May contain Rants

Thoughts…

We were two strangers

Until that first kiss

Remember how we smiled

through the whole thing

That was before the demons

took over the roller coaster ride

And my life became a series

of mania and depression

They say I now need timeout  

To  allow you time to recover

from all the hurt I’ve instill on you

That I need to quieten my mind

To allow my brain to recover

That I need to take my pills

to attend the therapy

and to learn how to control

the rapid thoughts that

race around my head 

Yet when I’m

Alone at night

I still think of you

And that first kiss when

We were strangers

Copyright June Bolland 2014

May contain Rants

Nightshifts and words …

Words cannot replace
The physical sentiments of love
They cannot replace that first
morning kiss or the image of your smile that wakes me

Words cannot replace
The softness of your touch upon my skin
As darkness descends and time belongs to no one but us

But for those times when life just gets in the way
When we temporarily become ships that pass each other by

Carry my words , my sentiments
Keep them close to heart
Read them when you are on duty and all around you are sleeping
Take comfort that I will dream of you tonight

And when the sunrises in the morning read them again and
know sealed within every letter and space upon the page
is a kiss from me to send you to your slumber
Copyright Mehefin Bolland 2014

May contain Rants

Beneath a chandelier of stars…

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(image c/o http://flyingsaucer-eyes.tumblr.com/brightly wounded)

I’m folding clothes

Particles of sand fall

Onto the floor

Alone in the company of my thoughts

Zoetrope images flicker past my eyes

I drift off to that night

Smile

As I always do when I think of

You and the sea

To a time where we danced

Below a chandelier of stars

Just you and I

Where the rocks would be our orchestra

Wearing seaweed bow ties

I adore to dance with with you

T0 feel your touch

the rhythm of you

Desire builds

As the crescendo of waves

Laps over our feet

knocking us off balance

and

There we lie

with

The Orchestra

still playing in our ears

I adore to dance with you

T0 feel your touch

upon my skin

to feel the rhythm of you

Desire builds

As we lie

Beneath a chandelier of stars

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

Yellow tailed

Sitting amongst the seaweed and the rocks

With my girl

Sea air tickles my nostrils and the sting hits me

Like a cold ice drink, it freezes my brain

But that’s good

My brain has been numb for weeks

My thoughts hiding in its cranial sac

Away from critical voices

But with medication now working

I can see people for what they are

Heads down they shuffle about

With their yellow tails tucked down low

beneath them

Scared the that ‘ stigma ‘ will touch them

You can see it in their eyes

no contact

they look away

Conversations stop

sometimes platitudes replace the words

They don’t want  to talk about it

IT’S TABOO!

BUT I DO!

I want shout out “I am as SANE as you, more so in fact!”

So thank God for my girl, my mother and the comfort of strangers

So to my ‘friends’ I have one simple message for you

God forbid the ‘black dog’ decides to take

A walk with you

Don’t come knocking at my door

I won’t be in

I’ll be sitting amongst the seaweed and the rocks

With my girl

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

May contain Rants · Uncategorized

Jimmy Choo’s in my closet

An impromptu posting.

I was reading my past posts on my blog yesterday. A majority (about 90%) of the poems I share are biographical. It was interesting to look back on the past year just by reading the poems and the postings .It’s a bit like reading a journal you kept when you were a teenage,  smiling and thinking back on the past . I  recently stumbled across an old journal dated 1982 , in which I wrote  “ I think I’m in love with Sara Clark!” . But as a rule I don’t really like looking back into my past too much or at least I didn’t until I met Jo my fiancee (still can’t get my head around using that word to describe her even though it’s been 8 months since I proposed to her and more importantly she said yes!) .

I’ve realised through the postings and poems I’ve shared, it’s reminded me of  how so  much  has happened in the last year of this blog and in real life.

I written about breaks ups (J and had two brief separations early last year) wrote poems and impromptu blogs about how my mum dealt with the stress and the worry and of the  extremely long wait to find out if her cancer had come back or not. Thankfully she was given all clear in October. I’ve shared my thoughts in verse of how Jo’s heart condition deteriorated and how she had to be fitted with a pacemaker, which at 26 was young. I’ve documented my experiences of living with bipolar and described the relapses have I have suffered. I’ve shared my thoughts of my dad who passed 9 years ago and wrote poems about the sadness of my uncle’s passing (he was like a second father to me) . Oh and those poems which I have written for Jo.

I have learnt a lot about myself too. That it’s OK to let go, to expose the dark thoughts that invade my mind caused by my depression sometimes, whether it be in the form of poetry or even in just sharing my thoughts with Jo. But most of all It’s been a year of discovery, of knowing that I don’t have to carry this burden of stuff I’ve carried alone for so long, that far from me having fears of holding Jo back, I realise she is the one person who holds me up, and helps me carry the weight in fact just unburdens me of stuff that quite frankly doesn’t matter anymore and for that no amount of words can describe how much love I have for her. That’s why I proposed to her a week after her surgery on 19 July at Angel Bay, because I needed to show her how much I loved her and for once not just write about it . So we will have been together six years this July, happier than ever, albeit I have a closet full of her Jimmy Choo shoes crammed into my closets. That’s why I keep my shoes in the boot of my car! It  is worth the sacrifice !

So would I say my blog year has been good?  One word Yes! I lost the need to write for a while , but this past year I’ve realised that writing is therapeutic, it focuses the mind, cleanses it, makes you feel joyous (well it does me anyway! ) Then there is the added  bonus of meeting other wonderful people on here too (although I have met one or two narcissist on my journey who appear to be far more interested in the number of followers they have, how many like they get,and so pre-occupied with stats, than they are in writing or blogging, which saddens me because I am not like that, I write for me, the fact that anybody else reads my blog in all honesty astounds me, likes posts I upload, leave lovely comments and follow my blog is truly humbling. So a huge THANK YOU from me for taking time to read my blog, never mind pressing  the like button and commenting, and following, honestly I am for once lost for words.  Anyway off for a few days away by the sea, as its my birthday tomorrow, so taking the laptop with me so I can catch up on some blogs I have been meaning to read for a while, especially now as I also  have new glasses which have  dyslexic lenses, as  I dont know if some you realise I am dyslexic . So the glasses are a Godsend as sometimes other people’s work is sometimes hard to read. I’m OK with writing as I use a dyslexic word font . Anyway your comments are always appreciated.

One final thought: I wonder what ever happened to Sara Clark?

May contain Rants

In a sea shell…

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Is it possible to feel like a child again

To view the world through the innocence of their eyes

To play those games where you count to ten

(Coming ready or not!)

Or to spend summer days lying in long grass

Making shapes out of clouds that float across the blue skies

(Look there’s the shape of a dog!)

The sound of the school bells rings out loud

And you’d smile ear from ear as you ran out of class

(Cheering as we see mothers waiting to greet!)

Being read bedtime stories at night

Fairy tales, Roald Dahl and Dr Seuss

Drifting off as they slowly retreated turning off the light

(To dream of Green Eggs and Ham!)

Adventures at the seaside

Climbing rocks as big as boulders

To collect sea shells and take they home in a bag

(Listen you can hear the sea in this shell!)

But childhood all to quickly floats away

Like a balloon it carries ours dream away

And we are left here with adulthood bearing down on our shoulders

Search out that shell you once collected

Place to your ear, hear the sea roar

And the innocence of childhood is recaptured once more

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

Spring…

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Perfection falls from the skies

As spring finally arrives

The daffodils in the garden

With heads once bowed

Now stand to attention to greet the sun

All around us new life has begun

The house begins to come alive as roof slates

Moan and groan as they begin to stir

With the suns heat

And in the street

Children laugh and play

For they have woken to a sunny day

Spring has arrived

And just for today lets us all smile

In appreciation

As the spring has awoken from it’s hibernation

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland