May contain Rants

3 hours sleep and the ramblings of a 47 year old woman !

impromptu posting . Not had much sleep, about 3 hours. These days I don’t function well without at least 8 hours .

I couldn’t sleep because today my mum has her biopsies done regarding the skin cancer. I knew my mum, wouldn’t sleep and I knew the girlfriend couldn’t sleep and she needed  to because she got work today, so I went to sleep in the spare room. So now I have migraine coming on because A) lack of sleep and B) Worry..

Another reason, the main reason( because I have every faith my mum will be ok )  why I couldn’t sleep is that I was thinking  of the girlfriend who is evidently prominent in my work on here. We had a small break at the beginning of the year, because the 6 months prior had been in a nutshell STRESSED , because of illness , her’s illness ,her mother recovering from illness and my mother’s illness . It seems we’re so busy tending to the sick that we forget to look after ourselves. Also due to previous serious 2 relationships and 2 which were semi serious , incidentally they all turned out to be head fucks, I am wary of lesbians ,.

J is the first  woman I have met in a long time who is lets say is normal . She is an affectionate, nice, caring, smart  and funny woman all the attributes I look for in a women , but added bonus she’s beautiful, ultra fem i(f your in UK she looks a lot like Lydia Bright) , background wise we have so little in common that you  think how, what , when did end up together .Her family very affluent (which she doesn’t care about),they have houses all over UK  and in South of France , she was privately educated and I’m old enough to be her mother.  Yet we ended up together .I’m still figuring that one out. BUT WE CLICKED STRAIGHT AWAY and I don’t think anyone has opened me up more , helped me deal with demons from my past more than her  and I know no one has ever made me as happy as she does,  but……….

We’ve been back 4 weeks and things are really good , as I said she is my soul mate but because my mum received the cancer news 2 weeks ago J moved back in and things have been full on since. But really if we continued at this speed we will be apart again before you know. So how can I say thanks for sorting us out but can you move back into your apartment and I see you at the weekends and maybe a couple of times in the week  because things are moving TOO QUICK  without sounding callous. Because I know one day we (More importantly I) will do this once too often and there with be no going back .

Anyway whatever happens doesn’t change our feelings for each other , but at 47 WHY CAN’T I GET MY ACT TOGETHER.I really need to take the advice off that old couple we met the other day and just be bloody happy!!

My mum never interferes in my relationships, especially not J because she adores her but she does refer to us as the lesbian version of Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor, cant live with each other but  cant be apart. not quiet knowing which one of us is Richard ( probably me), and can we sort things out once and for all because she’d really like to buy a hat!!

anyway get today over with  and be there for mum and tonight /tomorrow chat with J.

No wonder I suffer from migraine’s

Finn x

2 thoughts on “3 hours sleep and the ramblings of a 47 year old woman !

    1. She doing well , thank you for asking. We just a wait of about two weeks before the results are back and then we have go from there. But we know the drill been here too many times to mention. But my mum is a strong woman she wont let it get her down.


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