Quick posting today and no poetry although my head is full of ideas . Anyway I’m going away for a few days as it’s my birthday on Wednesday , I will be 47 (O.M.G when did that happen ?) So I am taking my mum to Cardiff Bay , Wales for a couple of days and then we’re off to Bath, in Somerset for two more days. It will be lovely to spend some quality time with her ( I love her to pieces , you’ll have to look at my earlier blogs to understand why!)
The break was originally planned when I was still witg my ex (who we will refer to as J, ( ex sounds so final and abrupt) as combi get away because it was mothering Sunday yesterday here in the UK . It is my birthday as I said on Wednesday and it would have been J’s 26 birthday at the end of the month.
The trip is bitter-sweet because we we’re both looking forward to a few days away after such a horrendous 6 months. So going without her will be sad, although she did call round with my card and birthday present today.
Firstly J has an irregular heartbeat which decided to cause havoc and she was seriously ill and we nearly lost her..
The only positive thing to come out it was J’s mum finally accepted
A) Me as she realised how much I loved her daughter
B) The 21 year age gap between us
C) That her daughter was a lesbian
and let’s face it the above weren’t important things in comparison to what we had been dealing with.
Pleased to say J is doing ok , and is well.Took a good three months for her to recover.
The other major thing was that my mother who is paraplegic had health issue’s just before Christmas which as I am her only carer put a huge strain on J’s and my relationship, because we we’re both stressed out .
But I have always been very open with J right from the start of our relationship I cannot compromise the care of my mother for anyone or anything. As J is in the Health profession she fully understood the complications,but because of everything that had gone on in the last 6 months she couldn’t cope and coupled with the age gap , her being at the beginning of her life path and me in the middle of mine and also now with the added problem of her health issue’s , we both sat down and agreed that we should part and that she go have space, live a little go places where I love to take but can’t because of my role as a caregiver. I don’t want her to miss out on anything life offers her . So we have separated , now only time will tell if this is permanent or not at the moment I have to tell myself it is permanent, cos with time the pain will ease.
We still love each other deeply she is my soul mate , without question but J has to get whatever fears, doubts out of her system now. I would rather her do this now and it be of her own choice than instead of resenting me 5 , 10 years down the road.
Anyway my poetry is keeping me focused. Can I take this opportunity to thank all those of you have liked my poems and to those of you who have now as result decided to follow my blog… Thank you ,it means a great deal as I having been dabbling with poetry for years but I’m very self critical and did not feel it worthy of sharing, anyway I have new creative confidence in posting more .
Anyway hopefully i will find another muse whilst I am away and hopefully I will come back refreshed and armed with new work.