May contain Rants

At the back of your mind

mindI am the memory at the back of your mind

that comes to you when you sleep

I am the memory at the back of your mind

when your heart misses me and you weep

I am the memory at the back of your mind

that makes you smile when your senses

recall happier times

I am the memory at the back of your mind

that tells you, you are not alone

that  I will still keep you safe

I am the memory at the back of your mind

that remind’s you , that although I’m not there

I will always still love you.

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

All rights reserved

May contain Rants

Heartbeats…

aaaaaMy arms are wrapped around you

As you lie by my side

But at all times one eye is kept open

I wait; watch you as your heartbeats become content

I watch as you drift into your world full of dreams

Where you are well

Some days when you wake

I can tell the dreams you have

The waking world is not the same

The reality sinks in

You long to be the girl who you once were

I tell you, no I try to reassure you, you will be once more

Your eyes say otherwise, you are not convinced by my words

It’s hard, it hurts and I get stressed

I get angry with people

They’re not interested in your blight

They’re too busy floating around in their delusional bubbles

Expecting us to enjoy

Watching them go ride off

On life’s fantastic journey

When all I want to do is lie by your side

Wrap my arms around you

and watch you sleep as your heartbeats become content

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

All rights reserved

May contain Rants

My Wall's

grafo floresMy walls were covered in graffiti

I whitewash over them too many times

I tried to hide the stains hidden underneath

Words of hate

Words of sorrow

Words of a broken heart

They are the work of my demons

They are my collage of my life

But the sun and the rain

Wore away at the cover I hid them under

Until my mural of memories were clear to see

I was defeated and broken

I stopped the charade of trying to blank them out

I tried to live with these scenes so dark, so bleak

Until I retreated into a dark corner away from the view of my demons work

Then you arrived with paints of pastel shades

To erase these memories, with paintings of flowers

and vivid images of beauty

The words became replaced with

Love,

Hope,

and faith

All the things I now have with you

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

All rights reserved

May contain Rants

My Wall’s

grafo floresMy walls were covered in graffiti

I whitewash over them too many times

I tried to hide the stains hidden underneath

Words of hate

Words of sorrow

Words of a broken heart

They are the work of my demons

They are my collage of my life

But the sun and the rain

Wore away at the cover I hid them under

Until my mural of memories were clear to see

I was defeated and broken

I stopped the charade of trying to blank them out

I tried to live with these scenes so dark, so bleak

Until I retreated into a dark corner away from the view of my demons work

Then you arrived with paints of pastel shades

To erase these memories, with paintings of flowers

and vivid images of beauty

The words became replaced with

Love,

Hope,

and faith

All the things I now have with you

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

All rights reserved

May contain Rants

Thoughts of my Father

fathers dayMy girlfriend said to me this morning

You’re quiet, are you ok?

I told her I was thinking about you today, Dad

I told her I was in reflective mood

That I was trying to remember the good times but

All I can remember is the bad

I told her how it made me sad.

We had good times, didn’t we?

But the demons I inherited are blocking my train of thought

I try to remember you, the man I looked up to but all I can

See is the drunk in the Don Draper suit.

I know you were good, that you were kind,

I know you were extremely funny

But today I can’t remember those times, and I so want to.

You were present my whole life, but absent for half of it

In some inebriated dream you hung on to

Whilst I tried so desperately to please you

I always craved for your love, I still do!

Did you love me Dad; I still don’t know the answer to that

Because you never did say

There are things I wished we talked about,

Things I now only say to you in dreams

My mother tells me I am  like you,

In honesty this chills me to my core

I always thought I was nothing like you

Then I look in the mirror

I see I am

Yes I have flaws

I’m not perfect

I have my weakness

My demons

But most of all I have strength to over come

Whatever life throws at me

I have a kindness I instil on to others

I make people smile, well most of the time

And then I realise I am like you , just in another form

Then it hits me this morning that

I’m grateful for those things inherited from you

I’m thankful I was your only child

I’m thankful for you my complex father

That I do miss you and have always loved you (Always will)

So Happy Father’s Day

To you my dad the one time drunk in the Don Draper suit

Where ever your spirit soars

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

All rights reserved

May contain Rants

Love lost and found

lostI thought I lost my one true love

She fled through my front door

Never to return

I put flyers up

They read

“Love, lost, please return it “

But nobody did

Three long years I pined

Over thought, had conversations

Inside my head

Of the why’s, the what if’s

Then you appeared

One sunny morning in May

To tend my mother’s wounds

The days, the weeks, the months went by

Each time you’d greet me with a smile

A look of attraction was clear to see in your eyes

I look back on that time, it seems so long ago

I’ve grown so much; you pulled me out of the darkest place

A place I thought love would never grace

Yet now I realise my one true had not left

She had not  arrived

Because I realise I was waiting for you

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

All rights reserved