My girlfriend said to me this morning
You’re quiet, are you ok?
I told her I was thinking about you today, Dad
I told her I was in reflective mood
That I was trying to remember the good times but
All I can remember is the bad
I told her how it made me sad.
We had good times, didn’t we?
But the demons I inherited are blocking my train of thought
I try to remember you, the man I looked up to but all I can
See is the drunk in the Don Draper suit.
I know you were good, that you were kind,
I know you were extremely funny
But today I can’t remember those times, and I so want to.
You were present my whole life, but absent for half of it
In some inebriated dream you hung on to
Whilst I tried so desperately to please you
I always craved for your love, I still do!
Did you love me Dad; I still don’t know the answer to that
Because you never did say
There are things I wished we talked about,
Things I now only say to you in dreams
My mother tells me I am like you,
In honesty this chills me to my core
I always thought I was nothing like you
Then I look in the mirror
I see I am
Yes I have flaws
I’m not perfect
I have my weakness
But most of all I have strength to over come
Whatever life throws at me
I have a kindness I instil on to others
I make people smile, well most of the time
And then I realise I am like you , just in another form
Then it hits me this morning that
I’m grateful for those things inherited from you
I’m thankful I was your only child
I’m thankful for you my complex father
That I do miss you and have always loved you (Always will)
So Happy Father’s Day
To you my dad the one time drunk in the Don Draper suit
Where ever your spirit soars
©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
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