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Nine years ago

funeral 

Nine years ago

Has gone in an instance

Nine years ago

You left us

Nine years ago

My life was turned upside down,

I had to step up to the plate

Nine years ago

and we still miss your laughter

Nine years ago

how was it possible for you to succumb to this terrible illness?

a man of your stature

Nine years ago

over two hundred people flocked to show their respect

and to say their goodbyes to you

But tomorrow only three will remember you

out of those two hundred people that showed their faces that day,

The one’s still here, the ones that are left

Will they even remember its nine years ago

and we are still very much bereft

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland

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At the back of your mind

mindI am the memory at the back of your mind

that comes to you when you sleep

I am the memory at the back of your mind

when your heart misses me and you weep

I am the memory at the back of your mind

that makes you smile when your senses

recall happier times

I am the memory at the back of your mind

that tells you, you are not alone

that  I will still keep you safe

I am the memory at the back of your mind

that remind’s you , that although I’m not there

I will always still love you.

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

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Goodbye

uncle 2

Silently, with heart full of grief

With so much love

I will follow you on your last journey

Deep in thought I will sit quietly and pray for you

As we gather to say goodbye

I will  keep in my heart

all the times

You were there when my father was not

I remember you saying to me

“Do not be too hard on your father

that what he had was an illness, that he is a good man and

he does love you”

 as usual you were right

You had such compassion, just like my Grandfather

I will always be thankful for the shelter and the safety

You gave my mother and I when it was needed

and

times were hard

I thank you for  every holiday you gave me  

For allowing me to have some memories of a happy childhood

I thank you for your acceptance in my choices in love

You never judged, you just embraced anyone that loved me

You beamed at every exam I passed

 As proud as my father was

You always praised me for the way I care  for my mother

You told me “Your Grandfather would be so proud of you”

Those words mean more to me than anything that has ever been said to me

when you needed help

 I had to be there, to repay  you for every single thing you did for me

so tomorrow ,I your niece will silently with heart full of grief

 with so much love

will follow you on your last journey

and if you are looking over my shoulder

Always know that I  will always miss you

because you were always more than just an Uncle to me  

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

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For my uncle

We sitlp

We talk

We listen

Machines beep, flash

Exhale and inhale

We hold your hands

We stroke your face

To bring you peace

and to bring us comfort

But reality says you are not there

But clinically you are very much here

Centre of our attention (you hate fuss)

I see my mother silently reciting the Mi Sheberakh

for you

sleep long

sleep peacefully

sleep

sleep

bless you go quietly

bless you go with dignity

bless you pass surrounded by love.

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

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Black Friday

 

dad

 

A thousand tears I have shed

since that fateful day I sat besides you on

what became your deathbed

A million memories whirl within my head

since that day the nurse told me were dead

A hundred regrets I  have of things I should have said

I should have told you how much I loved you and more

since that day I have tried desperately to block out and ignore

An emptiness that lingers deep within my soul now exists

A sadness that invades my thoughts now persists

I shall remember a billion recollections of those times I treasure of you

in the hope they get me through

now that you have passed no longer to to return

People say time is a great healer but normality has now fled

it has been stolen

sorrow and silence is all that is left

So how can I resume to carry on

now that you have left me alone and bereft

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

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Wearing Black

Just because I don’t wear blackblack

doesn’t mean I do not mourn

Just because tears do not fall from eyes

doesn’t mean I haven’t cried a thousand times inside

Just because I don’t mention his name everyday

doesn’t mean I forgotten his memory it is present with me everyday

Missing him is a pain I have to endure

there is no cure

This is my normality now

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved.

May contain Rants

A Noble Profession

Rang J this evening  to find out aboutnoble prof

the arrangements for tomorrow

“Happy Birthday” I exclaimed “How was work?

She  answered “Thanks”

Her voice was full of sorrow

“What’s wrong?” I asked

“An old lady die on my Birthday” she blurted out

She’s never gotten use to the death

It’s a noble profession being a nurse,

nurturing life and at the same time mourning  it too

She was the only one with her when actually she died

She had no one else to be there, she said

she hung on for ages but she cancer it was prevalent

They called her family but they were stuck in the snow

I tried to appease her but she was in too much in grief

“Do you want me to come round ?” I said

“Can  I come to you ” she replied  ,

Yes I answer “Do want come stay the night?”

“I  don’t like the thought of you being on your own”

”I’d like that” she said ” I don’t think I should on my own tonight  too”….

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved.