, smile
You squeeze my hand so tight
but I don’t mind
you smile right back at me
I tell “You’ll be ok we will get you through this”
They call your name
the tests begin
heartbeats checked
it’s not good news
too much damage
but we already knew this
your symptoms have been getting worse
I know this because your heartbeats out of rhythm to mine
when I make love to you
they tell you the facts
A pacemaker is needed
but it doesn’t sink in
so I butt in “You’ll be ok we will get you through this”
The choice has been made
we’re sat in the car
silently
no words
You tell me “I’m scared Finn “
then the what if questions begin
It’s a game I’m all too familiar with
I tell “You’ll be fine it’s all good
they’re going to fix you,
you’ll be in safe hands and when it over
you’ll be in mine”
I place my hand on your knee
not to stop the twitch
but to reassure you
I smile at you
you squeeze my hand so tight
but I don’t mind
you smile right back at me
I tell “You’ll be ok we will get you through this”
Darkness falls
I’m listening to your heartbeats
as I write
of how I would in a second
take
Your pain,
Your fear
You turn to face me
You watch me write for a while
then you tell me
You want me
I stop
with pen put down
I turned off the lights
I lean over to kiss you
you kiss me back harder
I place my hand on your knee
not to stop the twitch
but because you ask me
you hold my hand as you guide me
You so want to forget the day that been
But tomorrow I will tell you again
“You’ll be ok we will get you through this”
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved
My words are meaningless without you
my words always come from my deepest places
my soul and my heart
random thoughts poured out upon the page
they are confessions of darker, loner times
they are the words of love I’ve shared with you
but really they have no meaning without you
they are just words of meaningless random
but you complete my words
you are my every capital letter
my commas, my colons, my full stops
my explanation marks, the ellipsis
my quotation marks
my open and closed brackets
but never my question marks
but most of all you are the kiss
at end of my words I only share with you
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved
The night is ours alone
(For Jo x )
The night
You, me
Sunset, sunrises
and all the hours
in between belong to only us
We are alone
expect for the company
of unconditional love
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved
Your Beautiful Hands
Whenever I think of you
I think of your hands
I remember how you nursed my mother back to health
With your caring touch
I remember on our first date you placed your hand on my knee
I recall how you asked me to hold your hand
As we walk back to your home
I remember how you changed the position
Your fingers became entwined with mine
How you still hold out your hand for me to hold every time we’re out
I love how your hands feel on my neck as you kiss me
I love how your thumb brushes over my lips when you’ve kissed them
I love the way your hands feel on my waist and when you hug me
I love how your fingers take a slow stroll across my body
How they tease and caress me
The sensuality in your fingers generate such ecstasy
I remember the softness of the palms of your hands
As I held them when you were in hospital
How I check the length of your life line
As to reassure me that your life was long
That you weren’t going to leave me
How you squeezed my hand back when you awoke
I’ll never forget that one single squeeze of hope
I dream of the day when this land decides to make up its mind
How you and I will stand face to face
Hand in hand
And how I will place my ring on your finger
The one that’s vein leads straight to your heart
So whenever I think of you
I
Always
Think
Of
Your
Beautiful
Hands
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved
A phone call away
Alone in bed I sit writing about you (Always about you )
My phone rings it’s you
You ask me “Are you writing?”
I reply “I am, are you reading, what chapter you on?
You give me a brief summary of what you’ve read
I can hear the excitement in your voice, I smile
You ask me “What you smiling about? “
I ask you “How do you do that?
How do you know my facial expression from a phone call?”
“I just do” you say
Then the conversation continues
“The sky is dark tonight “ you say
We sit /lie apart looking at the night sky
You’re not with me; you’re alone in your bed
But you’re looking at the same night sky as me
We’re barely 3 miles apart
But you feel so very close
I wish I could reach down the phone and look into your eyes so blue
Instead of the dark night andI wish I could tell how much I love you
“You say it’s cold tonight “and I agree
I say “There’s definitely a chill in the air
I wish I could reach down the phone and hold you and keep you warm
Instead of the cold freezing my skin and I wish I could tell you how much I miss you
“You say there is stillness tonight”
I say “I know it doesn’t feel right”
I wish I could reach down the phone and touch you
Instead I sit here still and I wish I could tell you how much I WANT you tonight
You say “It’s getting late ” and you know how early I have to be awake
I say “I know, I’m just finish this verse and then I’m going to sleep”
You reply “I’m finishing off this chapter and I’ll call it a night”
We finish off in unison “Sweet dreams babe, goodnight.”/
“Sweet dreams, night my sweet.”
We both hang up
I finish my verse
I turn off the light
I lie there alone in the dark, cold, still night,
with thoughts of nothing but you
Content knowing that’s what you’re doing too
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved
What I would do
Before you I was lost deep within inside myself
My name had returned on the singles list
There was a blackness that rule my head and heart
The girl I once loved, left for someone else far away,
All the relationships gone wrong before
I tried to hide away
I try desperately to fill the void
Not knowing how to start
My mind in overdrive
I sunk to depths so deep
Then you arrived
My heart rejuvenated
My mind so full of thoughts only of you
You built me up, you counselled me ,
You loved me and I began to love you (love me too)
So 5 years on and here we are
We have had laughter, good times, stressful times,
Times we’ve parted and been lonely and miserable
But our love always shines through
Our life together now certain
You mean so much to me
That I would live my life over again
all its bad times, its black times,
I would allow myself to cavort with the demons of my past
For knowing you‘d be there
Even if it was only for
one last kiss
one last touch
one last night in your bed
one last look in your eyes
one last smile
I would do that for you
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved
Tides
There was a storm that hit our bay
That drifted you too far out to sea
Too far for me to swim and reach out for you,
So far I couldn’t rescue you (rescue us)
I stood on the beach helpless
I watched the flow of the water
carry you away
As the tears flowed down my cheeks
I was weighed down by heavy heart
heavy because it was full of sorrow
I looked out on to the horizon
you were slowly drifting out of my sight
I thought you set sail towards new lands
I thought the tides of someone else’s ocean
had swept you to their shores
so many days you were lost at sea
I wondered if the tides would ever change their course
and return you back to me
then I saw your signal the beacon of light
the tides had granted me my wishes and guided you safely back to me
you moored yourself by my side
I made a promise to myself ( to you) to keep you safe
to never let you drift off back out to sea
because I will always keep your anchor secure, safe in my heart
where it was meant to be
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved
Today we have a tomorrow
We talked and talked
A serious conversation
ground rules set
and then the relief
the heartache lifted
we laughed and laughed
I don’t think we’ve laughed that much
in a long while
I’ve missed your laughter , your smile,
I’ve missed you
you asked how long could I stay
I said “I am yours for the rest of the evening ”
I was sat on the balcony having a cigarette
I was watching you in the kitchen
God you looked so beautiful
you came to join me
you came up behind me
wrapped your arms around my waist
you perched your chin on my shoulder
you embraced me with your love
we just stood there in silence
content with feel of each others skin
God I’ve missed you, missed this
then I sensed your posture changed
you spun me round
and looked at me
there was a worried look in your eye
“We’re going okay aren’t we, me and you” you asked me
“Of course we are” I replied
I cupped your face in my hands
I kissed you
God how I missed your kisses
I clasped your hands in mine
I told you there and then today we have a tomorrow
tomorrow we have a future
a future a life together
but tonight we have love to share
and I led you inside
come on I said “Let me show
you how I know we are okay “…
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved
I can read you like a book.
My head is full of words
Words you told me yesterday of promises and wants
You say come round we’ll discuss it more
But really we know what would happen behind closed doors
A trail of discarded mess and we would ended up bed
Leaving me with you going around and around in my head
See you say you miss me you want to try work things out
But I read your mind; I can read you like a book
Really all your saying is you're missing is the fucks
I’m not being harsh I miss them too
We keep doing this thing with perpetual motion
We’re toying and playing with our emotions
We brush over things for momentary pleasures
Then a quick fuck turns into you staying for the night,
You move in and weeks of wonderful passion, we’re satisfied
Until one of us wakes up and thinks things through
So you take your leave or I ask you to
See I never ever thought I’d fall in love with you
So NO is answer to the question
You proposed to me the other day
We can’t just be fuck buddies me and you and I
I have too much respect for us
I know you do too!
But your words, they dont speak the truth
You’re not thinking straight cos you’re not missing the fucks
This is not you! I know deep down your heart is torn in two
I feel your pain because it's my pain too
You think you need comfort from a quick fuck
But deep deep down you know it’s more than that
It's the fear of losing our love
That makes you say the things you do
I know because I can read you like a book.
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved
First Times
I stand alone with my solitary shadow
with hands empty longing to touch you
with too much time I haven’t got
I spend filling it with regret and if’s and but’s
hours get lost along with me
I sit with cigarette in hand
tears slowly fall and I blame the smoke
I sit and reminiscence of so many memories of beautiful times
the time I first saw you
I’d beamed you were (are) so beautiful
the first kiss ,
I smirked (I cupped your face in my hands)
the first time we touched
I smiled ( I held you so tight I knew I should never let you go)
the first time I saw you naked
I was in awe of you (you relit feelings so deep I forgot they were there)
the first time we made love
I was aroused by you (God remember how nervous we were)
And when we realised our love was lost to the complications of life ( I cried)
I stood alone with my solitary shadow watching
the waves crash against the rocks and I cried a little more.
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved
May our lives always collide
You breathed life back into me
I rediscovered my inner child out with you
You filled my world with laughter and fun
You filled my heart with so much love, so much passion
Something that had been stolen and denied to me for so long
Not one day did I not enjoy sharing with you
Not one night did we not look forward to sharing ourselves
You counselled me , opened me up , rid me of my demons
You allowed me to share secrets I held ashamed enclosed within
With you I found contentment , an inner a peace
But yet I was always running away from you
Because I never wanted you to be the one to leave ,
But always you’d run after me ,always with a kiss you reassured me
That whatever life throws at us we will never be at war you and me and
I do believe you
But know one thing no one will ever touch my soul like you do
With time , with space , we will redefined our relationship
Not again as lovers but as friends and one day not far from now
We will sit side by side on the fence leaning towards happiness
Because our lives were always meant to collide
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved
Our Bed
I counted today how many days it has been
since you shared our bed,
it’s sixteen
And yet I still cannot bring myself to invade your space
So I remain lying still here on my side
With back turned away from the void
Where your frame once laid
Naked, still and so beautiful
Our bed full of happy times, sensual times, contented times
Stressful times of when you were ill, which I try to forget
Our bed … our haven, our own Utopia, our paradise, our private place.
A place for late night passion and early morning chats and cups of tea
Bedtime reading and flirtatious teasing
A place we watched full moons and constellations
And the rising sun and changing seasons
A place where we begin the working day
And looked forward to weekend play
A place that now feels as lost as me
where I now lie
still here on my side
With back turned away from the void
Trying desperately not to cry
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved
Joie de vivre
I am lacking in joie de vivre
My brain has stopped properly functioning
Since things went wrong and you left again
My brain over thinks
It’s over worked
With thoughts of you
Play, pause, rewind,
Memories of happier times on a loop of you, me, us
I try so desperately try to recall your touch
I so miss the feel of you, the warmth of you, the love of you
My body aches for you
Melancholy invades me again
Too many emotions are contained fighting within
I need so much sleep
I could sleep for a hundred days
But then there is the emptiness,
But I so need empty, I so need space
I need the void to wallow in
To recovery, to gather strength
Within these walls of silence
To find my joie de vivre without you
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved
Goodbye, I wish you well my love…
Allow me the space, the time to grieve for you
to come to terms that our time has past
Let me focus on the present
Let me move forward into my future without you
Allow me to hold on to the memories
of your touch
Allow me to hold onto the memories
of your kisses
Let me smile once in a while
whenever I think of you and I will wish you well my love
I will wish you the love that you deserve
that I so wanted to give to you
but couldn’t
I wish you happiness
the freedom to enjoy all the love you deserve
Allow her take you away for illicit weekends in romantic cities
to places I would have loved to have taken you to but couldn’t
Allow her shower you with love
to put you on that pedestal that you deserve to adorn
as I always did
In return I ask only this
That you think of me once in a while
and
please never take her to Angel Bay
please leave it untouched
let always remain full of our love
and the memories of you and me.
In return I will let you go
with my blessing,
with my love
and
I will wish you well.
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved
Tell me
Tell me how I should feel (because I do not how I should feel)
Tell me if this pain you left me with will heal (in time I hope it will)
Tell me if this bed will ever stop feeling so lonely (without you to share it)
Tell me if that look you gave me today wasn’t full of regret (because you know it was)
Tell me I’m wrong (Your eyes could never lie to me)
Tell me you don’t still care (because I know you do)
Why else did choose to be with me today instead of her (did she know where you were?)
Tell me
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved
I was, You did, Were we?
I was naïve to the real you
I was blinded by your beauty
I was hungry for your touch
I was once so in love with you
I WAS
You did tarnish the image I had of you in the end
You did show me how ugly you became in the end
You did starve me of real affection in the end
You did give away the love you once had for me in the end
YOU DID
Were we?
Were we once?
Were we once so?
Were we once so in?
Were we once so in love?
WERE WE?
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved
You are
You are the goodnight kiss that sends me to me to my slumber
I am lucky
You are the dawn chorus that gently wakes me from my dreams
I am lucky
You are the winter sun that keeps me warm on cold cold days
I am lucky
You are the anchor of my vessel you keep me
safe when storms would drown me
I am lucky
You are the constant star that guides me home (when I am lost)
I am lucky to have you
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved
