May contain Rants

The Girl in the Photograph

31/03/201319/06/2017 FinLeave a comment

see the girl in the photograph

she is at her grandfather’s house

he is pulling funny facing trying to make her laugh,

make her smile

she’s just a few months over one

the girl in lace topped cotton socks

and highly polished shoes

her whole life before her

her future unknown

she didn’t know then

how she would learn to run and hide

when ever she heard violent noise

how she felt safe in her mother’s arms

how they forge bond so tight it would never be broken

because of the things they’d go through

how she didn’t like to go to school

because the bullies would be waiting

how the teachers would say she was stupid

how her mother would fight with them and tell her

she was bright.

little did she know that demons would try to become her friends

how they’d like to play with her mind

how their stay would become unwelcome

how she grow in strength and stature

how her heart would be filled with love for others

she’d sometimes forget to love herself

she didn’t know it then that the husband and

2.4 children would never occur

that she grow up being attracted to girls

that she would have her heart broken so many times ,

but she’d also break a few on her journey too.

this little girl didn’t know it back then that her mother would become ill

so weak, have to deal with so so much pain

lose her independence

that doctors would instruct to say her goodbyes to her

on more than one occasion

little did she know she would turn her back on G_d

because her question

“Why do you put my mother through so much pain,

what did she do to you that was so wrong?” would never be answered

that this little girl would one day solely care for her mother day by day

would dress, shower and unconditionally love her .

how she would lose and mourn love ones , forgive love ones and find new love ones

but I know one thing for sure that little girl is still smiling

even though sometimes have been difficult for her

I know because that little girl me.

May contain Rants

My Beautiful J

30/03/201302/11/2013 Fin2 Comments

She hides behind her confidence

Behind her designer clothes

her Jimmy Choos and Chloe bag

She puts on her make up with perfection

not too much, not too little

she is flawless

confidence trails behind her being

if you are lucky you may just catch some in your hands

from this golden haired Goddess with the sapphire blue eyes

But strip her bare

until you can see into the

dark parts of her soul

you witness the unhappiness that lurks from her past

her self-esteem had been abandoned

her image was distorted

her mind was broken

she kept its secret this thing that played and perverted her vision

she purged and expelled in secret locations

until it became an art form she could perform in any situation

the body broke along with her mind

one day they came and took her away

they fixed and restored her mind and spirit

she wasn’t left unscathed, it broke her heart, it can’t be fixed

it still beats, sometimes too slow, sometimes too fast

Although perfection nearly killed

confidence still trails behind

my beautiful J

May contain Rants

A complicated Relationship

30/03/201302/11/2013 Fin2 Comments

Why do you tease me, so that my brain bursts

I cannot concentrate

I have migraines so bad because of you

Your stay is brief and for the moment you are there I am mesmerized

And I then you are all too quickly gone

Your characters change too quickly, that l cannot keep up with you

You jump around you won’t stay still, why won’t you stay still?

I am in awe of you.

I look at you longingly trying understand you

but you melt away like candle wax

you put blocks in my way, the same colours of rainbow

I would love to read the contents of your hearts,

but you will not allow me that pleasure

I try to sing you but I do not understand your language

I will write poetry with you

I will not beaten

Why? Because I am not stupid, lazy or dumb

I hAve DySLexiA

And words I love you even if you sometimes don’t love me back.

May contain Rants

You

29/03/201330/04/2017 FinLeave a comment

The look from your eyes, dilates my soul and I see you

The exhale of your breath fills my lungs and I inhale you

Your kisses tease me and move me, and I taste you

The sight of your skin entices me and I caress you

The touch of your hand, it excites me and I request more from you

The movement of your body stirs me and I share every heartbeat with you

Your tongue, your fingertips arouse me and I respond to you

We share ourselves , content we fall asleep , and I am still holding you

May contain Rants

Hypocrisy

29/03/201319/06/2017 Fin2 Comments

Your hypocrisy sticks in my throat

It suffocates my soul and yes I DO have

Soul that does not need saving

With your hypocritical prayers

I have soul that has no boundaries, or restraints

A soul that does not judge on a person’s race, creed or sexuality

So please keep your doctrines and beliefs away from my door

And won’t enter through yours

Don’t’ make you Ego’s bigger than your Gods

You are no better than me and to be truthful

I have no problem with your beliefs;

I told you my soul does not judge

As long as you take a really good look at what

you’re reading and what you believe in,

that you dont believe all the hype and the lies

I am sure it isn’t hate

Go and receive your sacraments,

Receive your confession on a Saturday,

Rub the slate clean and start a whole new week with an unforgiving soul

But just don’t lecture me on Chapters in your book

Without taking a look on what’s a round you

Live your beliefs every day,

Question them every day,

Denounce something’s if you have to

But please don’t be hypocritical

Just don’t hate or pity me because your

scriptures told you to

May contain Rants

Extracts from a conversation

28/03/201302/11/2013 FinLeave a comment

Are you friend or foe?

She asks staring intently

Ah you see that all depends

On your point of view

The thing in foreground replied

I would like it if you were to be a friend

I don’t think I would like you to be my foe

She claims

Mmm I shall give your request much consideration but

There again how do you know that I’m not already your adversary

Maybe it is I who should be accountable

For all your woes

exclaims the thing moving nearer

Maybe it is true

She confirms as she walks away leaving the thing behind in the mirror.

May contain Rants

Weep, Sleep ,Weep

28/03/201319/03/2016 FinLeave a comment

I remember the day it all began

It was like a loosen thread

It had been there for weeks

It had never bothered me before

Then I pulled and it began to unravel

Reminded me of magicians pulling ribbons from their sleeves

But I recall it wasn’t as pretty or as colourful

It was dark and ugly

The day that one thought spiralled out control

Until all that was left was a void, a big black hole

Pulling me into its atmosphere

They gave me pills to ground me,

They tried to coerce my being from me

They’d feed my brain ‘HAPPY THOUGHTS’

It didn’t work; I retreated to a dark corner

To weep

Sleep

Weep

Sleep

Then you arrived with eyes so blue,

And a caring heart it was you who pulled me through

And I began to laugh

Love

Laugh

Love life.

Love you.