May contain Rants

Serotonin sunshine…

sun (1)

I want to wake to a serotonin sun shining through my window

I want to feel the warmth of it penetrate my skin again

I want to feel my heart beating to a joyous rhythm

I want to dance like no one is watching

I want to glow like the ‘ready brek’ kids do on cold winter mornings

I want to feel

Happy

Happy

Happy once more

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

Between the dusk and the dawn…

In the dark hours between dusk and dawn

When my thoughts are at their darkest

When dancing demons taunt me

When their voices tease my thoughts

You are my one constant vision of hope

You with your words of comfort

Yours are the lips that kiss the tears away

Yours are the hugs that banishes the lonely thoughts away

So in the dark hours between dusk and dawn

It’s you, only you that gets me through the night

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

Memories for a Birthday

dad birthday

MY 200th poem on wordpress, how fitting it should be written for my Father on what would have been his 81st birthday

There hasn’t been one day since you past

That I don’t think of you

Sometimes the thoughts are tinged with pain

But not today Dad

Today I think of good times

Happier times

Of the silly days we shared

Of times when I was small

When you sit me on your knee

And you’d read to me, sing to me

How I so miss your voice today

These are the days I want to remember today Dad

There are things we try to cling to

Of stories shared

Some memories can only be seen through photographs

But the most precious memories cannot be seen or heard

They are in every heartbeat that we feel

So today Dad

Happy Birthday

Wherever your spirit soars

With love from me your little girl

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

3 am in the morning…

3 am in the morning

I find myself sitting by the window

Watching the stillness of the sea

Thoughts running around my head

My heads too busy to sleep

With pen in hand and a blank page laid before me

I look over to you sleeping

My inspiration

But I cannot write tonight

There are too many thoughts running

Around my head tonight

So sit and watch you for a while

You breathe in unison with the tides

Your stillness always calms me

It soothes me

Like the ocean does

It makes me feel safe

Slowly I drift off into a state of peace

5 am in the morning

I am awoken by your voice

“Its 5 am in the morning

You’re freezing

Come back to bed”

And safely you returned me to lie next you

Beneath the thick cotton cocoon

5:30 am in the morning

With the stillness of you wrapped around me

Thoughts no longer run around my head

Calm

Safe

We drift off back into a state of peace

Both breathing in unison with the tides as we do

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

Towards the sun …

I’ve lost my way

I ‘ve been running away from the sun

To a place that’s all too familiar

To a place tinged with sadness and pain

Where only dark clouds follow me

I need the stillness and the time to think

To recollect my thoughts

To retrace my steps

But I ran away from the sun

I have lost sight of my shadow

My guide that helps me home

But which way do I now turn?

East?

West?

North?

Or

South?

Then I remember there are five fixed points

On my compass

I need to follow the direction towards

Love!

Home to her

Home to my mother

Home to those friends

Who care enough

Who love me enough

These are one’s who light my way

On this dark forsaken road

Back to them

Back home

Back towards the sun

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

Apart of me she cannot touch…

My mind is bruised

Its colour is slowly turning black and blue

Chaos rules my thoughts

Transmission signals are beginning to be lost

As the imbalance of the  mind scales begin to fluctuate

From one minute to the next

To Hyper Ville to my own personal sink hole

Its difficult to hide the pain away

When all people can see

Is a smile on my face

And tears streaming down my cheeks

But these are not happy tear that I can now taste

They are bitter and dark and taste of treacle

They stick to my tongue

I am rendered unable to speak

I’m losing my voice

To the demon voices inside my head

And all I can do is run, run far away inside myself

And hide in dark corners of total solace

Because this is a part of me  I do not want to her see

This is a part of me she cannot touch

Her arms cannot comfort my troubled mind

Her sweet kisses cannot soothe the darkest thoughts

And how I so wish that they could

How I need her tendered touch to take it all away

But all she can do is pick me up when I fall

So for now all I can do is run, run far away inside myself

Until the bruising fades and the voices stop

And my tears begin to taste like honey once more

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

Celebration …

new day

Shall we cast the day into the sky

And let a cloudburst of confetti rain upon us

Let us dance amongst the coloured paper puddles

In celebration

Of a brand new day

Of being alive

Of being in love

Shall we scattered the day across floor

On a cold winter’s morning

And watch the precious stones glisten as they freeze

Let us skate upon a diamond sheet

In celebration

Of a brand new day

Of being alive

Of being in love

Shall we pour the day into the ocean

And watch the sea turn into wine

Let us get drunk on the ocean waves

In celebration

Of a brand new day

Of being alive

Of being in love

Or shall we allow the day to wake by itself

And watch the sun rise in the east

Let us listen to the birds chorus

In celebration

Of a brand new day

Of being alive

Of being in love

Like every other day

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

Falling in love with you…

float

Falling in love  with you

Was like walking to the waters edge

And Letting the sea dance between my toes

Then spontaneously walking out to sea

Falling backwards not caring how deep I was about to fall

But just knowing that I’d float

Then just drifting

With the sun beating down on me

Totally content,

Completely safe

Feeling freer than I had ever felt before

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

Spirit soar free…

My beautiful picture

“Our Father

That art in heaven

Hallowed be thy name”

When I was at school

Every morning without fail

We stood in assembly

We recited this prayer

I knew it was a prayer to G_d

So why call him Father?

My father was very much alive

But now my father has passed

I still don’t relate to this prayer

Because I know my father

Could not be in heaven

Not that he was evil

or damn to Hell

He was good man in many ways

He had a free spirit

So somehow I know that the

Pearly gates wouldn’t confine him

His spirit soars free with the wind

And dives in the oceans

Sometimes he’s closer to home

To visit places

and

people he loved so much

He no longer needs to knock

We know he is there

We see his orb dart into sight

Sometimes it the tiniest of dots

That disappears with blink of an eye

But knowing he’s there

Showing us he still cares

There are times he doesn’t visit for weeks

I don’t get disheartened

Sometimes its enough to know

That he’s not confided

Behind the Pearly Gates

So wherever you are today Dad

May your spirit always be free

Let it soar on wind

And bring you home

To visit me

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

All of you! …

At-the-River-212x300Saturday afternoon

With nothing much to do

Your  catching up with your work

Typing reports

And

I’m staring out of  the window

Thinking like I usually do

Tracing the raindrops

As they dance down the window pane

I glance at you

Concentration on your face

It got me thinking

What was it I first noticed about you?

Was it your eyes?

Hypnotic blue that cast a spell over me

Was it your long locks of golden blonde?

That radiated me towards you

Was it your mouth full and inviting?

Your lips have always been enticing

Or was it something much deeper

I first notice about you

Could it have been

The gentleness of your soul?

That attracted me like a moth

To the warmth , its brightness

I cannot really be sure

But whatever it was

That first time we met

I know one thing now

I love all of you!

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

Let our minds run away…

stars

Let our minds run away

To a secluded place

Only you and I know

Where the ocean spray

Sweeps across our skin

Where our thoughts feel free

Let our minds

Dive into the waters

Caressed

Are our thoughts

As the ebb and flow

Carries them towards

The rivers of sin

Where they’d swim

Let our thoughts  

Later rest on the river bank

Let them lie

Side by side

Let them count stars

And acknowledge the fates

For merging our thoughts

Together as one

And in the morning

Feel the exultation

With the exchange of our kisses

Knowing that it wasn’t just our thoughts

That swam in the rivers of sin

Last night

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

I'm the land of words

books

“Child hide!” my inner voice would say

As the voices boomed from the kitchen

And I would run as fast as my tiny feet would carry me

Behind the sofa I would hide

But as the noise began to

Ricochet off the walls and the ceiling

Crouched I’d sit

And

Hide my face away

Deep in the blackness

Of my cotton and acrylic cave

I would stay

Until the noise would cease

And they would come and  find me

And with remorseful hugs

They would hold me

On those days when my parents needed to talk

I was given refuge with my grandfather

His house was a refuge for people

And for books

Rows of musty smelling

Hard backed books

Treasure Island

Robinson Crusoe

Little women

And book with words that didn’t have chapters

But with words that dance beautifully across the page

 Betjeman, Yeats, Woolf and T.S Elliot to name but a few

I listened as he would recite stories of far off lands

And hang on to every word

Of those of verses of love he would recite

I remember his heart danced

But his voice would quiver

I now realise he was thinking of my grandmother

As I grew I would search for those words he read

And lock them away inside my head

  So for those times when my thoughts are dark

And those demons come a knocking

I no longer hide behind seated barricades

I no longer hide away in my cotton and acrylic cave

I escape to the land of words

Where demons  are not welcome.

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

I’m the land of words

books

“Child hide!” my inner voice would say

As the voices boomed from the kitchen

And I would run as fast as my tiny feet would carry me

Behind the sofa I would hide

But as the noise began to

Ricochet off the walls and the ceiling

Crouched I’d sit

And

Hide my face away

Deep in the blackness

Of my cotton and acrylic cave

I would stay

Until the noise would cease

And they would come and  find me

And with remorseful hugs

They would hold me

On those days when my parents needed to talk

I was given refuge with my grandfather

His house was a refuge for people

And for books

Rows of musty smelling

Hard backed books

Treasure Island

Robinson Crusoe

Little women

And book with words that didn’t have chapters

But with words that dance beautifully across the page

 Betjeman, Yeats, Woolf and T.S Elliot to name but a few

I listened as he would recite stories of far off lands

And hang on to every word

Of those of verses of love he would recite

I remember his heart danced

But his voice would quiver

I now realise he was thinking of my grandmother

As I grew I would search for those words he read

And lock them away inside my head

  So for those times when my thoughts are dark

And those demons come a knocking

I no longer hide behind seated barricades

I no longer hide away in my cotton and acrylic cave

I escape to the land of words

Where demons  are not welcome.

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

Love you too much…

LOVE YOU TOO MUCH

Sometimes

I think I love you too much

I have tempered eyes of green

that stir emotions in me

That laid repressed

Darker emotions

That creep to the surface

Of an anger that was nurtured inside

And witnessed through my childish eyes

Of people who loved each other a little too much

And those scars I wear on my back

The ones you so often affectionately kiss

Those are the scars she gave me

That first time she told me

She loved me a little too much

But sometimes

I feel I’m morphing into her

This scares me

Sometimes

I want to shake you

Tear off your head

For being too nice

For being too bloody understanding

For being too naive in certain situations

And

For loving me back a little too much

But in your heart you know

I’d never touch you the way

She did with me

I would never allow myself to get inside your head

Like they did to me

Because I really do love you too much

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

images c/o brightly wound
images c/o brightly wound
May contain Rants

Between the light and the shadow…

GOLDEN

Deep into the forest of despair

I once travelled

Down  the  many paths of loneliness

I walked

Weighed down by the heaviness

Of my shattered heart

I struggled

Longing for a chance to lay

My broken spirit

                                   Then by chance

I came across a valley

And

In the distance

I  saw a  golden sky

Its  warmth

guided me

To a river so clear

 Then I  saw you

Stood there by the river bank

Arms stretched out

You called me over

You held my broken body

To your breast

You fixed my broken heart

You washed away the ingrained pain

You quenched my thirst with your kisses

You fed me a diet of love

And when  my strength was returned

You helped me to my feet

You  made a promise to me then

To keep me from returning

Back to the forest of despair

To be caught

Between the light and the shadow

Five years you’ve kept your promise

No longer do I walk alone

But side by side with you

We  now continued to walk

Towards the warmth of the  golden sky

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland

May contain Rants

Reason to be…

driftwood

I am driftwood

Floating

On her

My ocean

She calms me

Between the ebb and flow

Submerged

I am anointed

By her love

I am an acorn

That falls to the ground

From her

My oak tree

Protected by her roots

I am grounded

She nurtures me

I am the child

On sunny days

Warmed by the touch

Of her

My Sun

She lifts my mood

She makes me want to dance
Barefoot and carefree

I am what I ever I want

To be

As she is my reason to be

©Copyright 2014 by June Bolland