May contain Rants

First Times

finnjuneI stand alone with my solitary shadow

with hands empty longing to touch you

with too much time I haven’t got

I spend filling it with regret and if’s and but’s

hours get lost along with me

I sit with cigarette in hand

tears slowly fall and I blame the smoke

I sit and reminiscence of so many memories of beautiful times

the time I first saw you

I’d beamed you were (are) so beautiful

the first kiss ,

I smirked (I cupped your face in my hands)

the first time we touched

I smiled ( I held you so tight I knew I should never let you go)

the first time I saw you naked

I was in awe of you (you relit feelings so deep I forgot they were there)

the first time we made love

I was aroused by you (God remember how nervous we were)

And  when we  realised our love was lost to the complications of life ( I cried)

I stood alone with my solitary shadow watching

the waves crash against the rocks and I cried a little more.

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

All rights reserved

May contain Rants

May our lives always collide

LIFE 2You breathed life back into me

I rediscovered my inner child out with you

You filled my world with laughter and fun

You filled my heart with so much love, so much passion

Something that had been stolen and denied to me for so long

Not one day did I not enjoy sharing with you

Not one night did we not look forward to sharing ourselves

You  counselled me , opened me up , rid me of my demons

You allowed me to share secrets I held ashamed enclosed within

With you I found contentment , an inner a peace

But yet I was always running away from you

Because I never wanted you to be the one to leave ,

But always you’d run after me ,always with a kiss you reassured me

That whatever life throws at us we will never be at war you and me and

I do believe you

But know one thing no one will ever touch my soul like you do

With time , with space , we will redefined our relationship

Not again as lovers but as friends and one day not far from now

We will sit side by side on the fence leaning towards happiness

Because our lives were always meant to collide

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

All rights reserved

May contain Rants

Water

Water_droplet_blue_bg03

People across the world have tears flowing from their eyes

Each tiny droplet lands creating puddles as they fall

Each puddle builds into streams

Constantly growing as it moves and flows

Into the rivers and across the seas they go

 

This is the life force that we need in order to survive

This colourless, odourless liquid that is clear to the naked eye

 

The mysterious fluid which separates lands

And holds the people to ransom within its hands

The course of its fluidity, so gentle and yet

So extreme, can be our saviour and then

In an instant be our destruction

 

This is the life force that we need in order to survive

This colourless, odourless liquid that is clear to the naked eye

 

Each river and ocean that holds life within its depth

Each tidal wave that sculptures the earths surfaces to dramatic effects

 

This is the life force that we need in order to survive

This colourless, odourless liquid that is clear to the naked eye

 

Water…

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

All rights reserved

May contain Rants

Our Bed

bed aI counted today how many days it has been

since you shared our bed,

it’s sixteen

And yet I still cannot bring myself to invade your space

So I remain lying still here on my side

With back turned away from the void

Where your frame once laid

Naked, still and so beautiful

Our bed full of happy times, sensual times, contented times

Stressful times of when you were ill, which I try to forget

Our bed … our haven, our own Utopia, our paradise, our private place.

A place for late night passion and early morning chats and cups of tea

Bedtime reading and flirtatious teasing

A place we watched full moons and constellations

And the rising sun and changing seasons

A place where we begin the working day

And looked forward to weekend play

A place that now feels as lost as me

where I now lie

still here on my side

With back turned away from the void

Trying desperately not to cry

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

All rights reserved

May contain Rants

Joie de vivre

Joie de vivreI am lacking in joie de vivre

My brain has stopped properly functioning

Since things went wrong and you left again

My brain over thinks 

It’s over worked

With thoughts of you

Play, pause, rewind,

Memories of happier times on a loop of you, me, us

I try so desperately try to recall your touch

 I so miss the feel of you, the warmth of you, the love of you

My body aches for you

Melancholy invades me again

Too many emotions are contained fighting within

I need so much sleep

I could sleep for a hundred days   

But then there is the emptiness,

But I so need empty, I so need space

I need the void to wallow in

To recovery, to gather strength

Within these walls of silence

To find my joie de vivre without you

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

All rights reserved

May contain Rants

Random Break up thoughts

he

Hear that…

Twang

The vessels in my head snap

1, 2, 3 Ping

I feel the warm blood flow

My brain is over thinking

The blood, the memories

Coat and keep my brain warm

I see kaleidoscope images of you

Then reality hits and there is darkness all around

Tears have drowned my body

It is weak,

Too weak it could not hold onto you

 or wave you goodbye

People try to speak, make conversation

I hear their voices but their sound is muffled, distorted

Their words make no sense,

They try to console; try to say life has purpose without you

Sense. What is sense?

How can two people’s lives and love so entwined

Just end!  We gave up, we stopped believing

Purpose. What is purpose?

You were my purpose

You made me, shaped me from the mess you met

You gave me reason, to breath, to wake, to love

Now I’m left with the thoughts of us

The thought when I brought

You back to life when your heart was giving in

Now here am my heart is giving in

with you not here to save it

Hear that…

Twang

The vessels in my head snap

1, 2, 3 Ping

I feel the warm blood flow

The blood, the memories

Coat and keep my brain warm

My brain has over thought

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

All rights reserved

May contain Rants

Goodbye, I wish you well my love…

goodbyeAllow me the space, the time to grieve for you

to come to terms that our time has past

Let me focus on the present

 Let me move forward into my future without you

Allow me to hold on to the memories

of your touch 

Allow me to hold onto the memories

of  your kisses

Let me smile once in a while

whenever I think of you and I will wish you well my love

I will wish you the love that you deserve

that I so wanted to give to you

but couldn’t

I wish you happiness

 the freedom to enjoy all the love you deserve

Allow her take you away for illicit weekends in romantic cities

to places I would have loved to have taken you to but couldn’t

Allow her shower you with love

to  put you on that pedestal that you deserve to adorn

as I always did

In return I ask only this

That you think of me once in a while

and

please never take her to Angel Bay

please leave it untouched

let always remain full of  our love

and the memories of you and me.

In return I will let you go

with my blessing,

with my love

and

 I will wish you well.

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

All rights reserved