May contain Rants

Across the open skies…

There’s an old black bag
That looks like a bird with torn wings of ragged plastic
It’s become entangled in the winter branches of the tree at the bottom of the garden
Every morning I open the curtains
Look up to see it still sitting there
I watch whilst opportunistic magpies gang up and try and torment it
I can tell it wants to free itself from its prison
But bedraggled all it can do is wait
For the weather to change
For winds to pick up
So it reserves its energy
Then the day arrives the branches of the sycamore begin to sway
This is its only chance to be free
Furiously flapping its tired wings
Finally it breaks free
And once more it soars across the open skies

I smile

© June Bolland 2016

May contain Rants

Love divine…

You did not care about my monstrous shape
And the snarled expression etched upon my face
You did not recognise the hideous beast
That I thought was me
You gave me a place of tranquillity
A place where I could be at peace
Perched up there high
Upon your spire
And as the night drew in
You’d usher me down
From my solitude
To frolic between your transept’s
And dance up and down your aisle
amongst the crevices of your nave
Until I reached your chancel screen
Where beyond laid your inner chapel
Ordained with such beauty
Your Alter laid
And on bended knee
You offered me your holy sacrament
And as I did I tasted the sweetness of your wine
A crescendo of bells would begin to sing
And the moon lit up the transcendent windows to your soul

Copyright June Bolland 2015

May contain Rants

Absence…

How long has it been now ?
Since the great silence descended
How long has it been now ?
Since the nights became lonely and darker
How long has it been now ?
Since this void replaced you
The truth is I can’t ask you
as your absence is all too clear
So I shall have to answer my own questions
Not long enough do you hear
Does that surprise you my dear
What did you expect my world to come crashing down without you here to hold it up
See this is the madness of love
It can turn completely on its head
I once loved you so much
I’d have given you that world that I speak of
But now I can barely utter your name sometimes without having such feelings of contempt
It saddens me to think of you that way
But my absence has left you with a void you have quickly filled
It has allowed you to fill the silence with someone else’s laughter and make your nights no longer lonely or darker
Now I am not bitter at knowing this
You know me better than that
I just hope she makes you happier than
I did
Just promise me one thing though
If things do get difficult don’t run and hide , face up to them , challenge them
Do not give up like you did on us
Do not allow someone else to feel your absence .

May contain Rants

Ink…

My thoughts flow from the ink of my pen
Only for their pain they write  to be stemmed by the paper they are written on
I so want to write of love and happier times
and of  memories of  when my fingertips once explored all of you
But the ink that flows 
now only  stains  my fingertips with its ink so black
Its colour has invaded my heart, my soul
As I know there cannot be  anymore happy memories to write about
I have to instead write of closure  and leave behind heartfelt sentiments and  feelings I still  wish to  express
And so the words I now write are full of sadness and are numb
For knowing that no more words  will express my love for you and the memories we once shared when my fingertips once explored all of you
Copyright June Bolland 2015

May contain Rants

Blue eyes…

I’m readjusting to the silence
instead of conversing with you
I’m relying on one way conversations that now resonate in my brain
I’m recollecting the reasons why I fell in love with you
Maybe it had something to do with fact your eyes were an incredible blue
Maybe the colour attracted me
As I was familiar with the colour blue
The blue of my bipolar
But then I realised your eyes were not an ice cold blue
Like the thousand tears I cried before I met you
There was a warmth to them
they reminded me of the colour of the ocean
they invited me in
That day I fell in love with you
but loving someone with bipolar is a difficult thing to do ,
But for you falling in love with me was never going to be easy
there were minutes, hours, days, weeks, and even months
when I inexcusable hurt you and just pushed you away
But there were so many beautiful times when I drew you close into me
These are the times I’ll shall recollect
For no one in my past or in my future will ever compare to you
For you will always be my special
one with your eyes so blue
Copyright June Bolland 2015

May contain Rants

The right decision?…

Clouds of doubt
Over shadow my mind
Of how I miss the little things we use to do
I miss keeping your hand warm in my pocket on cold winter days 
I miss waking to the now void that was once occupied by you
I miss driving you to work and waving you off
I miss our  morning chats before the sun was barely up in the sky
But most of all I miss  the softness of your skin
All the things we (I) took for granted
It hurts to think I’ll no longer share these things  with you
I sometimes wonder
Did we make the right decision
To allow this illness that renders
my mind Incapable of logical thought
and allows it to  continually push you away (now forever)
We should have fought harder you and I (for our love)
For we were (are) two people still very much  in love ( you and I cannot deny the facts)
But life has a habit of getting in the way
It saddens me we are so near ,just living  3 miles apart , but you feel so far away that I know we both feel  alone and lost