May contain Rants

Words that needed to be written

vivThere are words that needed to be written

Words that will help me in my recovery

Because you have occupied a corner of mind for too long

Words I’ve started to write

Words I thrown away because of the shame

I think of all years I spent hiding me

And protecting you

But not now

So I sit with a blank page ready to write

With the years of hidden anger and rage

My woman has been the  only one

until  now who knew of this secret

That I carry  locked away in my head

She also seen the scars, V

You know the one’s you made on my back!

I think back to younger years when I first fell in love with you

And we were in love once

Many years ago

But you showed you were the jealous kind

You never trusted me

And yet looking back

It’s me who shouldn’t have trusted you

How many times was it V?

And so the cycle of mind game commenced

You broke my independence

My will, my spirit

For what V being nice and talking to other women V?

Then you became bored with the games

Your anger would get out of control

The odd slap once or twice

The bites, the punches

The bruising ,V

So much hidden hurt

You forced on me

Is it bringing back to you?

Well It’s never left me V

And the saddest thing is I would have given you

Everything

But it was never enough

And so many many times I ran from you

For only you to sweet talk me back

You promised me you’d change

But you stayed the same

And I carried on being the fool

And all the time it was like my life’s history repeating itself

There are so many things I could say but I can’t repeat

So many things that you did V

But now I want my conscience cleared of you

I want my mind set free

It took me 3 years to heal the scars

3 years without the touch of another

Because you’d knocked the trust out of me

But I was lucky because I found someone who is the total

Opposite to you

She knows the true meaning of love

She holds me with a gentle touch

That you wouldn’t understand

Her kisses have healed your scars

Her hands clasp round my waist with warmth

All your hands ever did was clasp me round my throat

So these words needed to be written

Because many years ago I told you there was no longer place for you in my bed

So now I’m  telling you because I’m stronger than when you left

That there’s no longer a place for you in my head

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

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