Reason’s to be cheerful

Deep in thought I quietly sit

Whilst the pills I’ve just swallowed

Send chemicals to my brain

That no other therapies have been able to reach

And for that brief moment

I have clarity

A sense of rational thinking

A sense of normality

So I write not poetry but

A mantra

A list

To guide me

To focus on

And more importantly to hold onto

For when even darker days arrive

And they will arrive

I know because I’ve been here so many times before

I make a list of all the things that make me happy

Things I should be really cheerful about

A list of no particular relevance, of importance or order

I begin to write surprisingly without hesitation

Beach walking, Angel Bay, the smell of the ocean,

Wales (the land of my history), of being loved and being in love,

My beautiful Jo, my mum, my family, cups of tea in bed with my girl on a

Saturday morning, nights in, nights out, walks in the park

splashes in puddles in the Spring ,

basking in the sun on long summer days

Dancing through the leaves on cold Autumn nights

Snowball fights

warming Jo’s hands in the sleeves of my jumper

in the depths of  winter

the changing colour’s of the season’s

the family meal round the table on Friday night ,

having conversations so deep, so funny and sometimes quite bizarre,

laughing out loud, music, books, poetry, photography,

of chatting/ texting /talking to good friends, Tuesday lunch dates,

Really thick cut crinkled crisps, cupcakes, a Marlboro to start the day,

Road trips and pyjama days

With pen put down, I read the list back,

I fold the list over and place in my wallet behind the photo of Jo

I return to my original position quietly sitting

And in the sustained moment of absolute clarity

I realise I am lucky to have so many reasons to be cheerful about

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland