Timelines

At five I thought I had the best toy box ever, it didn’t have a lid, or painted motifs

Mine had handles and a zip. I remember taking it on overnight trips when we stayed with my mother’s family

At six I thought all daddies could be Jekyll and Hyde

and needed to drink in order to survive

At seven I thought people kept ornaments’ in houses to throw

I look at objects of the past now and think why would you throw something

so beautiful with all the intensions of hate

At eight I realised there was a fine between love and hate

kisses meant love and slaps, kicks punches equalled hate

At nine and ten I remember how much I despised you but

how I craved your love

Then came my teens, well I never gave a thought of you

I was going through enough shit, thanks to you

At twenty I pitied you, your need for solace from the bottle

I could see in your eyes how much you wanted to rid yourself of your demons

At twenty one I admired you, your demons gone, you’d asked for help

you became the man my mother knew was always there.

That’s why she never gave up on you

At twenty two until I was twenty three I came to forgive you because you couldn’t forgive yourself.

Then came twenty four until

you died we finally achieved the relationship we should have always had

Then in my thirties you were gone

and now here I am in my forties and I miss more than ever before

Published by Fin