May contain Rants

a very very subtle RANT! (Just Because)

impromptu posting  because in truth I’m in need of a full-blown expletive  rant but  there is a time and a place and my blog is not that place . So  I’m keeping quiet (silent mouth mode on) trust me because I can go off on one( the clues in the name of my blog!!.)

Anyway I came across this poem,  ( above) by accident (thought I’d share) I do that, trawl the Internet for poetry (I can’t get enough)I think it’s brill , I hope you think it is too! This one is  about addiction( it’s been on my mind recently. I don’t drink , l like control and because in a way I had enough of it as a child that I’ve turned my back on it)

Anyway as I said in need of a rant , so here is a very very very watered down one

Just because

Just because I can write my name doesn’t mean I am a writer

Just because I can  press click on a camera doesn’t make me a photographer

Just because I can draw stick men doesn’t mean I am an artist

Just because I have opinions doesn’t mean  I should rude

( I was brought up with better manners than that!)

we are all talented in own special way,

We all have our reasons for it I am sure

but please keep your ego’s away from my door

nothing else nothing more

oh by the way thank you for your superficial like !

maybe I’ll get a trophy or a star

And well someone got to  keep it real, that’s for sure.

But I’m in need of an outlet and I’m  just saying, that’s all 

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.

All rights reserved.

ooops (silent mouth mode was off , wasn’t it !)

May contain Rants

Timelines

mom dad

At five I thought I had the best toy box ever, it didn’t have a lid, or painted motifs

Mine had handles and a zip.  I remember taking it on overnight trips when we stayed with my mother’s family

At six I thought all daddies could be Jekyll and Hyde

and needed to drink in order to survive

At seven I thought people kept ornaments’ in houses to throw

I look at objects of the past now and think why would you throw something

so beautiful with all the intensions of hate

At eight I realised there was a fine between love and hate

kisses meant love and slaps, kicks punches equalled hate

At nine and ten I remember how much I despised you but

how I craved your love

Then came my teens, well I never gave a thought of you

I was going through enough shit, thanks to you

At twenty I pitied you, your need for solace from the bottle

I could see in your eyes how much you wanted to rid yourself of your demons

At twenty one I admired you, your demons gone, you’d asked for help

you became the man my mother knew was always there.

That’s why she never gave up on you

At twenty two until I was twenty three I came to forgive you because you couldn’t forgive yourself.

Then came twenty four until

you died  we finally achieved the relationship we should have always had

Then in my thirties you were gone

and now here I am in my forties and I miss more than ever before

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved.

May contain Rants

the power of words = Love , Passion and being Alive!

Another impromptu posting . I originally started  this blog  back in November because I have written forever and I wanted to write again, I needed to write again , not for anyone else but just to clear my head of its thoughts. I don’t  have an ego although I write poetry …go figure ,What i mean is  I dont write for popularity etc etc  , Take me or leave me . I don’t profess to be any good, my poems are straight from the heart from me ,  ,all bio or semi biographical so maybe the ego does come through , but i like/hope to think they are  a release more than anything.. I’m honoured people like, that’s a plus ,so thank you x

In 2009 I stop writing , for two reasons my mother was seriously ill and  I took 15 months of work to nurse her, she pulled through,  proving she is the strongest woman I know alive or dead and two I finally began  grieving my father for the for time since in his death in 2004, it took me  5 years to get to that point.

Earlier posts have described our relationship from me being a child to me an adult , when died. I’m glad we found peace with each other and that we had at least 15 good years to rebuild our relationship, I loved him so much and miss even , more now . I forgave him for my childhood , because he couldn’t forgive himself. Anyway I also started a new relationship in 2009 with a nurse who looked after my mother , she’s the muse in most of my poems and my soul mate .

Anyway we split in Feb for stupid personal reasons,not my choice, she moved out of my house and I started writing again to keep a) Sane and b) to keep busy . Unbeknows to me  the girlfriend  had been reading and realised how I felt ,and as result were back together ,  we’ve gone back to basics to discover why we fell in love with each other again. (No doubt future poems) So the moral of the story Words will always win.

Anyway the link  is Andrea Gibson , who I bow to, I could listen to her forever , anyway I love her poetry , so heres just one of them, which is appropriate for discovering a new lover  …..enjoy.

May contain Rants

The wait

An hour you left me waitingschool-gates-006

It seemed like forever

I did not know what I should I do

Should I come to you?

But I feared your voice, so I waited

Until the sky started to leave me

I was upset , I was crying

I knew I had to leave with the sky  too

So began the walk, I remember the old buildings

Each one marking a step closer to you

Then I saw our door, it was locked

I looked through the window , there was you in your inebriated state

Blissfully lying unaware what had unfolded

I waited for an hour,  cold and hungry

Then my mother arrived

and there was THE noise,

After that I never got picked up from the school gates again

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved

May contain Rants

Guide me

I have lost all sensesguide me 2

guide me

Set your map out before me

lead me across the passages and the outline of its planes

but allow me to rest a while and admire mamelon

Allow me to trace every nook and cranny

and me breathe in the redolence of its valleys

let me be in awe of its beauty

take me by the hand

and

lead me down the  path of the terrain

until I reach my destination and I am south

and I become lost again

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved.

May contain Rants

A Cure for Demons

I am not one of those people who inherited pictures and trinketsdemons 1

Some precious family heirloom handed down the generations

I inherited demons, the sort of demons that cant be wrapped in brown paper

to be stowed away in attics or draws and forgotten.

My demons keep my shadows company when there is no sun

Bequeathed on me are demons that try to break me

They whisper to me in the darkness, try to persuade me

with their demonic thoughts.

These malignant creatures cannot be tamed or squashed

no measurement of potions, lotions or absolutions will defeat

them in their cause.

I tried to guard myself with sobriety, but even then, the need to abstain is torturous

but over the years I come to realise that my demons don’t like love ,you see

it makes the scuttle towards my shadows looking for company

For they don’t like me to be happy.

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved.

May contain Rants

Reason’s, Seasons, and Lifetimes

seasons-1024x575

They say people come into your life for reason, a season or a lifetime

You are reason my for being

Fate brought you to me when I was drowning ,

You grasp me by the hand and held on tight,

I struggled in the depth but with your kisses you breathe  life into my body

Your presence is every season

You are my winter blanket; you protect me in my winter bleakness,

when my ruminations are dragged into the ice  where creature’s lurk waiting to feast on my thoughts

You are my spring you bring new life , you allow me to be reborn

You are the key that allows me to relive my youth in all its wonderment

You opened the box, that time had forgot, the one I had locked in all my precious memories

You are my  summer, holding  me in your warmth,

you are my lazy summer afternoons, your kisses quench my thirst

You are my autumn, with leaves golden that  remind me of the colour of your hair, you are

the orange amber fires that roar like the  passion you share with me

You are my lifetime.  you are my path I walk on , keeping my focus and away from harm

And yours is the image  when my  time on  this Earthly Plane is drawing to an end

your eyes, your smile and your beauty is  the last thing I want to see

©Copyright 2013 by June Bolland.
All rights reserved.