May contain Rants

Avoiding the dark abyss

abyssWith a kiss you awake me from my opiatic repose

You ask how I am feeling

I tell you I’m not quite sure

You rephrase your question “how does it feel” you ask

“What the depression?” I reply

(You nod)

I tell you I feel tainted

That my brain feels corrupted

By the messed up childhood I inherited

And as I am saying it I’m thinking you won’t get it

But the look on your face isn’t a fearful one

There’s compassion in your eyes

(you’re not about to run a mile from the mad one who lies next to you)

and so I add another guilt  to the thousand I already possess

for doubting you.

I tell you that I no longer mind the pain

because the pain makes me  feel I am still here

I tell you pain also speaks the truth

it shows the honesty in people

They don’t know what to say so they wish you Good luck

As if I am about to embark on some great joyous adventure

when really I am running from the dark abyss

It’s because some don’t know how to handle depression

They see it as a weakness, a failure

and you tell me I am not weak , that I am the strongest person you know

And that my mum thinks of me as some kind of super hero

I regretfully answer  I’m afraid my cape has been hung up

Then there’s a darkness to my voice

I am fearful Jo I say

Of the dark abyss

And of the suicidal thoughts waiting

I tell you I am now a ghost visible to a few

I feel as if I am beginning to walk between the shadows

Trying to avoid the dark abyss

Desperately searching for my way back home

I glance, I see you upset

The tears are welling in your eyes

You wrap your arms around me

I feel your love tighten round my frame

And hear your whisper in my ear “You are home, its right here”

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland

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