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My Angel needs love

Sometimes my angel needs to rest her wings     angel wings on chair

It’s can be tiring taking

Care of everyone else but herself

Sometimes she just needs the security within my arms

To feel the love surround her, shield her

On those days that are bad

When she is reminded of past memories

That suddenly just appear

To understand and have no fear

That I am always here

To bestow a thousand kisses

To know that I will be there to rock her to sleep

And dry her tears as she weeps

and neatly put away her wings

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland

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Tonight I write about my father.

Now normally at this of the day I’ve either written, or am about to write or have the formation of a poem in my head but not tonight. Tonight I want to write about my father. Those of you have followed this blog since it started in December will be aware that in the early part of my life , well will know that my father and I,  we didn’t have the best of relationships due to his alcoholism. It was only until I was 22 that he finally admitted he had a problem and got help for his illness, (because it is an illness) did we have a really close relationship, although despite his illness, from being a small child I had always worshiped (the sober him ). But today I just really really miss him.

He passed away 9 years ago to a rare illness called Guillain–Barré syndrome (GBS) that effects only about one person in 100,000 every year. It is an awful illness , he developed shortly after having cancer surgery, on the day he was due to be discharged from hospital  ,we sat and watch  a physically strong man even though he had suffered cancer succumb to this disease, paralysed him from the neck down .He deteriorated  over a period of eight weeks until his body could take no more as he developed secondary cancer and I had to make that decision no ever should have to take and that was turn his life support system off, we held his hand and watched him pass to I believe a better place.

During those eight weeks we use to sit with him for hours, held his hands and I would hum The Beatles songs to him (his favorite was Blackbird) or we’d read to him, or we put the CD player on and let him listen to the Goon shows and Spike Milligan ( he was a huge fan). It calmed him down because he used to get distressed being on a ventilator, during those eight weeks we became incredible close.

His loss has never left us nor will it ever,  as I am sure anyone reading this who have lost a love one will understand. We talk about him all the time because it keeps him here. The only regret is he never met Jo my partner, he would of adored her and she him, I think they would of got on really well and at least they would have been able to have shared a conversation in their mother tongue – Welsh.

It’s strange how the overwhelming loss of someone hits you at certain times, but saying that not one day goes by that I don’t think of him , it’s just sometimes the thoughts are overwhelming. What’s even stranger is that they make their presence felt at the most strangest times too. Whenever I wish my dad was here you can guarantee I will find a penny in the most strangest places, same when I need guidance from him , low and behold I get up and find a penny . This goes for my mum too she’s found pennies in the strangest places too .It like they are a message from him saying don’t worry I am still around looking over you Today my mum found a penny in her bathroom, just at time she needed it. . I like getting pennies from heaven they give me comfort, never stop sending them dad. Maybe one day I’ll sit down and write that poem about the pennies he has sent, in the mean time we will just keep putting them in the jar.

pennies

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Always,Then and Now

MEETING

Always

She’s beautiful, and yet she’s sees beauty in me I never even knew existed

She saw a future for the two of us, long before I could see

She gave me space and time

She remain strong, steadfast

She didn’t give up

She offered me truth, love and trust

Then

I learned to see myself through her eyes

I opened my mind to the possibilities of a future I could at last see, could at last feel

I needed the confinements of her arms

I stopped running, turned round to where she stood and saw beneath her beauty

I knew then what she offered me was real

I realised only she could show me the meaning of what truth, love and trust was

Now

We both see the beauty in everything we have

We now wear rings that plan for a commitment in the future

We both share a space in each other hearts, place that no one else can own

We both walk down the same road side by side

We both know that we offer each other a lifetime of truth, love and trust

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland

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On nights like this…

in bed

On nights

When neither of us is ready to sleep

We’ll lie face to face

And lose ourselves in conversation

Our fingertips

Will gentle dance over each other’s skin

And as we’d touched

We’d leave finger prints of passion

And the intensity would resonate

Throughout our frames until we would become

Entwined with an invisible thread of love

We would become one

And as we’d inhale each other’s breath

With the kisses we’d share

The night would disappear in time

And the dawn would break

And we would then  realise we never did sleep

Tonight has a feeling

That it is one of those nights

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland

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That Autumn evening

dress floWe met in the spring. You always can recall of how it was an instant connection, the thing we now know to be love. By late summer we had fallen in love. Sharing passionate kisses and lingering embraces. But never taking it further. We had to be sure that this was really something we wanted to pursue. You were 21 and I was 42, but yet the years in between melted away. You had never experienced real love, these feelings were so new to you and I was well still healing from her and then came that evening in early autumn…

Do remember I came round to see you

I think we were both aware what was about to take place that evening

It had been building for weeks, but now with minds free, mind set

We were ready to take to another level

I remember how beautiful you looked in that floral dress

And how nervous you were

You were trembling like the leaves blowing in the autumn winds

On the trees outside your window

I remember how inviting your lips were as you nervously spoke

I remember I pressed my finger to your lips and told you shh

And then I kissed you and you kissed me back

And how I began to unbutton your dress

And how you undid my belt

I remember taking off that floral dress

It was like the unveiling of statue of a Goddess

You were beautiful

My Venus

Then both together there alone equal in our nakedness

We laid together

God we were so nervous

And then it began with the sharing of kisses

And touching of faces, mouth, neck and breasts

We became relaxed

Emotions let free

Months of anticipation gone

That first connection

Was one of peaceful intimacy

Slowly, we explored each other

Pleasure should never be rushed

And slowly the intensity began to build

Until the moment of pure euphoria

Erupted between our thighs

Remember how we laid there after

Just staring into each other eyes

With still lingering fingers you traced my face

As I did yours

I remember when the evening was over

I  watched you putting back on your floral dress

Knowing that life would never be quite the same

For you and I

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland

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Sex appeal!

your interesting and different.I remember our first date

Walking home with you

And your fingers found the spaces between mine

They locked, shut tight

As if you had caught me and

I knew there and then it was for keeps.

We stopped and lingered at your door

You said you wanted me, right there and then

I told you don’t! I didn’t put it out on first dates

I told you I wanted to get to know you just a little bit more

In fact it was 6 months and 3 days until I finally lay with you!

You told me I oozed sex appeal

I laughed nervously, a knee jerk reaction

No one had ever said that to me before

Say it again I asked you, so to make sure I wasn’t thinking it out loud

Because that how I felt about you too

But it was true you had said it and I replied but why what is that you see

That evades my vision.

I think went onto protest a little too much,

I am straight up and down, but you have the most wonderful breasts I exclaimed

(I had notice them once or twice during our night).

I have a crooked nose I inherited off my grandfather

How can you possibly say I ooze sex appeal?

When you stand there looking like a Goddess

You are beautiful!

Whilst I stand here like some prepubescent teenage boy

(with an image of your breast ingrained in my brain)

You ooze confidence you said

It leaves a trail of scent like perfume

You wear your sexuality like a coat; fasten with the buttons of experience

Your quirky, different, I love the way your mind thinks and how you speak

How you held your coffee cup tonight, need I go on? you said

You asked if would I kiss you or is that not permitted on first dates too

I didn’t need asking twice

And five years on, engaged here we are still very much in love

Infact the love has grown stronger over the years

And you still say I ooze sex appeal

You still love /want my straight up and down

You still enwrap in yourself in me

You still kiss my crooked nose when you awake in the mornings

and when you go to sleep at night

And me well I love every inch of you from your brain down to your toes

But secretly I will always worship your breasts

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

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Impromtu blog My Sex by Elastica

Jo my partner and I were listening to this track last night. I hadn’t listen to this in a very long time and I had  forgotten how beautiful the words are it’s like spoken word poetry. Anyway I thought I share see what you think. 

THE LYRICS

What I want
Mornings to the winter and afternoons to the summer

What I want
Is for you to be waiting round the other side of every door

What I want
To walk through the wardrobe of other bodies we have known

What I want
Is fifteen minutes of you

What I want
A lover who loves me when others have loved me not

What I want
Is a big love, two spoons in a drawer, the master plan

What I want
A lover who can love me slowly

What I want
To make your heartbeat faster

What I want
Is a room with a three-bar fire, like the one you had before,
When you were poor and i just liked you more

What I want
To be in the park in the morning, the
Long shadows on the grass and the swans still asleep

What I want
Is to love you everywhere and everyhow

What I want
To kiss you until our lips are numb

What I want
Kiss you ’til everywhere hurts

What I want
Is to hear the rain against the window again