May contain Rants

Twiddley thumbs up, everything with be ok

003An impromptu posting.

Two days ago my mother was diagnosed with cancer. It is not a bad cancer (if cancer could ever be described as good)!

But in the scheme of cancers that has she has previously fought, this is a better cancer to fight (we hope, we have to remain positive)

She just went to the doctors with a mole on her wrist. A tiny thing that started to grow; now the doctor has reassured her it was ok but they referred to the hospital for further tests.

But they found another one further up her arm and more serious one on the side of her head. To be honest I had forgotten about that one and I was shocked at how much it had grown and how angry it looked)  at the moment they don’t know what kind of growth /tumour this is and unfortunately its near where she has had it before. The one on the wrist and arm are contained which is good news

But they now have to do biopsy on what kind of skin carcinoma, (A horrible word) because I said they don’t know, but they have wait about 2 weeks before she can have this done ,as she needs a  blood count done first, but to do this she has to stop a certain medication, .So we have what seems to be along 2 weeks to wait before we get any further news.

Obviously my mum was upset, as I was.  I comforted and hugged her, gave her assuring words which she couldn’t take in. But now  I  have be seen as remaining  strong, if I show her weakness to her or if she thinks I have been told something different than her ( my mum is profoundly deaf so I have to interpret for her )  she will worry and oh boy can she worry.

There is an added sadness to this , because it is just over 12 months ago that my mum’s oncologist gave her a clean bill of health after 20 years and told her she no longer had to take the cancer meds. After I took her out for coffee, I really wanted to take her to lunch to chat about what had occurred but neither of us felt like eating.

My girlfriend J arrive home and she tried talking to her (she is a cancer nurse); she seemed to be getting through to her but then the what if questions, came. I know my mum with time she will get things sorted in her head, and come out fighting, she won’t let  it beat  her. So as my mum use to say to me when I was little and I was scared , twiddley thumbs up everything with be ok. She will get her head around the procedures, and the treatments. She knows the score. She has had to deal with it six times before, far worst cancers than this and she is still here.

But friends, family, people are offering to light candles, say prayers. Now this may be their way of dealing with it but I keep telling them politely please don’t, save for those who will think it will give them comfort. I get no solace, from god screwing up again. I would ask the question why my mother has been set tests all her life. She is a woman who doesn’t have a bad bone in her body. A woman who has never abused her body yet she is tested. Well if it’s for courage she passes, if it’s for strength of character she passes with distinction., but me and god fell out along time ago.

Anyway were off to Wales tomorrow spend the day with my girlfriends folks, take my mum to pay her respects to my dad ( his ashes are scattered not far.)  Hopefully go beach walking with J, clear my the head for the weeks to come. If I could get mum on the beach I’d take her beach walking too.

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